Monday, December 27, 2010

Filled to the Full

Every so often we find ourselves overwhelmed by gratitude, amazement, humility, joy... and this weekend was no exception. Today still reflects these sentiments as my heart remains filled to the full.

To rest with the knowledge that love abounds and surrounds and enfolds, is to know that being lost isn't an option or a reality. It is love that validates and sets us free to be who we were oh, so beautifully created to be. It is the love that began with a father, who gave a small child, who then sacrificed everything, so that you and I may learn what it means to love, so that we may also love one another.

Christmas this year was beautiful. Even more than the gifts, it was the time spent with family and friends that has reminded me what it means to live in love every day... to give ourselves and our time more than just materials things. And to laugh and be filled with the joy of living in togetherness... this is what life is all about.

Thank you family and friends for reminding me how to love better.

Merry Christmas.

Monday, December 20, 2010

What to do?

Let's say you really wanted to do this one really cool thing in the future, but in this moment you're unable to (albeit for whatever reason). Then, let's say there's a chance that when that something comes around, you will be able to do it... but there are no guarantees in this moment. And, to further complex the issue, the thing is, you have to spend a lot of money and do a bunch of stuff preparing for that thing way in advance... like right now. Would you prepare for that something you want to do so badly, knowing that it might all be in vain? Or would you wait a year or two?

Oh, what to do? What to do?

Monday, December 13, 2010

A little bit of craziness

  • Life has been crazy busy this past week. At work, we had all our managers and MC's come into town. It was a lot of fun. But it has left me exhausted. Ok Monday, here we go.
  • My work Christmas Party was this past Saturday. It was the best ever! We danced the night away... literally. I've never had so much fun with my coworkers before. Good job Northland!
  • I love Christmas shopping. LOVE it. But, there's always going to be that one person who you can't seem to find the perfect gift for. Dad - no guarantees that you'll like whatever I end up getting you... because right now I basically have no ideas. Why are you so hard to shop for? Stop being soo practical.
  • One of the best parts about the Christmas season is all the parties, dinners and celebrations with friends. I just LOVE it. It's totally a time to connect with the friends and family I love so much. It makes my heart oh so happy.
  • And I'll leave you with this... I love the snow. I wish it would snow again soon. Like today. That's what I'm hoping for anyway.

Monday, December 6, 2010

A Willingness

There comes a time in life when our beliefs will undoubtedly be challenged, and we have the opportunity to respond in a variety of ways. We can either immediately become defensive, thereby aggressively shutting our hearts and minds to differing ideas that may lead to incredible possibilities. Or, we can have an open willingness to understand something opposite of what we know and believe in.

But it all starts with willingness... the willingness to step outside of boxed rules and to critically think about something different. This is the key contributor to growth. It has the power to either correct where needed, or strengthen what's already been built upon. And we are indeed called to it; test everything and be encouraged and ready for the inevitable growth that will sprout forth.

The hardest part will be hearing and discerning truth amidst the jumbled clutter... and then of course, there's the action that must spring forth from truth. That part's even harder.

Needless to say, I'm being challenged a lot right now... and many of my beliefs are being strengthened two fold. However, others may be requiring action of some sort. It's a process... But it all starts with a willingness to ask for truth... and at least I know I've got that covered.


Tuesday, November 30, 2010

A Different View

I'm currently sitting in my office looking out my window... at the Macy's parking garage!! Yay!! Ok, so I know that this really shouldn't be that exciting... except that it is.

You see, yesterday I moved offices and will no longer ever have to stare at the wall across the ally ever again! [This is seriously a big deal people]. Instead, I now have the chance to watch the world unfold around me. Is it snowing? Nope, but it is raining. Is the garage full? Nope, but there are a bunch already parked (early birds for sure). And the Sparks billboard? Yep, its still up and glowing [glowing, you ask? Yep, because it is a glow-in-the-dark billboard. I know, whoa].

See how much there is to see already? I'm so excited. My life just forever changed. Yes!

Monday, November 22, 2010

And so I reach

I'm hanging on for dear life. One more move and I've made it up the route. Why does the last move always take way more strength, trust and ambition than all the others? I swear, this happens every time. Seems like its always one more huge stretch to success. Can my feeble arms handle it? Ugh. I'm going to fall. I just know it. Why isn't the rope tighter? I wish my arms would grow six inches. Then this would be easy. Well, I can't just stay here forever... no more excuses, here goes nothing! Reeeaaaach!


Its all about risk... it is an ever-present life occurrence faced by each of us. It holds out excitement and success in one hand, and fear and failure in the other. Severely impacting our reality, risk forces us to make decisions on how we choose to handle life... will we be ruled by fear, or empowered by possibility?

The possibility that somehow my feeble arms will pull off that last move on a climbing route. The possibility that an acceptance letter into grad school will arrive in the mail instead of flunking the GMAT. The possibility that following a budget is easier than it looks. The possibility that...

I refuse to let fear control my life. Because at the end of the day, I know the rope is always held tight, and that strength will be provided at my weakest moment. This I trust in. And so I reach.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Its a bigger deal than you think

I can't help it. It's a flaw at best. A thing inside me that I try to run from every moment of every day. It seems all consuming and unrelenting when given time to brew. Its suffocating and brings out the worst in me. I can't help it. As much as I try - and I really DO try - but it still seems to get the best of me every time.

Its called boredom. Being bored. Feeling like you're marooned on a deserted island with no rescue in sight.

Sounds dramatic I know. Truly, I understand that this is my personal issue, brought on by my type seven personality - see for yourself here. I can't use that as an excuse though. Just because its part of my personality, doesn't mean that I can't take steps toward growth and change. ... but some times as much as I try to find an outlet by myself, I just can't. And so I feel restrained and controlled by this thing called boredom.

My mom always used to tell me to go read a book. A roommate always suggested that I watch a movie. But what would you do if those things just weren't enough? If you felt like it took every ounce in your body to just make yourself sit and do nothing?

I just don't have it in me. I never have. I need to work on this. Tonight I am working on this. But I may just go to bed so that tomorrow will come sooner... wish me luck

Sometimes I wish my life was a musical

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Not the Utensil

It was cold this morning. Like feels like 32 degrees cold. Brrr.... So, what did I do? Went to Cafe D'arte to grab a coffee. Shortly after I walked in and began my wait in line, the woman in front of me turned around and inquired:

"Have you ever been to Forks? I'm going to Forks in September of next year for two weeks. What do you think about Edward and Bella?"

Oh dear lord. I'm sorry people, but I hate Twilight. I was once forced to watch it by some old roommates... and it was the biggest waste of time of my life.

But this lady was passionate about Forks. I mean, it is November... and she already has it planned out in her head that a year from now, she'll be in Forks. Come on! So, I couldn't just stomp on her dreams. Instead, we talked about Forks for a good ten minutes and all the reasons why I should someday go... well, you are the first to know that I am a bad person. Yes, I promised that lady I would go someday... but I'm telling you, I lied. Feel free to throw some stones my way.

And I know you are sitting there wondering... so let me put you at ease... yes, she was wearing a Twilight sweatshirt.

-----

And i will leave you with this view from my bus stop this morning.


"Begin today. Declare outloud to the universe that you are willing to let go of struggle and eager to learn through joy." Sarah ban Breathnach

Friday, November 5, 2010

An epiphany

So, its not that big of a deal... but I realized something. It's not that I don't like to cook or bake... its that I don't really like to cook or bake for just myself. Its too much work. I'd rather just eat cheese and crackers or even just cheeze-its [don't judge me].

But, I do really like cooking for other people.

Which is why I bought a cook book yesterday... and am planning on using it. Like for reals people. This is kinda big.

So basically, you can just plan on me inviting you over for dinner sometime soon. Because, the reality is that I shouldn't just eat cheeze-its... but that I won't make dinner unless there's a reason. And it just so happens that reason is you.

Don't let it go to your head.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Three's Company

ONE

I walked past the downtown McDonalds on 2nd and Pine. The scene in front of me unfolded in fury. A man was yelling at a woman.

"Give me back my daughter! Bitch!"

The woman... "No you &*$#(*&" [too crass for this blog]

"I don't want your white boy taking care of my daughter bitch!! Give me back my daughter!!"

And the woman and man tried to get at each other. Hurt and anger poured on the sidewalk around them. Their respective friends tried, without success, to restrain them. And when the seattle cops came and broke up the scene, I felt myself wondering... who is this daughter? Who is this "white man" and why is he now in the picture? And why can't the real father see his daughter? Why is life so hard for some people and so easy for others? It just doesn't seem fair.

TWO

I don't profess to be a great cook and its a good thing I don't. You see, I put my leftover quesadilla in the toaster oven at my work. I turned it on to bake at 350 and returned to my office to complete an email. Literally like 6 minutes later, I walked down to get my quesadilla and my coworker is there panting. Apparently moments ago my quesadilla caused the toaster over to explode in flames and started a fire. She was walking by and quickly started dousing it out with water and reached success moments before I reached her. Black smoke billowed everywhere. I am SO thankful that the fire alarm didn't go off... even though our office and loby (six floors below) smelled like burnt grease for the rest of the day... and the next morning. Blah. Sooooo embarrassing. I have NO idea what happened. I'm claiming fault on the toaster oven... its got to have some issues. That's my story and I'm sticking with it.

THREE

Halloween. Cowboy boots. Cowboy hat. Cap gun. Bandana. Stick horse. Leather vest. Money bag. Bandit running from the sheriff.

If that isn't awesome, I don't know what is.


Tuesday, October 26, 2010

All it takes is one hang up and the will not to call back

I saw a woman bawling on the bus this morning. She was in utter despair, talking to some guy on the phone. Snot dripped out of her nose, tears streaked mascara down her cheeks. Her bony frame revealed she was too skinny. And then I heard "cat food." And something about a "lost wallet."

As it went, the woman somehow lost her wallet and didn't have money to buy cat food. And the man on the other line screamed at her. Called her terrible names. Belittled her ability to do anything right.

And her emotions ran rampant, unleashing a flood of tears as the lie of her unloveliness drew deeper and deeper into her heart.

She called him a jerk. Hung up on him. Called him back. Said sorry. Called him a jerk again. Hung up on him again. And called him back again. The cycle persisted.

All because of a lost wallet and cat food.

Friday, October 22, 2010

I'm Learning

Remember this? Well, friends, I've come a long way from destroying a baked potato to creating edible masterpieces... or at least edible food. And I plan on continuing down this path of learning the art of cooking and baking.

In fact, one of my friends mom decided to start a cooking class with all of us girls. It is so amazingly awesome because:
  1. Lori is a GREAT chef
  2. So, we aren't just learning how to cook elementary dishes... they are extravagant... yet, amazingly easy
  3. We get to hang out, laugh and learn all at the same time... it is brilliant.
Yesterday we met and created a Mediterranean feast including: Hummus, Spinach/Artichoke/Parmesan dip, Tri Tip Steak, Italian Bread Salad (SOOO GOOD!), Green Beans and Toasted Almonds, and for dessert?


Cream puffs!! With home made chocolate fudge and whipped cream to go on top. It was delicious... and SO incredibly EASY it blows my mind. I will most definitely be making these again sometime very soon.

Yes, I am learning how to cook. And it is so fun. Next on the list? Cheesecake. Enough said.

Friday, October 15, 2010

In case you're wondering

  • You know how they say that everyone gets pooped on by a bird once in their life? Well, my time almost came yesterday... lucky me, the bird needs a bit more target practice.
  • I don't suggest ordering a grande vanilla latte in hopes that you won't drink as much coffee in the morning as you usually do. Let's just say the drip coffee downstairs is already calling my name.
  • Everyone needs an exit plan for those catch-you-by-surprise moments in life that you'd rather be anywhere else right then. I'm still forming mine. I think it'll have to do with dogs, cardigans and cheesecake... yum, i love cheesecake.
  • A conundrum. Not only a great word, but also when you love the early mornings where you see your breath and the sun is just coming up over the clouds and you think to yourself that life couldn't get any better... but then realize that you're shivering like a polar bear without fur because its freezing.
  • When you're looking for a substitute to diet coke, make sure and read the label before you buy the product because if they both have the same ingredients, its not worth switching. Btw, what's worse? Sucralose or aspertame?
  • The weekend plan. Laundry-ing, grocery shopping, cupcake decorating, clothes returning, yoga-ing, bathroom cleaning, friend hanging, bath and book reading, sleeping way in-ing, vino-ing... you know, a bunch of good times-ing.
  • And in case you're wondering... yes, I'm a dork... which is a silly person and should not be confused with a whale penis.
  • Happy Friday!

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Dare to Wear

I decided to take on a challenge today. And I dare you to as well.

It sounds simple... could be a little fun [or just randomly funny]... but I dare you and myself to wear one outfit per week that we've never ever worn before.

Ha!

I know, so totally random. But just think... this challenge forces me [and you, if you accept] to think about the clothes we own and creatively piece them together in a new way every week. No we cannot go out and buy new clothes to meet this challenge. We must use what we currently own in our closets and go for it. My hope is that this will cause me to realize how many clothes I do own... and that I really do NOT need anymore to fill up my closet [aka floor]. Hopefully it will allow me to see that I can save some money, while also being challenged to think outside the box of my normal wear and come up with new creative options that work and look good.

Today, I've met the goal for this week. I'm wearing an outfit to work that I've NEVER worn before... and I'm loving it! It involves Black boots, a skirt and one of my favorite blouses... why have I never thought of this before? Haha, ok, so I know this is totally cheesy, but I think its going to be a good way to make myself see that I don't need any new clothes and to save some money.

So, do you dare to wear?

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Straight Paths

Life has a mysterious way of taking us along on its twists and turns to eventually place us exactly where we're supposed to be. And every so often one of those twists lands back in our minds and we remember... we consider... what would life be like if that next turn never came? What would life be like if a choice or a decision was never made? What road would we be on now if only...

Thinking of the past is oftentimes a dangerous thing if we get stuck there... but remembering and being thankful for where we've come from - and being encouraged by where we are going - has the power to lift the soul. It gives wings to dreams... discipline to keep promises... desire to keeping stepping... to keep picking up one foot after another in the right direction.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6

Monday, October 4, 2010

Checking the Heart Pulse

This past weekend was absolutely amazing. On Friday i had dinner with two great friends, on Saturday I went to the Sounders game (and yes, they won!) with a great group of people, played Shoots and Ladders with the cutest 5-year-old nephew, talked magazines and rock climbing with the coolest 11-year-old nephew ever, and went to the Matador with an awesome friend (shout out to Emily!), and then on Sunday I went climbing in Leavenworth with the awesomest boyfriend ever. Such a fun weekend! Who could ask for more? How did I get so lucky?

Today I am remembering how lucky I am. Life is pretty great... and there's so much to be thankful for. There are so many wonderful people in my life and so many amazing experiences I get to be a part of. I need to ensure that gratitude for those things are in the forefront of my mind... especially today.

You see, I'm feeling a bit [read a lot] discouraged today. I'm fighting against it, but self-pity is knocking at my door. My knee is not feeling well today and its just really discouraging me big time. I was told that I could rock climb on it... but it seems that yesterday may have effected it too much. I'm not sure what to do about it... I've stopped doing everything else... I even gave up my beloved Nasties... and that is proving to be much harder than expected. I also am confused by some weird bruising from yesterday. Anyway, I am truly fighting self-pity and discouragement this morning.

And that's why I'm trying to remember and find comfort in the fact that I am so lucky in so many ways. Gratitude needs to be the outflow of my heart today. I am fighting for it.

-----

Thou hast given so much to me,
Give one thing more, - a grateful heart;
Not thankful when it pleaseth me,
As if Thy blessings had spare days,
But such a heart whose pulse may be Thy praise.

- George Herbert


Friday, September 24, 2010

Not by me

Why do we fear? Why do we occasionally find ourselves petrified with panic stricken minds and hearts? Often they are illogical... like my fear of bees. But I can kind of control my fear with bees. Yes, I scream and run away (who wouldn't?)... but bees don't seep into my mind, entice my thoughts to wander toward terror-filled possibilities and feelings. I know, sounds twisted... a little messed up... and it probably is... but you probably understand a little about what I'm saying here. I think we all deal with run-away-imaginations. But what about when your imagination is actually real? What then? And the thing is, once you're on the edge, there's no turning back. Fear grips, and its hold is tight. I try not to think about it... I try to change my thoughts... and oftentimes it works. But what about those times that it doesn't? How can it be overcome then? Not by me. Not by myself.

And so once again, I find myself clinging to this:

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust."

Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare
and from the deadly pestilence.

He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his winds you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

You will not fear the terror of the night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.

A thousands may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.

You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.

If you make the Most High your dwelling - even the Lord, who is my refuge -
then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent.

For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;

They will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.

You will tread upon the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

"Because he loves me," says the Lord, "I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.

With long life will I satisfy him
and show him my salvation."

Psalm 91



Wednesday, September 22, 2010

New Face-ing

If you haven't noticed... the blog is undergoing a new face-ing. Yep, that's right. It's time for a change and so the look of this blog is getting updated.

And, if you've by the very small chance visited this blog more than once today, you have no doubt noticed that the look has changed not just once... but like 20 times. Blah. That is my indecisive nature coming out.

And just to warn you... in indecision isn't over yet... who knows what this blog will look like tomorrow, in a week, or a month... much less in the next five minutes.

I guess we'll find out together.

Happy Fall... the season is changing for a multitude of things.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

My Monday Morning

Today I woke up with 15 minutes until my bus was leaving... so, naturally I scrambled like never before... and made it! Yes! No working late due to my inability to wake up from great sleep.

The bus was packed. So, I walked all the way to the back and sat down. One stop later, more people stumble on and an older woman walks back and sits next to me. Seconds later, I realize a 30-somthing-ish man is talking to her. I peer over and realize he is DRUNK... like I-smell-the-alcohol-on-you-a-mile-away-drunk. He's kind of leaning over her, trying to have some sort of conversation with her. I turn the volume of my headphones down so I can listen in... because quite frankly, interactions with the homeless or "stuggling" folk interests me like none other. I often feel like they don't get credit for being humans too... and that people pass them up as failures and unmentionables simply because of their state. I wondered if this old woman would do the same.

She didn't. He was asking her about the stapled stacks of paper she was reading and seemed to want to learn. She was studying about the positive effects of having babies sleep with their parents in bed. The man was confused and didn't seem to understand. But then he surprised us all (because naturally everyone surrounding them is listening in) when he started talking about how maybe sleeping with babies is a bad thing because parents might roll over and accidentally suffocate their child (which is true... it sadly happens). This is when he starts off the wrong path. He begins asking if its ok for "bad men" to sleep with a baby too. I really hope he wasn't suggesting what I think he was.

As conversation slowly dwindled down as the woman realized it was turning for the worse, he seemed to leer toward her even more. At one point he touched her knee... she flinched.

Her husband was sitting across the aisle and their friend (a larger, dont-mess-with-me, black man... who oddly exuded gentleness) was sitting near by as well. At this point the friend got involved, asking the young man why he had to do that and respectfully asked him to leave her alone. The man turned on the friend. Yelled a little and then went on a rant that confuses me... perplexes the deepest parts of my heart and soul...

The young man begins talking about the love of God and his relationship with him. He quotes scripture... informs us all that three is better than one... that we can find our salvation with the Lord... and that he, as well as we, can do everything through Christ who strengthens us.

During this time, the woman gets up and sits next to her husband.

After the man finishes his rant on the love of Christ, he leans over and touches the knee of the woman once more.

Now, the friend starts assertively asking the man to leave her alone. And the young man threatens to hit him... that he can hit him two times, just not three times. Fortunately the friend is a good-sized man and held his own... said that if the man hit him, then he would find himself in jail. You would think that at this point the friend would be ready for the man to get his retribution... but no... he forcefully and genuinely proclaimed that he did not want to see this man go to jail. I thought a brawl was going to break out. But this proclamation was jarring in the deepest sense... unexpected... impactful. The young man left the bus in his drunken state, still proclaiming that that Jesus was his strength.

---

I'm left feeling helpless... confused. It angers me to see someone who seems to have so much promise, so much potential, to get left out of it. I know that he needs to take responsibility for his life... but doesn't there have to be a way for someone like me or you to get through to this man on a bus, in his drunken state, that will inspire him to change? I have to think the answer is yes. If its no, then what's the point? I have to think that a small contribution into his life might make a difference.

So, what did I do? I walked off that bus and bought the Real Change newspaper from the first homeless man I saw. I asked what his name was (Wolfgang), told him mine was Dawn... asked if he was having a good day ("No, not really."), bought the Real Change, and told him I hoped his day got better soon.

And why? Because I do believe that buying a dollar newspaper from someone I don't know just might make a difference in his life. It has to impact something for the better. I just has to. If it doesn't, again I ask... what's the point of it all?

So, all of this to say... I just pray that we can all do something today that makes a difference in someone's life. I have to believe that telling someone that you don't want to see him go to jail, or buying a simple dollar newspaper might leave lasting change. I hope you believe that too... and if you do... go do something today that will make a difference.


Thursday, September 16, 2010

Legacy-ing

In this time of my life I've been thinking a lot about death. No surprise really since my Grandpa recently passed away. I have three friends who have also recently lost grandparents. So, it seems like its a time of mourning and remembering for many right now.

My Grandpa was an amazing man. He tackled adversity and won. He stuck to his guns and made wise decisions. He generously gave so that others might be saved... and many were. He left a legacy of generosity, hard work ethic, passion and loyalty.

It makes me wonder what legacy I'll be leaving one day. And the thing is, I still have time to impact and create that legacy. I don't want to live half-heartedly. I don't want to just sit back and let life slip away undiscovered. Nows the time to make a difference... to leave a lasting fingerprint. To reconcile, to love, to be joyful, to give generously, to be kind, to sing, to extend a hug, to promote confidence and trust in another, to be a catalyst ... to smile. Nows the time to decide and make a move. Live with purpose. Intentionally pursue those things that not only have the power to impact another... but have the power to impact the world... forever.

I don't want to leave a legacy that will slip away with indifference. I want to leave a legacy that changes... a person, a community, the world in a lasting way. Sounds big. Sounds impossible. But it happens. My grandpa did... just ask my parents. Without my Grandpa's generosity my mom would have never known Jesus... would never have married my dad, and I would not be here. So it is with many others my Grandpa's generosity has touched. It's my turn to take up the torch... his torch for lasting change. Sounds daunting... but really it just requires one step in the right direction at a time.

Continue taking steps... in the end they have the power to change everything.


A Son's Tribute to His Father - by Paul VanVoorhis

Who was Clemons Joseph VanVoorhis?

His name was more than just a name. Clemons was derived from the surname of the Clemons family, high Grandmother's maiden name. Joseph - a Biblical name, the husband of Mary and earthly father of Jesus. VanVoorhis is of Dutch origin. In fact, we all have wooden shoes and windmill pictures. Van means "from" - voor means "in front of" - VanVoorhis means "in front of the village of Hees." He was known by various people as Clemons, Clem, CJ, Van, Dad, Grandpa Van and Great Grandpa Van.

Clemons was born on July 3, 1927 to Reginald and Edna. He spend his childhood growing up in Storm Lake, Iowa. At age 12 Edna died and Reginald remarried to Clemons' Aunt Blanche. He had two younger brothers, Mark, married to Bonnie, and Lee, married to Ruth. he grew up with a fundamental Christian background; his grandfather Frank was a preacher. When asked to recount his favorite childhood memory, Clemons talked about his Grandfather and the time he spend with him excavating a Native American site near Alta Iowa and the many arrowheads they found there. After graduating from Storm Lake High School, Clemons spent two years at Minnesota Bible College. He then served in the Army from October 4, 1946 to April 12, 1948 and spent his tour of duty in Japan. After honorable discharge from the service, he attended Drake University and graduated in May 1952 with a BS in Business Administration. He moved to the Twin Cities to work and he attended University Church of Christ where he met the love of his life - Noreen.

Clem and Noreen were married on March 31, 1956. The Two became One and were married for 53 years. They were blessed with two boys, Glenn and Paul. CJ worked as a custodian at Gillette State Hospital and Noreen worked at Honeywell. Glenn and Paul grew up in a stable environment and learned the meaning of a good work ethic, like father like sons. We enjoyed many family times taking vacations across the country. Playing ping-pong, going to baseball games, and fishing were a few of Dad's favorite pastimes. Dad was always doing something, including washing dishes every night after dinner. He rarely could sit still and if he did, he would be listening to WCCO on the radio. A fundamental, conservative Republican, his Christian faith was his rock. He supported youth groups and eventually bought a house in SE Minneapolis used for Christian Student Fellowship meetings. This was the house he rented to college aged girls, one of whom was Kathy, Paul's wife - thanks Dad! He continued to support the college aged group and that's he he got to know Dave Burkum. Thanks Dave, for spending so much time with him in the later years - it meant a lot to both him and Mom. Hopefully you enjoyed the cookies and conversation as much as he did.

Dad and Mom became empty nesters. They traveled the world. They walked around Como Lake again and again. Van became interested in radio remote control boats. This became his favorite pastime in his retirement years. He was a member of the Twin City Model Boat Club and the Edina Model Yacht Club. Dad and Mom travelled from Florida to Vancouver BC racing boats. He always had great fun and usually came home with ribbons and trophies. I think Mom served time as the pit crew a time or two. He would tinker with his boats all year long.

The family grew and Dad and Mom became grandparents. Dad was Grandpa to Scott, Brett and Dawn - children of Paul and Kathy. Grandpa was a "real pushover." Every Christmas was spent in rainy grey Seattle. The neighbors knew they were in town during one visit when it snowed and we had the only shoveled, snow-free driveway in the neighborhood. Grandpa always had a new word to teach us, and he was none to happy if we already knew what the word meant. He always had a newly acquired taste, the "flavor of the visit." Yes, the grandkids had to try tabasco sauce on pizza! Every other summer, Paul, Kathy and the grandkids would trek across the country for the annual visit, camping along the way. Remember the wolf howling on the Echo Trail in Northern Minnesota. In our family, these were "van-tastic" times!

Dad became Great Grandpa Van when Scott and wife Jessica were married. His two great grandsons are Leif (11) and Ahser (5). Leif has proudly presented the VanVoorhis family heritage as a project for school. The family continued to grow when Brett married Stephanie. Grandpa's last visit to Seattle was for their wedding. Dawn, the only grand-daughter is single for now.

Van and his family were growing up and growing older. Van was growing older. His aches and pains became significant. Dr. Nichols and the staff at the pain clinic knew him as Van. They helped in every way possible. He spent his days sitting in the back yard counting airplanes, watching birds and listening to the radio. He watch his cat, Benny Boy, and his cat watched him. Glenn supplied the Ensure and provided Holiday celebrations. Also known as Mr. Fix-It, Glenn and his help was only a phone call away. He was also Kathy and Paul's virtual informant, providing cell phone and email updates at a minute's notice. Thank you, Glenn, for carrying the load and helping out in such a huge way.

In his last days, Dad spent time sleeping, resting and talking with Mom and Benny in the upstairs bedroom. His faithful wife of 53 years was always there, never wavering. She cared for her husband in sickness and in health, til death did they part.

So, who was Clemons Joseph VanVoorhis? He was known as Clemons, Clem, CJ, Van, Grandpa Van, Great Grandpa Van and Glenn and my's Dad. On August 31, 2010, Dad passed away at the age of 83. His earthly life is complete. The story is told. He is smiling down on us today and he has no more pain. As we celebrate his journey, we know that Victory is his. Dad, we thank you, we love you, and we'll see you again one day in Heaven.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Desperate Measures

Well, I'm now on my third doctor and my third physical therapist for my knee. And no matter what I do, it seems to be catching up to me... you see, I've been trying to avoid a certain something like the plague... no, not surgery. I'd gladly undergo any type of surgery, thank you very much. That at least has a beginning and an end...

No. What I have been trying to avoid - but am failing to do so - is...

O- R-T-H-O-D-I-C-S.


It's a sad day when you realize that your "wardrobe" may (or may not) forever require you to wear really really ugly shoes. Alas, I know this seems like a minor hiccup for many of you... but do you realize that I may have to wear these someday?!? So sad my dear friends. Soooooooo sad.

Needless to say, I'm sooo thankful that for now I'm only being required to wear inserts... and Im hoping the shoes I currently have will work with them. Because, quite frankly, I love all my shoes (flats, boots, heals, sandals, converse)... and i just can't afford to buy all new shoes right now... I mean, I may already have to get two pairs of inserts. It is going to be EXPENSIVE. Did I mention these are CUSTOM inserts?? Good thing I make the big bucks. Ha! No, I really don't. What a joke. The reality is this is going to hurt a lot... while hopefully being healing too.

Apparently, some things take desperate measures to fix...

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Don't feel the need to read.

Just a couple thoughts... nothing too extraordinary. Feel free to pass this one up.

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I'm really liking this rain today. For some reason it feels comforting. And ironically, I can't find my umbrella. Usually this would be a problem since I have to wait for buses and walk several blocks a couple times a day. But today, it just seems right. And its kind of nice to just walk in the rain and feel it coming down around me. Weird, I know.

I'm getting settled into my new house. Everything is pretty much in its place. I still need to purchase a round rug for my room though. I think it will pull everything together. And add some color. We'll see.

Watching Roscoe for a few days in-between going back to the Minnesota for my grandpa's memorial. It's strange being in a big house all by yourself. Luckily I have Roscoe to be my guard dog :) Love him, even if watching him is pretty inconvenient.

Learned something new yesterday, riding a bike around Greenlake is pretty fun. This morning though, my knee is feeling it. Weird, huh? I thought riding a bike was supposed to be really easy on your knees and that it would be good for mine. Hmm... its probably still the best exercise for it though so I'll keep doing it. Anti-infammatories... do your thing faster!

Walked past a homeless man that was grumbling and swearing about how he got off at the wrong bus stop. It made me feel bad for him. Hopefully he didn't have to walk too far to get back on track in all this rain. Hopefully he'll still have a good day...

Anyway, I know, random post. I guess I'll leave you with this quote just because I saw a friend post it on facebook this morning and I kind of like it...

"I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times am hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." Marilyn Monroe.

Not sure if this really applies to me, but i still really like the quote. Seems freeing for some reason... so thanks Marilyn.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Believing

"Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy."

- Eskimo proverb

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For now all I can say is, I miss you Grandpa. Wishing, hoping, trusting and believing that you are happy and shining down on me and your family who loves you. Can't wait to give you a big hug when I make it up there too... wish I could give you a big hug now though...


Sometime Around Midnight

New favorite song... seriously so good. Just had to share.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

You need to know

  • Friday - Sunday: "Camped" with my family and some of our great friends up on Whidbey Island. It was so fun. Just imagine... sand castle building with the two most adorable 5-year-old boys, crab collecting with the coolest 11 year-old nephew, beach walking with the sweetest dog I've ever met (almost... Roscoe is way better)... and eating the best food two moms could ever make. Blissful to say the least.
  • Sunday: Got home from "camping" and spent over 6 hours moving all my crap from one house to another. Thank. God. That. Is. Over. ... however, I am now officially strong. Yep. If you doubt me, then I DARE YOU to carry my mattress from car to home... TWICE. It is an experience.
  • Sunday night: Discovered the pizza-by-a-slice place right around the corner from my new house... mmmmm... I may never have to cook dinner all year.
  • Monday: Work a full day, then clean clean clean my old house. Blah. I hate cleaning. But our house now smells wonderful and looks sparkly clean. Seriously. So clean. Like the cleanest it has ever been. No joke. We are good cleaners.
  • Monday night: Drank great beer with great company.
  • Tuesday morning: I'm wearing my new favorite cardigan as my shield for the day.
For some reason it is important that you know what my schedule has been for the past couple of days... so yep, there you go.


Tuesday, August 24, 2010

An era ends when a new beginning arrives

Yep, an era ends... an era of my life that I will forever hold true to my heart... an era that involved living with some of the very best friends a person could ever ask for, complete with random tree branches falling on cars, bees in hallways, epic halloween parties, _____ fashion shows, hookey (that's all i'll say!), rats in walls and traps, breeding flies, metro buses hitting parked cars, crazy landlords, non-smelling laundry detergent, slip and sliding in dresses (naturally), late night walks, five-for-five every night, engagements, marriages, grad schooling, mornings after, art projects, wednesday night dinners, tequila shot sundays, settlers, and all around great laughter and awesomeness.

It will forever be missed.
It will forever be remembered as some of the best times of my life.

The five are moving out and all going separate ways. We knew our time as roommates would eventually come to and end... but it came fast. Two years goes by fast. Who would have thought?

Two are currently gone, two more move out this weekend... and then it will be just me for a couple of nights. Hope I don't cry myself to sleep every night... haha... no, seriously though.

Luckily, I'm moving into an awesome house! That I am actually excited for... new beginnings are good. I like change. I'm not afraid of change...

But I'm still going to miss my old roomies... like a lot... like more than a lot... love you guys so much!!!


Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Rich with Mystery

Matrimony is called holy, because this brave and fateful promise of a man and a woman, to love and honor and serve each other through thick and thin, looks beyond itself to more fateful promises still, and speaks mightily of what human life at its most human and most alive and most holy must always be. Every wedding is a dream, and every word that is spoken there means more than it says, and every gesture - the clasping of hands, the giving of rings - is rich with mystery. And so it [is that] we hope with every bride and groom, that the love they bear one another, and the joy they take in one another, may help them grow in love for this whole world where their final joy lies.

Frederick Buechner

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Kyle and Kelly! I love you both so much!! May your marriage be filled with rich mystery and constant joy as your love for one another continues to grow. Thanks for being amazing examples of how love works.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Little Boys Knees

You know how they are... all scrapped up, bruised, torn apart... and awesome. Yep, a mark of a true adventurer is the battle wounds they receive due to their adventuring.

Well, I can honestly say that I have little boy knees right now... due to true adventuring. Yes! Actually kind of makes me happy... because it means i'm doing really cool stuff.

See??


Ok, you're right... that's not really me... its this other really cool girl and you can check out more amazing scaefer photography here.

But the point is, that could be me... because that is actually how i'm bashing up my knees... rock climbing people. Oh so cool. Seriously. Best sport ever. No joke. We don't joke about these things. It's that serious.

Yesterday, in 90 degree weather (because its that cool), a really awesome boy (aka boyfriend!) and I went to Index and climbed lots of rocks. This is something I've been getting into more and more... and I hope to get really good at it (Marginal Karma... I'm coming for you) because its so awesome. 5.15's people. That's all I'll say.

For now, I'm on like 5.8ish's during the day, but recently learned that 5.7's during the night with a headlamp is kind of scary... but also really cool, actually. I should have gone for it more... but I was a wuss... which means I'll have to conquer it eventually.

Regardless, it is awesome. And therefore, knees, go ahead and get destroyed. Right now both of my knees have big bruises on them... my right knee in particular is actually kind of gross looking... swollen (although that could be from my actual knee injury, blah), scrapped up, a pretty purple color... which I suppose is appropriate because it matches my climbing shoes. So there! See, I'm still a girl... just doing really really cool stuff.

Basically just loving life right now. I feel spoiled. And lucky. And I won't take it for granted. Because its that special.


Monday, August 9, 2010

The Greatest Expression of Love

Let me introduce you to a special little guy in my life....


... This is the coolest five-year-old nephew an auntie could ever have!! [i mean, just look at that face... it says it all. love it!]

Not only does he have the VERY BEST facial expressions EVER... he also shares the same love for music that I do... and some I don't. Let's just say, this is his favorite song right now... and yes, he does actually know ALL the words and sings along at the top of his lungs! Talk about trouble...

Anyway, yesterday, we were saying good bye to each other, and as always we wrapped each other up in the biggest, baddest bear hug ever!!

... squeezing each other as tight as we could, the following unfolded...

Auntie Dawn: Nephew, I love you SO much!!

Nephew stops, stretches hands out his arms as wide as he can behind his back: Auntie Dawn, I love you THIS much!

Auntie Dawn: Nephew, I love you that much too!

Nephew: But Auntie Dawn, I love you as much as I love Roscoe!!

Friends, I have never felt so loved... That has seriously got to be the greatest expression of love an auntie could ever receive. I mean, just look at Roscoe...


Apparently my nephew loves me THAT much... :)

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

A Little Wave, Hello

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear. - Ambrose Redmoon

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Out deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. - Marianne Williamson

Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Get out and get busy. - Dale Carnegie

Anything I've ever done that ultimately was worthwhile... initially scared me to death. - Betty Bender

Action and reaction, ebb and flow, trial and error, change - this is the rhythm of living. Out of our over-confidence, fear; out of our fear, clearer vision, fresh hope. And out of hope, progress. - Bruce Barton

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. - John 14:27

There are very few monsters who warrant the fear we have of them. - Andre Gide

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It's time we kick some monsters out of our closets and see them for what they really are.... go ahead, give your fears a little wave, hello. They can't be that scary.... see???




Monday, August 2, 2010

So many updates... not enough time

  • Summit St Helen's with my Dad and brother? Check! Pictures coming soon... [brett, i need those pictures!]
  • Discovered a new love of mine... rock climbing! Seriously people... SO awesome. You can expect a more detailed explanation soon.
  • Three weekends in a row camping... life is good.
  • Watching Roscoe for the next couple weeks. LOVE him!
  • Learning some great new things right now... like how its actually really easy to get back into the U.S. from canada if you don't have a passport... However, i don't recommend trying it twice :)
  • If you could have the super power to bounce or fly, which would you choose?? Just call me bounce girl
  • Moving out of my house in a month... found the perfect new roommate! Now waiting to find the perfect new room... maybe even this week? Crossing my fingers
  • Being surprised a lot right now... and loving every moment of it. Again... life is good.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Half Way... Better than Nothing?

Last weekend was the most fun... and the most frustrating... that I've experienced in a loooong time. Last weekend, a group and I embarked on an epic climb up the second highest mountain in Washington... Mt. Adams!

It was SOOOO fun! And SOOOO beautiful! See?


We started out with our destination calling our names.


The ladies led the way.


We messed around and had a ton of fun.


The mountain was just beautiful.


The sunset was awesome.


The mountain's shadow on our campsite was majestic.

All in all, it was spectacular.

But I couldn't make it to the top. I knew that I wouldn't before I even went on the trip... because of my frickin knee injury from February. I needed to save my knee for this upcoming weekend on St. Helens with my family. But you know, I thought that it would be worth it to go to Adams and just hang out at base camp while everyone else summitted... and yeah, it probably was (I mean, just look at those awesome pictures!!)... but it was also immeasurably frustrating and maddening. I wanted to go up all the way SO bad! I still do. So, I'm going to have to go back... probably this summer if possible. Because it just sucks that I made it over 9,100 feet and couldn't go all the way to 12,000 feet. Just 3,000 more and I'd be on the top of the world. I will be there someday.

For now, I'm preparing to take my family up Saint Helens next weekend! I WILL make that summit if its the last thing I do! And I'll probably kill my knee severely on the way down. Blah. But it'll be worth it. I've got to get my Dad to the top. Its going to an epic day for him. And that makes my heart oh so happy! I cannot WAIT to share his first alpine climb with him! Maybe I'll take him up Adams in August with me if my knee doesn't die on the mountain. I'm crossing my fingers and hoping for the best! So far so good.


Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Another Fortunate 'Accident'

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being 'in love' which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two." - St. Augustine

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Corene and Dave, so excited for both of you! What a wonderfully beautiful and joyful day this was. I'm so very thankful to have been a part of it! Love you both so much!!!


Monday, June 21, 2010

Another Promise Made

The reality of the bride and groom, which is also their joy, is of course that they love each other... They love each other indeed, and in a grim world their love is a delight to behold, but love as a response of the heart to loveliness, love as primarily an emotion, is only part of what a Christian wedding celebrates, and beyond it are levels that sentimentality cannot see. Because the promises that are given are not just promises to love the other when the other is lovely and lovable, but to love the other for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, and that means to love the other even at half-past three in the morning when the baby is crying and to love each other with a terrible cold in the head and when the bills have to be paid. The love that is affirmed at a wedding is not just a condition of the heart but an act of the will, and the promise that love makes is to will the other's good even at the expense sometimes of its own good - and that is quite a promise.

Frederick Buechner

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Wishing Trevor and Heather Uhler much love and laughter as they continue on this journey of life, now together. Love you both dearly. Congrats on this great promise made to one another.



Monday, June 14, 2010

The Party's Complete

I bought goggles today. At Walgreens, of all places. Why? Because I've decided to take up swimming... because I'm still not supposed to run or hike because of my knee. BTW, I didn't tear my meniscus, so no surgery, which is awesome. But now they think its a problem with my IT band which I guess takes a looooooong time to heal. I have a friend who had the issue and it took a year to heal. Blah. Fortunately, my new PT is already making progress on my knee... therefore, my hope has been restored for some amazing adventures this summer... Mount Adams and St. Helens included. And that is why I'm defaulting to swimming. Even though I kind of hate it. And kind of suck at it... I'm still going for it because its what's going to keep me ready for the moment I get the OK to hike. This is my hope anyway... we'll see how it plays out.

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To get my MBA? Or not to? That is the question... we'll see what the divine has planned for me. Waiting and trusting for now.

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It's almost August... when my lease comes up... and the ending of an epic two years comes into play. My roommates and I are dispersing with celebrations of marriage, traveling adventures, and eastside jobs. But I'll remain in this wonderful Seattle city. I will miss my wonderful roommates to death... but am expectant for what this next phase of life holds. We'll see how the living situation pans out. For now, I'm soaking up each and every day that we have left together... as roommates... not as friends, because that's forever. So we at least have that going for us :)

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We watched a huge german shepherd this weekend... his name was Max. And he was awesome. I made him cuddle with me and I think he eventually learned to love it. This weekend just further confirms that one day I will own a huge, lovable pup of my own... and I cannot wait.

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I've been driving a rental ford focus for the past week. Because a metro bus hit my PARKED car. Blah. Talk about inconvenient and annoying. Luckily, I get my beloved car back today. I'm stoked.

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And I'll leave you with a quote from Frederick Buechner:

The grace of God means something like this: Here is your life. You might never have been, but you are because the party wouldn't have been complete without you.


Monday, June 7, 2010

What is love? Baby don't hurt me.

Remember that song? Remember The Night at the Roxbury... bobbing heads, broken glass and the two most awkward movie characters EVER created. Ha! Awesomeness for sure. True love?Not so much.

Lately, I've just been processing that question... what is love? Like true love. Not friendship love, not puppy love, not cheeze-it and diet coke love [although possibly close]. What is real, deep, I-want-to-be-married-to-you-forever love? And what makes it different?

Just for the record, I'm probably not the best person to be discussing love. Have I ever been in love? Hmmm, yep, probably... but I'm not married, don't love another right now and don't know when or if I ever will.

But its still an important question. And I find myself thinking about it a lot lately. You see, many of my friends either have, or are going to get married this summer, and I wonder what makes their love different... what makes them jump into the adventure called marriage. I mean, its kind of scary. Don't you think? FOR-E-VER. Whew! That's a looooooong time. But they go for it! Jumping in with both feet... ready for anything.

Because of love.

So, why?

To be honest, I'm not sure. I don't have that understanding. But I do observe it. The beginning of simple [or not so simple] attraction, the manifestation of deeper and deeper feelings, and eventually the transformation of a decision. THE decision...

...to love another so gloriously and fiercely in their complete humanness. Selflessly.

Whew! That's kind of a big deal. To fiercely love someone in their weakness and vulnerability. What? Really? It's totally counter-intuitive and must take immeasurable amounts of selflessness and intentionality... no wonder people say marriage refines the heart and character of those who decide to partake in the adventure. Because love is difficult. It has to be.

But, love IS real. And it's fierce. It doesn't just sit on the way-side. It takes action. Is an epic. Heroic. Majestic. Surpassing the usual. Impressive in quality. Important to history. A presence. An enabler. A protector. An encouragement. A catalyst.

What is love? Baby don't hurt me.

It requires risk. But in the end it has to be worth it. It is worth it. And that's why people - my beautiful friends included - jump in and go for it. Maybe one day I'll be brave enough to go for it too. Or maybe that's the difference... love must build bravery too.

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And just for remembrance purposes... sooooo ridiculous ha!


Friday, May 28, 2010

Tattooed Ankles

Yesterday was a bit comical. Two doctors in one day. One: I have a sinus infection. Two: My MRI on my knee is complete (but I have to wait until June 8th for the results).

After my first doctor's appointment, I went to the pharmacy to fill my prescription. There was a man there waiting for a prescription as well... and he had the coolest tattoos around both his ankles. Seriously very cool.

I finally got my prescription, bought a cool little plant from the Trader Joe's next door, and went home. Watched a little TV and relaxed and then was off to my MRI appointment.

And guess what? Mr. Tattoos on his Ankles was there too. Ha! Smmaaaaaal world friends. We laughed, talked about how broken our bodies are right now and then both got MRIs.

"Take care," he said as we parted ways.

It was nice to make a random connection like that with a stranger. Wish that happened more in life. Just saying.

Anyway, that's it. Random I know.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

In the literal sense of the word

I feel broken... literally.

My knee still has not healed. I went to an orthopedist yesterday. Got x-rayed. Getting an MRI tomorrow. Torn lateral meniscus? We shall see. We shall see very very soon. I'm not sure what to hope for. If its torn then I can get surgery and finally be on my way to a full recovery. If its not, then what the hell is going on with my knee and how much longer will it take to heal? Its already been 4 months. The doctor says my quad has atrophy... meaning the muscle is diminishing from less usage... he didn't mention any other options besides a torn meniscus. Needless to say, I'm ready for some answers. I've got mountains to climb in July... serious ones. And so I need some serious answers. And a seriously quick recovery.

My head hurts. It feels like its either going to explode or implode... not sure which one. Hope neither happens... but then again, if it did it probably wouldn't hurt anymore. Ugh. Sinus infection maybe? Should go to the doctor, but I'm getting sick of doctors. What to do? What to do? More coffee...

I fell on my wrist the other day. It still hurts. Not sprained.... merely annoyed, or strained. In any case, typing bugs it. But that's what I do all day, so I may as well continue and keep trying to ignore it.

So, when I fell the other day, the impact on my wrist must have also impacted my upper arm/shoulder/deltoid/i don't know what muscle it actually is, but it hurts. And blow drying and straightening my hair is taking longer because the hurting arm/shoulder requires breaks from being used. Blah. Good thing I didn't miss my bus this morning.

The irony? Everything that hurts is on my right side. Feel free to call me a right-sided gimp for now. My left side won't take offense.

The dichotomy between good, strong, courageous and adventurous... and stop! slow down! don't do that! ouch! is driving me crazy... Which side do I listen to? Can I listen to both at the same time? Not sure...

Ok, my gripping is over. Everything will heal in time... hopefully the time will be fast, quick, like the speed of light. I'm crossing my fingers... on my left side. We'll see if that helps.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

L-O-V-E




This weekend was truly amazing. My good friends Taylor and Carly got married...

and my heart is oh so happy...

yep...

Joy-filled.


Thursday, May 13, 2010

Treading Life

Am I at a standstill? Have I been in the same spot for the last year? Or am I moving forward... or backward... or back and forth?

I recently re-read some posts I made a year back... and I feel like I'm behind from where I was then. Discouraging? I'm not sure. More like accepting. Accepting where I'm at, what I've learned (or at least am trying to learn)... and looking forward to where I'm going (which I'm not entirely sure where that is).

So, for now, just call me the Dawn Treader... I'm sailing through this ocean called life and I'm definitely afloat... just trying to figure out how to work the compass right now. And how to trust the compass.

For now, Frederick Beuchner's prayer is mine:

Father and Lord,

Most near and most far, listen to our silence before thee as well as to our prayers, because often it is the silence that speaks better of our need. Speak thy joy into our silence. Breath thy life into our less than life, not for our own sakes only but for the sake of those to whom, with thy life in us, we may ourselves bring life.

Much as we wish, not one of us can bring back yesterday or shape tomorrow. Only today is ours, and it will not be ours for long, and once it is gone it will never in all time be ours again. Thou only knowest what it holds in store for us, yet even we know something of what it will hold. The chance to speak the truth, to show mercy, to ease another's burden. The chance to resist evil, to remember all the good times and the good people of our past, to be brave, to be strong, to be glad. We know that today as every day our lives will be touched by thee and that one way or another thou wilt speak to us before we sleep, for the very moments themselves of our lives are thy words to us. Give us ears to hear thee speak. Give us hearts to quicken as thou drawest near. Amen.


Thursday, May 6, 2010

Do your eyes see?

I was at Westlake Center the other day after work. The goal was to simply kill some time before I met up with a friend for some good happy hour chatting and solving all the world's problems.

Well, before my friend and I discovered the cure to cancer and injustice, I took steps toward the glass doors that would lead me out of Westlake... and I saw him.

A very tall man.
At least 6 foot 5 inches.
Skinnier than a rail.
Shoulder bones protruding through his thinly worn striped shirt [which actually reminded me of Jacob's amazing technicolor dream-coat].
Plastic shoes.
No socks.
High-water pants [he was really tall].
Long, curly, uncontrollable hair...
Bearded.
Arms hanging at his sides as if they weighed ninety pounds.
Two-inch long fingernails [no joke]... truly nasty looking... yellow and brittle.

And as he shuffled toward the door, it became apparent that this man carried the weight of the world on his shoulders... literally. No doubt his life has been a mixture of hardship, pain, unfairness, injustice... and hopefully a little of love, courage and hope too... all of which have worn this man down.

And as he approached the doors [me walking behind him] he stops... and waits. And watches.
It becomes clear to me that this man does not have the strength to open a simple glass door. His freedom relies on the random passersby... all of which I watch walk right past this man... never giving him a second glance. Never looking him in the eye. Failing to notice his desperate presence. Refusing to bring him to freedom.

So, I take the plunge. I walk past this man and see that he expects the same indifference from me. But as I open the door for myself and walk out, I turn and hold the door open... and he realizes its for him.

And he looks at me. And it is a piercing stare straight into my heart... one of which either comes directly from satan, or from Jesus. Its hard to distinguish because it burns deep, makes me want to run away as fast as I can... left me feeling vulnerable in the deepest sense. Like there was no way to hide.

I tell him to have a good day. Turn. And walk away.

---

I don't know who that man was. I never will. But he makes me think of Jesus... waiting to be recognized by the world who is so often too busy to notice. Waiting to make eye contact... waiting for our willingness to allow him to see deep within our souls. A piercing look that forces us to either run further into the dark or out into light. It makes us nervous. And it should. Because Jesus is anything but safe. And he pursues refinement in our hearts, souls and minds. And he will refine us in whatever way we make him... but we must look. We must see. And he will continue watching and waiting for us until we make the first move to open the doors of our hearts and let him walk through to lead us into freedom.



Monday, May 3, 2010

Hebrews 12: 1-12

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons:
"My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline,
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."

Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. "Make level paths for your feet," so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.

---

Sharing in His holiness...


Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Oh, for the love of...

Ok, people. I'm ready to bear all... here it goes... take a deep breath with me...

... for the past three months or so... I was dating... yep, a catholic.

Haha. Yep, its true. And many of you already know... but I was dating a catholic for a little over 3 months. The guy in question was quite brilliant really. I mean, everyone has their rough-around-the-edges spots, but he was truly wonderful. We had so much fun together. He made me laugh. He made me smile.

But it just can't work.

No, its not because he's catholic. That doesn't bug me as much. It's really because our lifestyles differ. Our viewpoints on several big things don't line up and therefore, it just can't work. It just won't work.

And can I just say it really sucks? Because I really do like him. And he likes me too. But relationships aren't just be about feelings.

Right?

I mean, when it comes right down to the nitty grittiness of love, I just don't believe that "all you need is love." Love is not only about feelings. Its about a choice: A decision made to embark on a journey so beautifully intertwined that even when differences and anger abound (which of course they will), honor and respect are chosen above all things. And that's a lot easier said than done, my friends. And if morals, life philosophies, actions and beliefs differ between people, then choosing honor and respect will be that much more difficult. Perhaps even impossible.

A little daunting, really.

And how will life decisions be made if two people view them differently? And look to different things to find truth? If foundations are not the same, then all you're asking for is hardship.

And even though he seems perfect for now. He is not perfect for later. And therefore, it just can't be.

And you know what? Aside from the whole love thing, I really really want to be able to share my whole self with the person I "live happily ever after" with. My whole entire self. And that includes what's in my heart. It includes who I run to for my hope. My peace. My deliverance. And if the person I choose to love does not understand or know that part of me... well then, they will never know who I truly am. What I strive to live by... and for. And that would devastate me. That in itself would be far worse than living alone. And I refuse to let it be so.

But refusing is harder to do than to say. I'll be honest. I still want to hang out with him. Okay, I'll be even more honest... I am still hanging out with him. In a friendship sense. I think. I hope. I'm trying.

No one ever said life choices were easy. They aren't supposed to be. If they were then we'd never learn or grow.

So, all of this to say... I'm in a learning and growing process right now. And it takes time. So bear with me.

Like I said, I really am trying.


Monday, April 12, 2010

Just thoughts

You know what? I really do believe that the majority of life is lived in the grey. And right now, my life seems so utterly caught within the very depths of the grey.

Choices seem to muddle together. Decisions lay on the wayside to be picked up later. And actions just sort of stew in unknowingness.

It's as if I'm sitting still for a moment...

Waiting...

For life's single file line to start moving again.

It's a weird place to be. But I'm trying my hardest to continue trusting. To reduce my self sufficiency to ashes.

God, why am I so self sufficient?

Lacking life structure.

Do I really need to live within structure?

I truly am a closet rule breaker...


A little California-tripping

Six.

That is the number of times I have had the amazing opportunity to go to the happiest place on earth... Disneyland.

And that's exactly where I was last week in 80 degree weather with my Mom, Dad, Brother, Sister-in-law, and my two most wonderful (and only) nephews. We explored. We conquered. And every Disneyland ride was a blast. And it was SOOO fun. I mean, how could it not be?

See??


At first we were really excited (well Scott looks skeptical at this point, ha!)


Then we took some group photos while standing in the looooong lines.


And finally we got to experience some pretty cool rides that were Awesome AND Amazing!


And finally, we had SO much fun that we were all tuckered out after each long day of much fun and excitement :)

And life is good my friends. Life is very good indeed.

Friday, March 26, 2010

20 Somethings

I remember when I was eleven. I'd be walking with my Mom through the grocery store with my tapped-down bangs, hair wrapped up in a messy bun, with baggy-ish pants and my addidas T-shirt. Yes, I was a more than slightly awkward girl trying to fit in, and even more, simply attempting to figure myself out and understand who I was.

But then we'd get to the check out counter where all the magazines would be lined up and... I would see it.

Seventeen magazine.

My stare would linger on the cover of some teenage girl smiling back at me. I wanted what she had. I wanted to experience what she experienced and I couldn't wait to actually be seventeen. That's when my life would miraculously make sense. All the boys would like me. All the girls would want to be my friend. And I would be living the good life.

Well, seventeen came along, and as good as it was (seriously... my high school experience was awesome), it wasn't what Seventeen magazine made it out to be. But now, 25! That's the year that things happen! Or so I believed.

And now I'm 24. I'll be 25 next month. And just like that seventeen myth... I wonder what my twenty fifth year will bring.

More change? Undoubtedly.
More heartbreak? Most likely.
More joy, more questions, more struggle, more decisions, more adventure, more fun? Absolutely.

And I look forward in expectation to it all.



Monday, March 22, 2010

Am I going crazy?

Oh my gosh... I can't decide if I'm losing my mind or if I'm finally finding a remedy for my deep need for some puppy love... like the real puppy love... the kind that licks and wiggles and runs like the wind until he can't any longer and collapses in a heap of exhaustion and joy.

The remedy you ask? Well... I'm not really sure if I should admit this... but I will...

I just emailed a company in Greenlake that runs a dog day care/over-night boarding facility and offered to VOLUNTEER my time.

That's right. Volunteer. Free of charge. No money required. I just want to play with their dogs... maybe take one for a walk or run... simply love them a little. Because, I just want a dog so bad, and I know I can't have one, so perhaps this will remedy my heartache for a puppy of my own for a while.

We'll see what they say. I hope they at least want to meet me... because I'm pretty sure once they do, they'll see how utterly OBSESSED I am with dogs and will let me stop by from time to time to play.

And if they don't... well then I'm back to square one and may end up with a little pup of my own sometime soon... because I just can't say "no" forever...


Thursday, March 11, 2010

Simple Ramblings

  • Remember in your pre-adolescent past when you longed for a puppy? Remember how it consumed your every thought as life simply hung on the edge of need as the longing grew deeper and deeper? Well, I've discovered that puppy syndrome is contagious in adults too. Crazy. Maybe I've read Where the Red Fern Grows too many times... or maybe I simply need to give in... for now I'm holding on to someday.
  • How are you supposed to deal with feelings of disrespect? Feelings of being unappreciated and taken advantage of? Especially when you can't do anything about it? Makes you want to just stay home and watch Millionaire Matchmaker... yep, its that depressing. Ha. I'm holding on for something better.
  • Variety is the spice of life. Seriously. Without possibility of un-sameness, life would be consumingly boring and unfulfilling and dry and... well... dead. Therefore, I will never surround myself with sameness.
  • I just bought some girl scout cookies... and I'm excited :)
  • My knee continues to heal. But I wore heels to an event the other night and ruined it again. It hurts. It needs to get better. I have mountains to climb this summer.
  • Friendlies are the best thing in life. I am consumed by gratitude and thankfulness for the friendlies in my life. Without them I would be lost.
  • It is Thursday... Friday tomorrow... and then the weekend. Oh happy weekend! You came so fast. Thank you.

Friday, February 26, 2010

PS: I'm Excited to Watch This Guy Over the Weekend! We make a great team together, he and I

Leaps and Bounds Required

I think out of all the various "feelings" out there, discouragement has got to be one of the very worst that we can feel.

It saps energy, makes things seem impossible, and leaves one feeling inhibited and trapped by circumstance. It really just sucks. And I must admit that lately, discouragement has been knocking at my door... and the door keeps creeping open.

You see, I hurt my knee snowshoeing two weeks ago. It hasn't really gotten better, so yesterday I went to physical therapy for it. My doctor (is that what they're called? or is it physical therapist? but that's too long.. so i'll stick with doc) said that there's a 25% chance that I tore my lateral meniscus... which for those who don't know... would mean surgery and a very long recovery. Talk about discouragement for someone who thrives on being active... walking, running, hiking, soccer, tapping my foot, jumping up and down in excitement... well, you get the picture. I'm an active person and perpetual movement is what I do. So, not being able to move is slightly suffocating.

The silver lining though, is that there's only a 25% chance that I tore my meniscus. Therefore, the plan is to go through 6-8 weeks of PT and if there's progressive healing, then we'll assume it wasn't a tear. However, if it stays the same or gets worse, then I'll have to get an MRI to confirm one way or the other... and then based on that... possible surgery. But let's not think about that... again, the door is creeping open and I'm doing my very best to keep it shut.

I think the hardest part about my knee is that its causing more stress in my life. On top of that, I'm starting to study for the GMAT and the math section is REALLY stressing me out (because I just suck at it... no seriously, this is not a joke... I suck at math). And all this stress has to go somewhere. Usually, I just run my stress out. But because I can't... its just kind of sitting, brewing, stagnating, intoxicating my life and I don't know how to get rid of it. If you have any ideas, I'd love to hear them. Let's get creative together on this. Otherwise this whole discouragement door is going to swing wide open and will swallow me up. Hmm... I'd really rather avoid that if possible :)

Ok, so my whine-fest is done for the day. My debbie-downerness will be replaced by crazy positive-dawnerness. How's that for a good plan?

And PS: Just for the record, I hate baby steps. I'm working for leaps and bounds here.