Contently discontent

Contentment: happiness with one's situation in life.

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I am a type seven. Yep. According to the enneagram test of personality, that's me. Which is ironically perfect since seven is my favorite number...

But let's see... what do you think? Am I extroverted? Optimistic (overly perhaps)? Versatile, spontaneous, playful, high-spirited, and yet practical too? Yep. I think so. Constantly seeking new and exciting experiences and having problems with impatience and impulsiveness... this describes me. And, guess what the basic desire of a type seven is? To be satisfied and content.

So true. Oh, so true.

The problem is that a type seven "does not feel that they can find what they really want in life." Quite the problem if you ask me... The thorn in my flesh, if you will. I often feel discontent; wanting more and feeling unsatisfied with where I'm at in life. But, I am learning that right now in my life, it is okay to feel this way. I don't have to have it all right now. And therefore, I am resting in the fact that I can be content with being discontent.

And, you know what? There's power and freedom in the realization that contentment can co-exist with my discontent. And it's amazing how being okay with that reality pushes my dissatisfaction with life into the background and removes its power to control and restrict... leaving the space to live in the present with joy and meaning. (Hmm... something to think about a little more)

Oftentimes, it seems like Christians are given a list of do's and don'ts... feelings that are okay to have, and one's that are not. Discontentment - or being unsatisfied with life - is always found under the "bad" list. But, I don't think it has to be. I'm not entirely sure that Jesus meant for us to always be 100% happy or satisfied. And I don't think He was. Perhaps we need to struggle with life and opposing dichotomies in order to stretch our feeble minds outside of our way of thinking into Jesus' way of thinking. And if that's the case, then I will remain contently discontent. Because I know that there is more to this life... but I also know that Jesus has perfect timing... and that I do not.

Waiting for God's best. It's not a type seven thing to do... but I'm going to try to do it anyway...

The 85%

If you go to an airport, get on a plane, reach 15,000 feet or so for a few too many hours, guess what? Your feet may swell.

Or, you get pregnant [don't freak out, i'm not pregnant]. Your last tri-mester is almost up and you're pretty dang excited about this new little one that's about to pop out. Then, maybe you look down and what do you see? Over-sized ankles and swollen feet.

This is reality people... sometimes feet swell up like a balloon.

But here's another reality... feet shrink too.

Did you know that? I never did until today. Grabbing the heels I wear to work about 85% of the time, I jammed them on my feet as I ran out the door to catch the bus [running a bit late... hoping i don't miss the bus... I didn't].

And then it happened... my heals slipped out of my heels and I almost projected myself across the concrete. What?! These are my go-to shoes, my never know what to wear so grab the pumps that can do no wrong, heels... but today they were too big.

Weird.

It's been a while.

Maybe I just needed a break for a while... or maybe I just let things get to me. Regardless, I'm back to the blog... at least for this wimpy post.

I'm not really sure what to say either. I could tell you about my trip to Hawaii... but as amazing as it was, there's not too much to say. It was a wonderful week of sunshine, the beach, snorkeling, deep sea fishing, and much needed relaxation.

I could tell you about how I went running a couple weeks ago in the dark. I ended up tripping and sprawling across the concrete... bashed my knees up pretty good. Let me tell you, its pretty gross when you take your leggings off and bloody skin sticks to youe leggings. Eww. But my knees are on the mend... and I think I'm going to start running with a headlamp... which I know will look stupid, but maybe it'll protect my knees from further disaster.

I could also tell you about how we finally got a new garbage can lid. Someone stole ours about 2 months ago. Kelly happened to step in dog pooh while cleaning up the garbage around our house (due to the raccoons and crows) and so, we decided to get a new lid. Since then, I am happy to report that Kelly hasn't stepped in anymore dog crap. Gross.

Renee, Kelly and I came home late one night to Stacy standing on the sidewalk outside our house. When we asked her what she was doing, she told us our resident raccoon was blocking the path to our front door. And so, she stood there... and waited for us... to come home... fortunately, no one has had a run in with the angry raccoon since. Let's hope it stays that way. Raccoons are vicious.

Yep, after a full month, that's really all there is to say.

Keep on, keeping on... that's what I'm doing.

What the VP of Coca-Cola Taught Me

Yesterday I went to an event at my church where Bonnie Wurzbacher, Vice President of Coca-Cola, came and spoke on "Finding Meaning in Your Work." It was truly inspirational and has changed many of my ideas about business.

For one, as a Christian, business seems so self-righteous... the goal is to make money. It just seems so greedy. In fact, that is one of the main reasons why I pushed against the idea of going into business. But, as always, God had different plans for my life, and here I find myself smack dab in the midst of marketing, advertising and selling... essentially motivating people to choose our service over the competition. But I love it. And in the past, my heart has struggled with the question... does providing Digital TV, broadband Internet and Digital Phone over an advanced fiber optic infrastructure really have meaning? Or is this just something that I do?

But, listen to what Bonnie has to say about business...

The role of business in God's kingdom is to advance the economic well-being of communities around the world, and as the only source of wealth creation, to enable every social, civic and spiritual institution to exist.

- Bonnie Wurzbacher

Wow! Essentially, without business, every other institution in this world would cease to exist... because they all rely on business for their wealth creation. Therefore, without business, say goodbye to churches. Say goodbye to non-profits, government, travel, sports, even aspects of your social life. Isn't that incredible?! I have never thought of business in that sense. But, it's true.

In fact, Bonnie spoke about how business is a calling in one's life. It requires the ability to do the job ("can do") the enjoyment of doing the job ("want to") and the discernment that this is where God wants you ("led to"). I've never really thought of business as a calling. I mean, I've heard of people getting called to... say, Africa. Or Vietnam. But business? Well, why not?

As discussed above, without business, every institution would pretty much cease to exist. Therefore, why wouldn't God place a calling on individuals to go into business and not only be an ethical part of the solution, but also be people capable of continuing to create wealth so that every other institution will continue to flourish and prosper as well? Genesis 1:27-28 - sometimes called the cultural mandate - calls us to be fruitful, fill the earth and subdue it... or essentially, create cultures and build civilizations. And that's ultimately what business advocates and creates room for. Business functions to build and support cultures and civilizations so that they continue to grow and flourish. Now that's what I call meaningful!

In addition, I learned that it is important to view our jobs with a macro (not micro) perspective.

For example, I create advertising materials for my company. I could sit down one morning and be discouraged that I'm simply creating another direct mail piece... again... that may only irritate and possibly discourage a potential customer from choosing our service. I mean, it's only the Internet. Right?

OR

I can sit down every day and remember that by promoting our services, I am essentially helping people all over the nation remain connected with each other and information around the world that will help them grow in meaningful relationships with one another. Relationships are important. In fact, I would argue that they are the most important thing in this world and what we were primarily created for: to have relationship with our God and each other. Therefore, my job allows me to positively impact and provide a platform in which people can connect all around the world through television (where people collect information and learn about cultures around the world), Digital Phone (allowing people to connect with one another and build relationships through continued communication) and the Internet (where people can remain connected with each other in real time through email, social networks and the like as well as the ability to find useful information to help them grow and reach their goals).

Those two perspectives are completely different. There's a big "who cares?" in the first, but much meaning and purpose in the other.

Do you lend micro or macro thinking to your job? Do you see business as a calling? I, for one, am beginning to.

Thank you, Bonnie Wurzbacher, for you words of wisdom yesterday.

My Heart

If we are to be disciples of Jesus, we must be made disciples supernaturally. And as long as we consciously maintain the determined purpose to be His disciples, we can be sure that we are not disciples. Jesus says, "You did not choose Me, but I chose you..." (John 15:16). That is the way the grace of God begins. It is a constraint we can never escape; we can disobey it, but we can never start it or produce it ourselves. We are drawn to God by a work of His supernatural grace, and we can never trace it back to find where the work began. Our Lord's making of a disciple is supernatural. He does not build on any natural capacity of our at all. God does not ask us to do the things that are naturally easy for us - He only asks us to do the things that we are perfectly fit to do through His grace, and that is where the cross we must bear will always come.

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest

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I've never felt sorrow and joy so completely intertwined before. But I have for the last month or so... every day...

Its almost as if my heart feels the strain of this world... the cry of misplaced hope... the need for love and the feeling of failure. But then, the dichotomy of Hope leans right up against it too. The Hope of knowing and trusting in Jesus. The understanding that what is lost can be found... and is found. And although my feeble attempts often land me in the midst of "failure" (whatever that means), the Hope and Joy in my heart begins to fix me little by little. And I wish others would know this Truth too...

Oswald Chamber wrote, "He only asks us to do the things that we are perfectly fit to do through His grace, and that is where the cross we must bear will always come." Oh how my heart feels heavy when I read that! For the sorrow and pain in my soul reminds me that my life is messy... and this world has left fingerprints on my heart... but I somehow trust (I am left needing to trust) that the Joy and Hope that lives within me will outlast and transform the grime. It is what makes me whole. It calls me. Pushes me. Asks me to be something I don't think I can be. And I can't on my own. In my weakness he lifts my heavy heart to His and whispers ever so severely - and sweetly - that His strength can be sufficient. Rest in me. Rest under my wings and be loved by your Father who loves you. And oh, He does. He loves so utterly and completely that it almost hurts my heart... because it is so profound and real and... there.

Perhaps that is why my heart seems so heavy and joyful right now. Because His love is in the midst of my weakness... and perhaps, for right now at least, it is sustaining me. And all I can do is lean into it. Because me heart is so weak. It's always been weak. For I am simply a human trying to make some sense in this world. But He is filling my heart with Joy... And I am trying.

The Maker

I haven't really known what to write about lately... so I haven't written anything.

I guess I'll just leave you with this... Dave Matthews' "The Maker"

Remember, you're not a stranger in the hands of the Maker.

Could I? Why not? Maybe I will.

This summer has been an amazing adventure for me. Aside from all the training hikes I've embarked on, I've climbed Mount Saint Helen's, Mount Baker and hiked up to the base camp on Mount Rainier (Camp Muir). It's been a pretty amazing experience for me... and I've found that I love climbing mountains. I love being outside, stretching myself beyond what I think I can do, and reach a goal that not many people get a chance to do. The views are spectacular and the feeling of accomplishment cannot be replicated... not to mention that crampons are by far the most amazing thing in the world! 

That's why it was so cool to hear a co-worker - who is a legitimate mountain climber himself - tell me that if I wanted, I could seriously become a great mountain climber. Wow. Maybe it doesn't sound like a big deal to you... but it is. You see, when I'm on a mountain, I feel like a little girl who doesn't belong. I'm not tall with the long legs to carry me far. I don't have super big muscles to haul myself and a huge pack up there. I just simply want to be there and so I pretty much just tell myself to go. And so I do. Therefore, to hear someone have faith in the idea that I could be a mountain climber is not only humbling... but inspiring. 

And so, I think to myself, why not? And so, maybe I will. Maybe someday I'll be climbing all over the world. Maybe even guiding... who knows. Because let's be honest, this summer has been quite the adventure. And I don't want these views to end:

MOUNT SAINT HELEN'S - 8,363 ft elevation

MOUNT BAKER - 10,778 ft elevation

CAMP MUIR - 10, 112 ft elevation

And what's next you ask? Well, I'm already planning on climbing Mt. Adams and possibly Mt. Shasta next summer, along with St. Helen's and Muir again. We shall see where I go from here. It's pretty exciting!