Fun fun fun

It is Halloween and I'm very excited.

All of my roommates (+ 2 cool guys) are all planning on dressing up as Office characters... I am either going to be Pam or Kelly.... still deciding. It is going to be a fun night to say the least ;)

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Also - just want to give a shout out to my most amazing roommates! You guys are the greatest!!!! I seriously am SO incredibly blessed to have roommates like you guys! (Especially when you bring me coffee from starbucks in the morning when I'm getting ready... THANK YOU STACE!!!)

A Bus Lesson

Walk on the bus... look around...

Men and women 

sitting, 

staring, 

sleeping, 

listening to an iPod, 

reading a book,

dressed in work attire, ready for the day?

But who are they? What are their stories? Are their lives currently filled with joy or with pain? Do they have someone to go home to? Do they feel lonely or loved?

Everyone has a story to share. Wouldn't it be cool if we each had our own life story teller that followed us, writing our experiences down as we lived them? It would be an ongoing process - but we could stop every once in a while and flip back the story and read. Wouldn't it help us to remember where we've been... and remind us where we are going?

I wonder what the stories are of the strangers I see every day. 

And I wonder if mine will ever make an impact... or where I will end up.

But you can't read the final yet... its still in its creative process of discovery.

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PS: Isn't it frustrating when you over-react about something? You just end up worrying about something that isn't worth putting energy toward. Its dumb. 

Unrelenting Pursuit

"You won't relent 

Until you have it all.

My heart is yours."

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...and so He continues to be faithful, continues to pursue after me...after you. He will not relent - He will not rest - until he has it all - all of me, all of you, each and every one of our hearts... The brokenness. The joy. The secrets. The laughter. The love. The hurt. He wants it all.

Each day we rise, He rises with us. He walks along beside us - often pushing us, carrying us, loving us along our way - never once leaving us. Never forsaking us. Only simple pursuit after everything He created us to be.

We are simply left to choose...

To give our hearts? To give our lives? To give our all? To be completely present in all our vulnerability and transparency. There is no hiding, no masking... and often times it is painful... facing our sin and our weaknesses. 

But only HE can restore us. Mold us. Give us purpose unto Him.

...and so - even though I often fail - even though I often make mistakes - I always seem to find myself returning to Him. Facing my inequities. Hoping to find more joy...more fullness...that can only be given by Him.

Please continue to pursue after me. Please remain to be relentless. I need you... and I'm trying to give my all to you... 

Thoughts

Then Jesus said, 

Come to me all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens and I will give you rest. Take my  yoke upon you. Let me teach you because I am humble and gentle at heart and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear and my burden is light.

Matthew 11:28-30

Thought: There's power in these words... 

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Side note:

I want people to look at me and be able to see richness in my life. 

I really do. 

But I want others to see me as rich not because of money or material things, but because of Jesus in me. I never want money or my job to define me and I never want others to view me as "rich" because of my money or my job. It's completely unappealing and I hate it. But, I am rich... and its because of the life Jesus has blessed me with: my family and my friends and the experiences he's graciously provided to teach me and grow me. Those are the reasons why I'm rich... and the only reasons why I'm rich. Without them, regardless of the amount of money I make, I would be incredibly poor. So, can we please remember that life is not about consumerism, money, material items? It is about our relationship with God and with each other. It is about moving forward - learning and growing in love. In is about being rich in the spirit and in life and love. 

Money merely gets in the way.

Thank You for Vacations

I took work off on Friday and went to Oregon with one of my best friends ever ;) And I just have to say... thank you for vacations!

Sometimes you just NEED a vacation. Sometimes life gets so hectic and it begins to wear a person down a little and you need a vacation. Sometimes because life can dictate so many things...you forget to feel because you are so caught up in the moments of busyness - so, when you finally get a chance to relax a little, emotions come pouring out of you that you didn't realize were even there and didnt realize that they needed to be felt.

These are the reminders that we need to take more breaks to listen, to feel, to remember what we are living for in the first place. These are the reminders that we need to make sure that life does not engulf us and cause us to forget so many important things that we need.

So, again, thank you for vacations and the reminders that there is more to life than the constant routine. I hope I remember to take more vacations...even if they are just in my little mini vacations throughout the day...so I don't forget the bigger picture and what living is all about...

BEE - ing Terrified!

For the record, I am not all that scared of too many things in life. I hate spiders, but I deal with them. Sometimes darkness seems suffocating, but usually it just signifies sleep. Snakes don't bother me, rats are gross but not paralyzing. You see, I'm tough. I can take a lot and deal with a lot. 

But there is one thing that absolutely TERRIFIES me - causes me to respond irrationally, flip out, go crazy, experience high anxiety, become paralyzed and sweeps any clear thoughts in my head out the door. 

It just so happens that I am absolutely, thoroughly, completely, unquestionably TERRIFIED of...

BEES. 

So, please try and visualize this....

This morning seemed like any old morning - maybe a little more exciting since it is a Friday and the weekend is almost here - but mostly normal. I finished getting ready, gathered my stuff together, walked out of my room and headed for the stairs to go and make my lunch. Imagine my utter disbelief and surprise upon realizing that at the bottom of the stairs swarming around the light fixture were about 30 bees - all equipped with stingers, buzzing wings and the ugliest bodies ever!!! AHHH!!! The bigger problem was that I noticed them when I was located directly below the light fixture! Right above my head, literally about three feet away, was a visual display of death and anxiety and it hit me like a storm. So, what did I do? I booked it up the stairs as fast as I could!! I had to get away or else I would die of fright and paralyzation!! 

I made it up the stairs, gathered my lunch as quickly as I could and raced up to my roommates' room to inform them of the horrible scenario that had transpired. They tried to calm me down (I had woken them up and I'm sure they were a little annoyed) and told me to just run past them and that I would be OK.

So, that is what I tried to do. 

I tried to force myself back down the stairs, through the swarm of bees and out our front door. But I just couldn't do it. I was stuck. I would take one step, see a bee fly toward me, scream, and retreat. I'm sure my roommates heard all the commotion I was making because they came out to help me...because honestly, I just couldn't do it by myself. I seriously could not force my self to take the steps needed to reach freedom from the predicament that I found myself in. The fear was so great that I could feel it crawling through my blood. I was worried that I was going to have an anxiety attack as my fight or flight response continued to escalate. I was about to have a serious breakdown. 

Finally, my roommate Renee told me to put a sweatshirt around my head and told me to stare at the floor. She then continued to steer me down the stairs, under the swarming bees, finally pushing me out the front door to my safety!

Thank you Renee!!

So now, I am at work... in my office... thanking God that I did not die... while still wondering what the HELL am I going to do about this problem! I can't sleep at my house tonight!! What if our landlord can't fix the problem immediately (I called them this morning and still have not heard back from them)??!! So, call me homeless because I will not go back in there until I am completely reassured that every single big, ferocious, scary, stinging bee is out of my house.

At Last

This week has been one of the most whirlwind weeks ever. Due to the combination of craziness at work and evening commitments, I have been going going going ALL week! Hence the delay in another amazing blog post by yours truly :)

Fortunately for me (and you) the weekend is only a few hours away... yes! I am so ready for the weekend to begin NOW! I wish I didn't have to work today so i could begin my plans of hanging out with great people and relaxing after such a long week. But, I guess waiting only makes me stronger and maybe i'll appreciate the weekend even more because of it :) I'm trying to think optimistically here mind you :)

Anyway, despite the busy week... it has been a GREAT week and I'm definitely thankful for that.

However, the weekend is almost here at last. And I'm even more thankful for that!

Considerably Challenged

Have you ever been challenged by someone you trust to try something so difficult that you are torn between your competitive nature to take it on and your fear of ultimate failure?

Well, last night I was talking to one of my roommates about... our budgets. This conversation developed into a discussion about how we spend our money and where our true values lay. Well, I'll be honest... yes I have a budget, but I don't even know if I met my budget last month because...well, to be honest I don't monitor it (i know, i know...i'm sorry!). So, I guess you could say that I regularly just live life and trust that hopefully I'm saving some money along the way. The problem with this tactic, or course, it that their is no level of accountability in my money spending patterns. I'd like to think of myself as a conservative spender and a good saver... and I think my bank account does prove this to be true... but the fact remains that I really love clothing and often feel as if I need one more item to enhance my current wardrobe, thus sometimes spending unnecessary amounts of dollars.

But do I really need any more clothes?

That is the question my roommate posed to me last night. Do I really need any more shirts, scarfs, pants, coats, shoes? The answer is undoubtedly no, I do not NEED anymore clothing...but honestly...sometimes I just WANT more clothing. 

So, my roommate, knowing my unrestrained competitive nature, challenged me to go on a spending freeze for the month of October. 

Gasp! A spending freeze for a whole month? Is she serious? But what about that amazing new pair of jeans that I've been thinking about for the past week and a half? How can I go without them?

And that is exactly it. If my first response is to say "no way... I still want the luxury to buy whatever I want because I can" then that clearly speaks volumes about how this spending freeze is such a necessary lesson in the ways of spending money and being a good steward. 

But here's the thing. I'm not sure that I have it in me to be successful. I'm afraid that I'm going to fail and I'm not sure if I have what it takes to say no to those jeans that I "need" so desperately. And the harder part of the matter is that my roommate is taking it upon herself to... KEEP ME ACCOUNTABLE! Ahh! That means no hiding new purchases, no "forgetting" to tell her if/when I do go over the edge and make the purchases I'm trying to avoid and no justifications for anything.

So, I've been considerably challenged by someone I trust and the least I can do is try, right? So, starting today you won't be seeing me near any stores or trying on any new jeans or shirts. 

The spending freeze is on... we'll see if I make it or not...

A Friendtastic Thanks

Maybe this is weird... or kind of different, cheesy, whatever... but i just have to say thank you to all my friends.

There have been so many times in my life where my friends have been there for me, or made me laugh when i felt like crying, or supported big decisions that i didn't know how to make. 

So, thank you. Thank you to those who have always been there for me. Thank you to those who love me even when i am cranky or selfish. Thank you for putting up with my crazy polar bear talk, my outlandish color theories, my addictions to goldfish (yes, the cracker) and diet coke. Thank you for bearing with me when i make big mistakes... (you know what they are)... and thank you for loving me when i feel unlovable.

You guys mean SO much to me and I hope you know that. You've truly made me different, seen me grow and continue to challenge me in the areas that I still need to work on. Thanks for not giving up on me. Thanks for believing in me.

I hope you know how much i believe in you and how much i love each of you. 

THANK YOU!!!