Christmas Recap

This was one of the best christmas' I've ever had. So good! I think you'd feel the same way if...

• Despite the fact that you had to work on Christmas eve, your boss let you out at noon instead of four. Great way to start the festivities!
• You are SO proud of your 10 year old nephew for almost being able to beat you in ping pong... because let's be honest here... you're pretty darn good. So that means he's got to be pretty darn good himself. He's just got to work on his serves and his forehand.
• When laying by the fire, your four year old nephew grabs a pillow and starts cuddling with you - then, he looks up at you with the cutest puppy dog eyes ever and says.... "Auntie Dawn, I love you." Sigh. Doesn't that just make your heart melt?
• Before opening presents, your brother turns on the Sponge Bob Square Pants Christmas special, and yes, the entire family sings along to the song and then watches as Squidward's heart grows three times strong!
• Then after your other brother finishes making the BEST margaritas for everyone (sans nephews) you open presents with your family and watch as everyone's dreams come true... because, well, who wouldn't want Sorry Sliders?
• And when the little ones are taken home to await Santa's gifts in the morning, the rest of us have another margarita over a good ole' game of catch phrase... and Dad even plays!

It doesn't get any better than that friends.

Especially when the only negative experience is when you go for a run on Christmas afternoon after eating a ton of food in the last two days and you feel like you're going to throw everything up for the entire three miles, but you keep going because you're too stubborn to stop.

Ahhh, well, if that's the only bad Christmas happening... well, I'll take it!

Contently discontent

Contentment: happiness with one's situation in life.

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I am a type seven. Yep. According to the enneagram test of personality, that's me. Which is ironically perfect since seven is my favorite number...

But let's see... what do you think? Am I extroverted? Optimistic (overly perhaps)? Versatile, spontaneous, playful, high-spirited, and yet practical too? Yep. I think so. Constantly seeking new and exciting experiences and having problems with impatience and impulsiveness... this describes me. And, guess what the basic desire of a type seven is? To be satisfied and content.

So true. Oh, so true.

The problem is that a type seven "does not feel that they can find what they really want in life." Quite the problem if you ask me... The thorn in my flesh, if you will. I often feel discontent; wanting more and feeling unsatisfied with where I'm at in life. But, I am learning that right now in my life, it is okay to feel this way. I don't have to have it all right now. And therefore, I am resting in the fact that I can be content with being discontent.

And, you know what? There's power and freedom in the realization that contentment can co-exist with my discontent. And it's amazing how being okay with that reality pushes my dissatisfaction with life into the background and removes its power to control and restrict... leaving the space to live in the present with joy and meaning. (Hmm... something to think about a little more)

Oftentimes, it seems like Christians are given a list of do's and don'ts... feelings that are okay to have, and one's that are not. Discontentment - or being unsatisfied with life - is always found under the "bad" list. But, I don't think it has to be. I'm not entirely sure that Jesus meant for us to always be 100% happy or satisfied. And I don't think He was. Perhaps we need to struggle with life and opposing dichotomies in order to stretch our feeble minds outside of our way of thinking into Jesus' way of thinking. And if that's the case, then I will remain contently discontent. Because I know that there is more to this life... but I also know that Jesus has perfect timing... and that I do not.

Waiting for God's best. It's not a type seven thing to do... but I'm going to try to do it anyway...

The 85%

If you go to an airport, get on a plane, reach 15,000 feet or so for a few too many hours, guess what? Your feet may swell.

Or, you get pregnant [don't freak out, i'm not pregnant]. Your last tri-mester is almost up and you're pretty dang excited about this new little one that's about to pop out. Then, maybe you look down and what do you see? Over-sized ankles and swollen feet.

This is reality people... sometimes feet swell up like a balloon.

But here's another reality... feet shrink too.

Did you know that? I never did until today. Grabbing the heels I wear to work about 85% of the time, I jammed them on my feet as I ran out the door to catch the bus [running a bit late... hoping i don't miss the bus... I didn't].

And then it happened... my heals slipped out of my heels and I almost projected myself across the concrete. What?! These are my go-to shoes, my never know what to wear so grab the pumps that can do no wrong, heels... but today they were too big.

Weird.

It's been a while.

Maybe I just needed a break for a while... or maybe I just let things get to me. Regardless, I'm back to the blog... at least for this wimpy post.

I'm not really sure what to say either. I could tell you about my trip to Hawaii... but as amazing as it was, there's not too much to say. It was a wonderful week of sunshine, the beach, snorkeling, deep sea fishing, and much needed relaxation.

I could tell you about how I went running a couple weeks ago in the dark. I ended up tripping and sprawling across the concrete... bashed my knees up pretty good. Let me tell you, its pretty gross when you take your leggings off and bloody skin sticks to youe leggings. Eww. But my knees are on the mend... and I think I'm going to start running with a headlamp... which I know will look stupid, but maybe it'll protect my knees from further disaster.

I could also tell you about how we finally got a new garbage can lid. Someone stole ours about 2 months ago. Kelly happened to step in dog pooh while cleaning up the garbage around our house (due to the raccoons and crows) and so, we decided to get a new lid. Since then, I am happy to report that Kelly hasn't stepped in anymore dog crap. Gross.

Renee, Kelly and I came home late one night to Stacy standing on the sidewalk outside our house. When we asked her what she was doing, she told us our resident raccoon was blocking the path to our front door. And so, she stood there... and waited for us... to come home... fortunately, no one has had a run in with the angry raccoon since. Let's hope it stays that way. Raccoons are vicious.

Yep, after a full month, that's really all there is to say.

Keep on, keeping on... that's what I'm doing.

What the VP of Coca-Cola Taught Me

Yesterday I went to an event at my church where Bonnie Wurzbacher, Vice President of Coca-Cola, came and spoke on "Finding Meaning in Your Work." It was truly inspirational and has changed many of my ideas about business.

For one, as a Christian, business seems so self-righteous... the goal is to make money. It just seems so greedy. In fact, that is one of the main reasons why I pushed against the idea of going into business. But, as always, God had different plans for my life, and here I find myself smack dab in the midst of marketing, advertising and selling... essentially motivating people to choose our service over the competition. But I love it. And in the past, my heart has struggled with the question... does providing Digital TV, broadband Internet and Digital Phone over an advanced fiber optic infrastructure really have meaning? Or is this just something that I do?

But, listen to what Bonnie has to say about business...

The role of business in God's kingdom is to advance the economic well-being of communities around the world, and as the only source of wealth creation, to enable every social, civic and spiritual institution to exist.

- Bonnie Wurzbacher

Wow! Essentially, without business, every other institution in this world would cease to exist... because they all rely on business for their wealth creation. Therefore, without business, say goodbye to churches. Say goodbye to non-profits, government, travel, sports, even aspects of your social life. Isn't that incredible?! I have never thought of business in that sense. But, it's true.

In fact, Bonnie spoke about how business is a calling in one's life. It requires the ability to do the job ("can do") the enjoyment of doing the job ("want to") and the discernment that this is where God wants you ("led to"). I've never really thought of business as a calling. I mean, I've heard of people getting called to... say, Africa. Or Vietnam. But business? Well, why not?

As discussed above, without business, every institution would pretty much cease to exist. Therefore, why wouldn't God place a calling on individuals to go into business and not only be an ethical part of the solution, but also be people capable of continuing to create wealth so that every other institution will continue to flourish and prosper as well? Genesis 1:27-28 - sometimes called the cultural mandate - calls us to be fruitful, fill the earth and subdue it... or essentially, create cultures and build civilizations. And that's ultimately what business advocates and creates room for. Business functions to build and support cultures and civilizations so that they continue to grow and flourish. Now that's what I call meaningful!

In addition, I learned that it is important to view our jobs with a macro (not micro) perspective.

For example, I create advertising materials for my company. I could sit down one morning and be discouraged that I'm simply creating another direct mail piece... again... that may only irritate and possibly discourage a potential customer from choosing our service. I mean, it's only the Internet. Right?

OR

I can sit down every day and remember that by promoting our services, I am essentially helping people all over the nation remain connected with each other and information around the world that will help them grow in meaningful relationships with one another. Relationships are important. In fact, I would argue that they are the most important thing in this world and what we were primarily created for: to have relationship with our God and each other. Therefore, my job allows me to positively impact and provide a platform in which people can connect all around the world through television (where people collect information and learn about cultures around the world), Digital Phone (allowing people to connect with one another and build relationships through continued communication) and the Internet (where people can remain connected with each other in real time through email, social networks and the like as well as the ability to find useful information to help them grow and reach their goals).

Those two perspectives are completely different. There's a big "who cares?" in the first, but much meaning and purpose in the other.

Do you lend micro or macro thinking to your job? Do you see business as a calling? I, for one, am beginning to.

Thank you, Bonnie Wurzbacher, for you words of wisdom yesterday.

My Heart

If we are to be disciples of Jesus, we must be made disciples supernaturally. And as long as we consciously maintain the determined purpose to be His disciples, we can be sure that we are not disciples. Jesus says, "You did not choose Me, but I chose you..." (John 15:16). That is the way the grace of God begins. It is a constraint we can never escape; we can disobey it, but we can never start it or produce it ourselves. We are drawn to God by a work of His supernatural grace, and we can never trace it back to find where the work began. Our Lord's making of a disciple is supernatural. He does not build on any natural capacity of our at all. God does not ask us to do the things that are naturally easy for us - He only asks us to do the things that we are perfectly fit to do through His grace, and that is where the cross we must bear will always come.

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest

------

I've never felt sorrow and joy so completely intertwined before. But I have for the last month or so... every day...

Its almost as if my heart feels the strain of this world... the cry of misplaced hope... the need for love and the feeling of failure. But then, the dichotomy of Hope leans right up against it too. The Hope of knowing and trusting in Jesus. The understanding that what is lost can be found... and is found. And although my feeble attempts often land me in the midst of "failure" (whatever that means), the Hope and Joy in my heart begins to fix me little by little. And I wish others would know this Truth too...

Oswald Chamber wrote, "He only asks us to do the things that we are perfectly fit to do through His grace, and that is where the cross we must bear will always come." Oh how my heart feels heavy when I read that! For the sorrow and pain in my soul reminds me that my life is messy... and this world has left fingerprints on my heart... but I somehow trust (I am left needing to trust) that the Joy and Hope that lives within me will outlast and transform the grime. It is what makes me whole. It calls me. Pushes me. Asks me to be something I don't think I can be. And I can't on my own. In my weakness he lifts my heavy heart to His and whispers ever so severely - and sweetly - that His strength can be sufficient. Rest in me. Rest under my wings and be loved by your Father who loves you. And oh, He does. He loves so utterly and completely that it almost hurts my heart... because it is so profound and real and... there.

Perhaps that is why my heart seems so heavy and joyful right now. Because His love is in the midst of my weakness... and perhaps, for right now at least, it is sustaining me. And all I can do is lean into it. Because me heart is so weak. It's always been weak. For I am simply a human trying to make some sense in this world. But He is filling my heart with Joy... And I am trying.

The Maker

I haven't really known what to write about lately... so I haven't written anything.

I guess I'll just leave you with this... Dave Matthews' "The Maker"

Remember, you're not a stranger in the hands of the Maker.

Could I? Why not? Maybe I will.

This summer has been an amazing adventure for me. Aside from all the training hikes I've embarked on, I've climbed Mount Saint Helen's, Mount Baker and hiked up to the base camp on Mount Rainier (Camp Muir). It's been a pretty amazing experience for me... and I've found that I love climbing mountains. I love being outside, stretching myself beyond what I think I can do, and reach a goal that not many people get a chance to do. The views are spectacular and the feeling of accomplishment cannot be replicated... not to mention that crampons are by far the most amazing thing in the world! 

That's why it was so cool to hear a co-worker - who is a legitimate mountain climber himself - tell me that if I wanted, I could seriously become a great mountain climber. Wow. Maybe it doesn't sound like a big deal to you... but it is. You see, when I'm on a mountain, I feel like a little girl who doesn't belong. I'm not tall with the long legs to carry me far. I don't have super big muscles to haul myself and a huge pack up there. I just simply want to be there and so I pretty much just tell myself to go. And so I do. Therefore, to hear someone have faith in the idea that I could be a mountain climber is not only humbling... but inspiring. 

And so, I think to myself, why not? And so, maybe I will. Maybe someday I'll be climbing all over the world. Maybe even guiding... who knows. Because let's be honest, this summer has been quite the adventure. And I don't want these views to end:

MOUNT SAINT HELEN'S - 8,363 ft elevation

MOUNT BAKER - 10,778 ft elevation

CAMP MUIR - 10, 112 ft elevation

And what's next you ask? Well, I'm already planning on climbing Mt. Adams and possibly Mt. Shasta next summer, along with St. Helen's and Muir again. We shall see where I go from here. It's pretty exciting!

Hosea 2

I have a new favorite chapter of the Bible. Hosea 2. I know its an obscure favorite, but seriously. It is remarkable. A perfect illustration of our sinfulness, God's jealousy for our hearts and His redemptive power to rebuild what we break. Truly remarkable. Hope filled. Humbling too. I urge you to read it.

Some favorite parts?

Verses 14-15: Therefore, I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her. There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Valley of Achor [trouble] a door of hope. There she will sing as in the days of her youth, as in the day she came out of Egypt.

Verses 19-20: I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the Lord.

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This chapter simply strikes a chord within me unlike any other. You see, the world has allured her. And she has prostituted herself to everyone and everything. And He is a jealous God who wants her heart - the heart He created for His glory.

And so she is stripped naked. Her path blocked. Unable to catch desire. She is exposed. Her celebrations put to an end.

And that is when He allures her... gently leads her to the desert.

There she confronts Hurt. The barren, rolling hills emanate emptiness and despair. Why here? There are no distractions. Nothing to run to. No way to hide. Her heart is laid bare and her mind peeled open to Truth and Understanding.

It is here that He speaks. Every so tenderly. Piercing her heart with Truth.

"You've come. I've been waiting."

And then emotion comes. A cry for help within her withered and broken soul pleads for deliverance from the heavy chains. No more hiding. No more running. The dam breaks free and washes everything away.

And then the rebuilding begins. Troubled lies are brought forth and the door of hope gives way to freedom.

And then she feels it happening. Her rusting heartstrings are replaced and re-laced with ones of fine gold. And she can't hold back. A song of joy and redemption is released from within her soul and she is free!

The names of the past fade from her lips. A new covenant is made. A betrothal for eternity... in righteousness, justice, love and compassion.

Adultery gives way to faithfulness as LOVE is acknowledged. And LOVE responds. A booming voice over all creation.

"I planted you here for myself. I will show you my love for you are mine and I will fight for you."

And out of the desert she comes. And she responds, "Yes, I am yours and You are my God."

-----

Incredible! He is so jealous for her heart and purposefully stripes her of everything... and instead of condemning and judging... he leads her to the desert and speaks tenderly to her!

Do you get it? God is jealous for our hearts. He wants us for His own. In our days of trouble, He will lead us to the desert where we may feel lost, confused, tormented by who we have become and the choices we've made in the past. But it is from the desert that He provides a door of hope and redemption. It is from the desert that He speaks tenderly to us; where He waits for our hearts to respond.

Will we open our hearts to Him? Will we respond to His grace and love? Or will we remain in the desert? Will we become comfortable and take up residence there? Will we ignore the slavery that constricts our hearts? Perhaps our slavery is indistinguishable... perhaps it has become the norm in our lives. Perhaps we question whether we are slaves at all. But if we become comfortable in the desert we will only keep ourselves from being rebuilt and molded into who we were originally created to be. We will instead be lost forever. Never finding our way. Chasing after things we will never catch.

And so the question remains... will we listen to His tender voice? Will we be released from the bondage that so easily consumes? Or will we remain lost forever?

From In front of the village of Hees

I received an email this morning from my dad. He attached a document titled "Notes on the Life and Descent of Charles Smith Van Voorhis"... I now know where I came from...

"According to the Honorable Tenis G. Bergan, early historian of our early Dutch settlers, Coerts Alberts of voor Hees resided prior to the year 1600, in front of the village of Hees, situated about one half mile South of the Town of Runen, in the provence of Drenthe, Holland.

As the letters used as a suffix to proper name in the Holland language means "son of" we may with reasonable safety infer that Coart Alberts was the son of Albert of voor Hees.

Alberts first child, Stephen van Voorhees, eldest of seven children, was born about 1600.

The Van Voorhis generations, thirteen in number, average thirty-two years. Is it not reasonably safe to say, in view of all facts, that the Van Voorhis ancestral line extends at least to the year 1535?

The Holland word voor means in English "before or in front of"; van means "from." The meaning of Van Voor Hees therefore is; from in front of the village of Hees.

Steven Coerts of Voorhees, married Willemple Roeloffe, [sidenote - that is an amazing name! i just might have to name my first daughter Willemple...] who was born in the year 1619. He emigrated from Holland in April 1660 in the ship Bentokoe (Spotted Cow), Captain Pieter Lucassen in command with his wife and all his children except the oldest daughter, Merghir. He purchased on November 29, 1660, a farm in Amerafoort, now Flatlands, Long Island, NY, from Cornnelis Horgland, on which he settled and where he died February 16, 1684, his will having been dated August 25, 1677.

The family became numerous and widely scattered ----- There have been a number of modifications of the family name. There being at least a dozen different forms, some with, others without the Van.

Note the spelling in the following ancestral table.

Albert                                                          Born (?) 1535

Coerts Alberts of voor Hees                                   1567

Steven Coerts of Voorhees                              1600 Emigrant

Coerts Stevenese van Voorhees                            1637

Cornelis Coerts Van Voorhees                        Jan. 23, 1678

Daniel Van Voorhees                                        Dec. 17, 1701

Daniel Van Voorhis (Captain)                            Jul. 6, 1738

Samiel Newton Van Voorhis                             Jul. 10, 1774

Charles Edward Van Voorhis                            Oct. 8, 1809

Charles Smith Van Voorhis                               Apr. 2, 1839

Frank Lemert Van Voorhis                                Apr. 7, 1873

Reginald Frank Van Voorhis                            Nov. 4, 1902

Clemons Joseph Van Voorhis                             Jul. 3, 1927

Glenn Edward & Paul Earl VanVoorhis

Scott Alan & Brett Adam Van Voorhis   Apr. 15, 1982 & Oct. 31, 1983

Asher Van Voorhis                                           July 25, 2005

* Reginald Frank, Clemons Joseph, Glenn Edward & Paul Earl added by Grace Clemons, Alta, Iowa. May 5, 1961

* Scott Alan, Brett Adam & Asher added by Dawn Van Voorhis, Seattle, Washington. September 22, 2009."

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Family history. Its a pretty cool thing.

Oh, and if you look at the names in the table... my grandpa is Clemons, my dad is Paul, my brothers are Scott and Brett and my nephew is Asher. 

The Van Voorhis name lives on.

Officially Settled

Moving is always an adjustment of sorts. Unknown house noises, remembering where light switches are, figuring out where to put belongings... etc... you get it.

But, I can officially say today that I have finally settled into our new place. 

Even though there are STILL unknown house noises to get used to, 

Even though I STILL forget where light switches are 

and even though my belongings are STILL everywhere... 

Everything changed when...

... this morning I slept through my alarm... and woke up late... therefore... I am officially settled in to my new place... I'm comfortable enough that sleeping through my alarm has apparently returned to my life. Oh man. At least I wasn't late to work this time.

Oh, my life...

Oh man. What a crazy week its been... Baker done, moving done... now to catch up on everything else... updates and all...

----

Baker was amazing... the hardest thing I've ever done. Simply beautiful and life changing: Repelling into never ending crevasses, walking over snow bridges that make you wonder if they'll hold, climbing on the steepest slopes that make you worry about slipping and falling down the mountain. All in all, amazing. There are no words to describe how I really feel. No way to convey the true meaning of the experience... I'm simply left standing in awe of so many things... still processing and wondering... And of course already getting ready and excited for more mountains next summer. St. Helens and Baker have been a beginning to something big and meaningful in my life. Its still undefinable, but its in the process of manifesting itself. Its a pretty cool thing.

I moved this weekend too. Still living in Greenlake... just now in a house instead of the townhouse. The adjustment has begun. Chaotic, dishevelment describes the scene in our house as belongings are unorganized and thrown randomly throughout the house. In time everything will be in order. I like my room. It's green, inviting, relaxing, pretty... :) Makes me happy. Spiders are going to be an issue... i'm a wuss when it comes to spiders... but maybe it'll help me become even more tough... or something... i'll keep you posted. So far the count is up to 6 killed... and we've only been living there for three days. Oh man.

This weekend was fun. I am happy. Things are well.

Oh life, how I love thee.

I'm not even a mountaineer... what am I doing?

As one of my friends put it yesterday, "What? St. Helen's wasn't enough for you?"

Well, I guess not because this weekend I will be standing on the summit of Mt. Baker at 10,781 ft (the 4th highest summit in Washington)... that is... if I make it.

Yep, friends its true. I'm climbing Mt. Baker this weekend. And its going to be pretty interesting. Baker is in a league of its own... the climb requires crampons, ice axes, roping in with harnesses,and crossing crevasses on the Easton Glacier of Mt. Baker. 

By definition, this will be the hardest thing I will ever do in my life [that is, until I climb Rainier... but that won't be this year]. But that's the beauty of it. 

A while back, a friend asked me why I like hiking/climbing so much. And here's the reason: because it is a challenge. You have to work hard and stretch yourself beyond what you think you can handle in order to earn the reward of seeing and experiencing an unknown beauty that most will never get to see. It's special because its rare. And it means more, because it takes work. But the reward is always worth it. You're never left disappointed. And you learn the lesson that perseverance and effort give way to great joy and peace... the type that can only be experienced through trial and redemption.

And so I find myself yet again at the base of a challenge, ready to persevere to the top, to once again see beauty defined.

And when I feel like quitting, when snow bridges and crevasses scare the heck out of me, I will keep taking one more step toward the goal. If weather doesn't turn us around, I will make it to the top. 

Joyfully.

Intentionally pursued.

With arms wide open

And heartfelt gratitude.

This is for Him.

Perceiving Reality: It's harder than you think.

Yesterday, I was waiting for the bus to go home when I saw three street cops stroll on by. They looked tough, as most Seattle cops do: Bully club on one hip, gun on the other. They sauntered past in an air of superiority [which annoyed me] with one had on their guns and their two eyes scouting the people around them. 

At that time, a homeless man from across the street jaywalked right in front of the cops. The three cops immediately stopped the man and began to ask interrogating questions and yell at him. It made me SO mad because if I were to jaywalk in front of them, I highly doubt that the cops would have yelled at me like they did that homeless man. I felt as if the cops were taking advantage of the fact that this man was homeless. Instead of treating him like the true human being that he is, they treated him like dirt... and it made me really angry.

[Since working in Seattle, I've seen a lot of people treat the homeless like crap. And that is just not ok. It's not right. Regardless of their circumstance, they are still real people. So, we should treat them how we want to be treated.]

But then reality threw a curve ball...

About ten minutes later, my bus rolled up and I got on... and the same homeless man that jaywalked, followed me on the bus and sat down across the aisle from me.

It wouldn't have been a problem at all except that he began talking to me... about money. 

[Now, I do have this one rule... I don't give out money to anyone on the streets because I'll never know what they actually use it for. Food is different... but I won't give out money.]

My perception of this man completely changed the minute he started talking and asking for bus money. I noticed that his eyes were completely blood shot, like he'd just gotten off a drinking binge. He also clearly lacked cognitive thinking and was unable to link two complete sentences together. He stumbled through his explanations and could barely form the words with his mouth. But the more alarming issue was that he couldn't seem to control his anger. And that scared me a little.

You see, I told him I didn't have any cash to give him. 

He instantly got angry and began cussing up a storm and called me a liar and other names that don't have enough value to repeat. I tired to tell him I only had a credit card and that it wouldn't help him. That made him even more angry. 

The unfortunate part was that I did in fact have cash with me. But I had an intuitive feeling that the man may have followed me on the bus and would follow me home if I gave him money. If I didn't give him money, he'd have to get off in the Ride Free zone, which is many freeway miles away from my home. I wanted him to get off. I wanted him to stop talking to me. Because of his inconsistent outbursts of anger, I was scared that he'd do something rash. And the worst part about it was that we were sitting in the back of the bus with no one else around. I had one stop to go until I knew others would get on the bus and could step in if something bad happened.

Fortunately, he seemed to realize that I wasn't going to give him money and he became calm again. He even apologized, said he hoped that he hadn't upset me and told me to have a good evening. But then he'd ask for money again. I'd say no. And he'd get angry again. This cycle happened several times.

Finally, we got to the next bus stop and more people got on (including one man I always see and who also gets off at my stop near my house... his familiar presence definitely put me at ease. I knew that it'd be OK now that he was there). I was able to tell the homeless man that I was sorry about the money, wished him an enjoyable evening as well, and then turned my iPod on as an attempt to drown out his continued random smattering of words.

Two stops later, he got off the bus.

-----

One man. Two experiences. Two completely opposing perceptions.  

Reality is hard to figure out. 

Perhaps the cops where simply trying to get the concept through the man's head that its not ok to jaywalk. Perhaps they weren't treating him unjustly. Then again, perhaps I'm just a naive girl who got scared for no reason at all.

And that's the thing... I'll never really know the truth about this man, where he was going or where he's been. 

I'm simply left asking what am I supposed to do with these two stories? How am I supposed to make sense out of them in my mind and heart?

I don't know.

Bossy E

Have you ever heard of the Bossy E?

The name kind of evokes a little bit of apprehension, doesn't it? The Bossy E... I mean, it could stand for anything. For example, consider the Bossy Evil-doer. I'd really rather not meet that person face to face. Or perhaps, the Bossy Evangelical... equally terrifying if you ask me. The possibilities are simply endless... 

The Bossy 

Event Planner, 

Earwig, 

Earthquake, 

Easter Bunny, 

Embryo, 

Economist, 

Elephant, 

Emperor [penguin?], 

Enchanter...

The list goes on and on... but I'll stop.

In reality, the Bossy "E" is the letter than tells the "A" what to do. Get it?

You see, I never know how to spell scared/scarred. Which one is it? I could say that I'm either frightened or that my wound left it's trademark on my knee... but its just easier to either write scared or scarred.

I was discussing this with my teacher friend Carrie... and she taught me about the Bossy E. The Bossy E tells the A to say itself... you know, like "hey" except really its "A"...

Therefore, I now know that my left knee is scarred from a past turf burn and that dark, creepy places make me scared.

But, you know what... now that I'm writing this, I don't get it. Because it actually is all about the Rs... not the As. Somehow though, I now know that scarred has two Rs and that scared only has one R.

Well, I guess that still makes Carrie a good teacher because I at least remember which is which... I just don't remember why. Dangit! Oh well, we'll blame it on my bad memory because let's be honest here... I have a terrible memory... seriously terrible people. Sometimes I feel like I have early onset of Alzheimer's.

Alas, I won't let it scare me... I mean frighten... lest I confuse you again.

Living la vida loca

• 90% of the time I wake up late in the morning... which means that almost always I am finishing my make up at the bus stop... and every so often one of my "bus friends" are there and watch me... and then i feel a little foolish... this happened this morning. The girl just laughed at me. I just smiled and laughed back. I woke up so late that I only had 10 minutes this morning to get ready - and honestly - doing my make up before the bus stop just isn't important enough to be late to work. Now I can still leave today at 4... therefore, monday is already a success.
• One of my favorite things about weddings - aside from the actual two becoming one thing - is the... dancing. Its my most favorite thing of all time. No joke. Simply put, I was born to - yes - dance. Chelsea and Travis got married on Saturday and it was a beautifully, perfect wedding! And in celebration of their unity, I didn't leave the dance floor one time... it was a perfect night... and my heart was happy.
• My mom turned 50 on Sunday. She has a bucket list - yes like the movie - and crossed one of her items off this weekend... riding in a hot air balloon. Because of that, her birthday was one of happiness instead of sadness about turning older. She has a lot more of life to experience and that's an exciting thing. Good job Mom on your life perspective! I'm proud of you! And I love you. And let's be honest... 50 really isn't that old anyway.
• I'm moving later this month. And for the first time I have the opportunity to paint my room... and so I am... Shagreen people. Shagreen. It just makes sense.
• I climbed Mt. St. Helen's on July 26th. I think I'm going to climb Mt. Baker on August 22-23rd. And I'm scarred. (or is it scared? I always forget...) It's going to be hard... like the hardest thing I've done in my life. Maybe that means I have to do it. We'll see what happens or if I'm too chicken to say yes.
• I saw a friend I haven't seen in forever yesterday. It was good. 
• One word about tonight... SOCCER! We will win. Like we always do. And again, my heart is happy.
• I found out yesterday that two of my GUY friends sat down a year ago and made predictions about what would happen in a bunch of our friends lives... including mine. Apparently they've predicted who I am (or maybe am not) going to marry... But they won't tell me who... they say they don't want to jinx it. And for some reason, I have a feeling that whatever they predicted will come true. Because one of their predictions have already come true with another friend. But now I'm left with my curiosity. But whatever. Lets be honest... I'm probably going to get married when I'm like 30. And it'll probably be to someone who's like 40... what can I say? until then... I'm just living life. And it is good. And I am loving it. 

Author Unknown

"Some people do not have to search, for they find their niche early in life and rest there seemingly contented and resigned. At times, I envy them but usually I do not understand them... And seldom do they understand me. I am one of those searchers. There are, I believe, millions of us. We are not unhappy, but neither are we completely content. We continue to explore ourselves, hoping to understand. We like to walk along the beach; we are drawn to the ocean, taken by its power and unceasing motion; its mystery and unspeakable beauty. We like forests, mountains, deserts, hidden rivers, and lovely cities as well. Our sadness is as much a part of our lives as our laughter. We are ambitious for life itself and for anything beautiful it can provide. Most of all, we want to love and be loved; to live in a relationship that will not impede our wanderings and prevent our search. We do not want to prove ourselves to others or compete for love. This passage is for wanderers, dreamers, and lovers who dare to ask of life everything which is good and beautiful."

Mt. St. Helens - July 26th, 2009

Because He Responds

They say, "be careful what you ask for because you might actually get it."

Well, that's how I feel sometimes when it comes to prayer and God... because He responds.

Some of you know that this summer marked the end of a 6 year journey of serving Westminster's youth ministry. Wow. That number 6 still seems remarkable to me... a lot happened in those 6 years that I will always treasure. 

Now that I've taken a break from "ministry," I often get the question... "where are you going to serve now? What's your next step?"

Well, one thing about ministry is that when you're in it, you kind of feel like you can check off the "service" box as complete. Like, yeah, of course I'm serving others all the time because... gosh, I'm a part of a ministry! I serve these kids and therefore, my job is done. And while yes, that is undoubtedly true... I was serving those kids with all my heart and I do not want to diminish or devalue that truth... I think a part of me forgot what it really means to serve everyone else. That's a much harder "box" to check off.

So, that's my answer. This next year is about service and re-learning what serving others really means. And I can tell you already... even though its only been about a month... this is going to be a difficult year of learning. It's hard to admit, but the truth is that I jumped into this year of "service-discovery" without first realizing what I was signing up for. And to be honest, I think it had to be that way, otherwise I'm not sure I would have chosen it. 

You see, God responds when we commit to something, when we decide to do something and when we ask for help. And that's when He begins to put things in our lives that requires us to step outside of ourselves and actually learn what we've asked to learn. 

And that's why this is hard. Because service requires selflessness... and if you know me... then you know that's something I struggle with. Selflessness.

But I do want to learn. And so I'm going to try. Its proving to be difficult. 

But God responded. So, now its my turn.

 

Hypocrisy: Still learning but here are some thoughts

I'm nervous to post anything on this topic... and to be honest, I don't really want to, but something makes me think I need to. So, here it is. I'm sure not everything I write will be truth as I am still learning, but I extend my trust to you and ask for your open heart and mind to these random smatterings of thoughts on hypocrisy.

Here we go...

-----

One of the biggest objections that many people (non-believers and believers alike) have against Christians is that our lives are saturated with hypocrisy. We say one thing, but do another. We proclaim that sin is wrong, and then turn around and sin against someone we love. We put ourselves on a pedestal because we are "saved," while condemning everyone else for being full of "sin." Then, we turn around and are selfish, prideful, drunkards, gossipers, full of hate, searching out instant gratification, and finding fulfillment in selfish ambition and vain conceit.

We cannot deny that this is happening... because it is happening. It's a dark and painful truth. But its real. Therefore, it must be brought forth into the light. It must be discussed. If left under the rug, it will only brew more hate and confusion in the hearts of men. That is why I write on this topic. May this be the platform that prompts discussion so that we may be challenged to learn something new together.

Ok, so here's the thing. All of us sin and will continually fall short of the mark. Regardless of whether we do or do not believe in Jesus, we undoubtedly do wrong. Every day. Multiple times. Maybe even the same thing multiple times every day. There's just no getting around it. We will all repeatedly sin whether we purposefully seek it out (because sometimes we do), or even when we desperately try not to (because sometimes we will just give in). We are stuck in the struggle to do what our flesh desires and what our spirit was created for. Therefore, "Christians" will, by unfortunate default, live hypocritical lives until we are reunited with Jesus in Heaven.

So, yes. Christians are indeed hypercritical. I am in fact a hypocrite. Despite the truth that the desire and longing to live a right life runs deep deep deep within my heart... I often sin. I do what I proclaim to be wrong or harmful or self destructive or prideful... because sin will always be knocking at my door.. and sometimes I don't have the strength or ability or desire to deny it and leave it on the door step. Instead, I'll answer and take part.

And if I'm expected or asked not to be a hypocrite, then I am essentially being asked to be perfect. And there is only one person who has ever lived a perfect life on this earth... and that is Jesus.

I am not Jesus. And therefore, I will never be able to live a blameless, sin-free life. This is a humbling truth because it means that I will fail in my journey to obey Jesus because I love him and want to do what is right. But I will fail. Every day even.

Perhaps people have a misunderstanding of what Jesus asks for. Perhaps some believe He calls us to perfection, and, because they know in their hearts (like I know in mine) that perfection cannot be reached, they instead ask and place blame... "You say you know Jesus, so why don't you act like it? Why can't you stop being hypocritical?"

This condemnation is rightly placed to an extent. We are called to live like Jesus, but Jesus does not call us to be perfect. I remember the light bulb that went on in my head when I finally realized this in my own life. But He just does not call us to be perfect. He simply asks for our love and for our honest attempt at living a real life that may reveal His glory and glorify Him. A refreshing truth, isn't it? 

Hypocrisy becomes the type of hypocrisy that many people (and may I include myself too?) despise when it acts as a justification for sin and the provision of a sense of freedom to do whatever we want. But the knowledge that we are all in fact sinful does not give way to a path of acceptable selfishness and wrongdoing.

The knowledge that we are sinful gives way to an understanding of our need and dependence on the only one who has ever lived a blameless life, and yet chose to take upon himself the sin of the world, and die as a pure sacrifice for our freedom.

We don't deserve it. I don't and you don't either.

Jesus' sacrifice is a demonstration of desperate love and grace. He wants us for His own... for all eternity. He chose us, now we each must make our own decision. Will we choose Him?

It sounds absurd! I know it does because even as I sit here writing it I'm asking, "Is that really all there is to it?" The profound simplicity of it all is what undoubtedly causes turmoil in our hearts and minds... because we are creatures of logic and reason. It just doesn't seem rational that we could receive a gift so great and so undeserved by not doing anything. It doesn't take good works.

All that is asked for is love. And obedience comes from love.

And therefore, out of complete love for Him, I jump into an attempt to live a right and blameless life as best as I can for Him. If we choose Him over ourselves and over this world, we may be set free from our sin and from the bondage that holds us back from being all the we were created to be.

And so, may I be so bold to say that I will rejoice over the fact that I am a hypocrite? Yes, I will fail again. But instead of using grace as a justification for my sin, I will let the knowledge and understanding of my failures bring me back to Jesus time and time again. They are the reminder in my life that I am nothing and that He is everything.

---

PS: I will write about my St. Helens climb soon! Stay tuned!

The time has come

It seems like only yesterday that I was sitting in my chair on a cold, rainy day in February. Fixated on my computer screen, I made the purchase...

10 permits.

$22 each.

Click submit. 

It is finalized. 

I am indeed going to climb Mt. St. Helen's on July 26th, 2009. 

Whoa.

-----

In that moment, climbing St Helen's seemed so far away... almost like a fleeting thought or undefinable dream in my mind. But now it is here. In fact, the epic event commences THIS Sunday! I can barely wrap my heart and mind around it. For some reason this means something so real to me. Its more than just climbing a mountain - especially since St. Helen's isn't any Mt. Rainier. But it is still a step in that direction. One day I will make it to the top of Rainier... and it all starts here. This is the beginning to something. I just know it. With meaning and purpose intertwined and running deep within... I will make it to the top. 

Despite the 95 degree weather we'll experience, despite the fact that I know its going to be difficult, it is something that will be experienced...

Joyfully. 

Intentionally pursued.

With arms wide open.

And heart-felt gratitude.

And so, this is for Him. 

From the crater edge on top of St. Helen's, I will behold this view of His perfect creation. 

And I will stand in awe of Beauty Defined.

Whoa... There's more to good hair.

Pantene Pro-V people. Don't believe that there's more to this company than beautifully flowing, fantastically volume-ized hair? Well... think again.

YouTube - Extraordinary Pantene Commercial

Afraid you can't reach your dreams? Grab a bottle of shampoo and try again... 

Free Listening

One of my most favorite reasons why I love working a block from Pike Place is because of the little park at the end of the strip. It simply provides the perfect resting and lunch-eating spot during the summer months. Bundled with one of the best views of puget sound and the cascades (ferry boats included), it also comes prepackaged with Seattleites of all shapes, sizes and yes... skills. And for the professional-people-watcher that I am, this makes me very happy.

Today, I happened to be walking back to work after a good break, when I passed an average-aged man holding a white sign with black lettering. It didn't surprise me to see this man with his sign. Many homeless people hang out at this park in hopes of catching some loose change or a stranger's compassion. What surprised me was what I read on the sign:

Free Listening

That was it... Kind of profound. Kind of strange... Free Listening

It was odd too because this man wasn't even that approachable looking. He wasn't someone I would point out and say, "Now that man right there looks like a good listener!" In fact, I had the complete opposite response. None the less, I can't help but wonder... Has this man help up this sign before? Has anyone ever gone up to him? What has he heard? Has he helped anyone work through problems or tough situations? Has he provided empathy where it wasn't freely given or felt before? Has he extended friendship and when it was needed most but couldn't be found?

... or was it simply a joke? Hmm...

And as I sit here in my office, I wonder... should I have inquired to see if  this man was in need of a free listener in his life? Is that his real reason for holding up the sign? What is his story? Does he have problems or unresolved situations? Is there someone in his life he can lean on for support and friendship? And the thing is, I don't know. 

Because I didn't ask.

It didn't even occur to me to do so until I sat back down in my chair five minutes after I saw him. And to do what? Go back to work...

I guess all of this to say, there are people out there right now who are simply in need of a free listener. Maybe its a friend of yours who needs you, or maybe its a stranger... or maybe its you.

Regardless, I hope that free listening will be experienced - both freely given and freely received - and sought after with intentional asking and purposeful discernment.

I walked past an opportunity today. You don't have to. 

Antarctica, Here I Come?

Oh friends, I think we all know by now that I am one of the world's greatest nerds... It just so happens that I love the polar regions of this world. Yep. Nerd. Right here. You can point fingers. I don't mind.

Alas, I just can't shake this obsession of mine to journey to the bottom of the world and see the rolling ice fields for myself. To see penguins and perhaps the lone polar bear is a requirement for my life's fulfillment. I will get there someday, and perhaps, that someday is a little bit closer for I have found a way to travel to Antarctica for FREE!

But... here's the clincher... I need your help. I need your friends' help, your parents help, even your dog's playmate's owner's help!

You see, there's a competition to become an Antarctica Expedition BLOGGER! That's right! I have the chance to... blog my way to Antarctica! Ha!

But, it requires good friends and good strangers  to VOTE for me! And if I get the most votes, well then, I win... 

AND THEN MY DREAM CAN COME TRUE!!!

So, if you feel so inclined to help someone see her dream come true, then simply go to the link below and vote for me.

http://www.blogyourwaytoantarctica.com/blogs/view/286

And if you feel so inclined to help me out even more, pass the link on to some family and friends and have them vote too! So far, I believe the furthest people away who have voted for me come from a local Texas Court office. Are you further away from Seattle than that? Vote for me and let me know! 

Plus, I get to bring one person along for the ride. If I win... it could be you :)

Plus, check out my new blog about my journey to become the next Quark Expedition Blogger! 

http://dawnblogstoantarctica.blogspot.com/

Night Hiking it Up

Last night was one of the most amazing experiences ever! No joke.

Two of my amazing friends, Renee and Shelby, and the forever energetic and fierce dog, Charlie and I all decided to hike Mt. Si after work. And I'm not joking when I say, I was truly LOVING MY LIFE! 

We made it up to the top in an hour and a half - which for those who don't know, is a pretty darn good time - and was the perfect pace for my Mount St. Helens training. Once at the top, the view was simply breath taking. It was that perfect time of the evening when everything seems dream-like. The sun wasn't quite setting, but projected a sort of peaceful knowing that it's role for the day was soon coming to a close. Simply dream-like. Rainier was beautifully magnificent as always. 

After a few pictures to document the surreal feeling at the summit, we decided that it was time to make the descent back to our cars. The sun would soon be setting and we wanted to give ourselves as much daylight as possible to hike down. Knowing that we'd be hiking in the dark for the last 2 miles or so, we were prepared with headlamps... and of course Charlie the super dog to protect us :) We began hiking at 6:45pm and returned to our cars about 3 hours later. It was the perfect mid-week trek. 

In fact, I think that was one of the many reasons why last night was SO amazing... we decided to go on a week night. Instead of staying home, doing the normal and expected thing, we changed our routine and did something abnormal. We broke the chains of routine and challenged ourselves physically when our bodies and minds really only wanted to relax. Maybe that's why I felt like I truly accomplished something last night - because I've done Mt. Si before and its never felt this purposeful or good before. 

I'm learning that breaking free of routine is important for my well-being. Otherwise I end up feeling contained and limited... 

And maybe that's why last night was so exhilarating and perfect... because it had a sense of freedom to it...

I believe more mid-week night hikes are soon to come.

My Fixation for the Next Month

Whoa. 

Imagine waking up to find out that you didn't climb Mt. St. Helens last night. That you weren't too sick to start the climb with the rest of the group, only to start later and attempt to catch up, eventually finding yourself alone in a storm, having to hanker down in a bivy sack tied to the edge of a snow wall so that you didn't roll off the cliff edge while sleeping, waking up to dig yourself out of a blanket of snow and ice only to realize that you wouldn't make the summit, that you failed and nearly died during the attempt and finally deciding to make the decent down to base camp before another storm started.

Again... I say... whoa.

I hope the real climb goes more smoothly than that. It's less than a month away. And its going to be amazing.

Basically if you're wondering what I'll be thinking about for the next month the answer is...

Mount Saint Helens. The climb.

I think my dream last night verifies this truth... Whoa.

Negotiation Success!

It is true. On Tuesday I said goodbye to this beauty... my beloved 1990 Mitsubishi Eclipse...

And I said hello to this...

.

My new (to me) 2006 Volvo S40. Remember Persisting Negotiations? Well... let's just say, negotiations are no longer persisting. I met some success :)

And I am loving my new car! Gosh what a good feeling. I no longer belong to the old car club. But I will most definitely miss the car I bought my junior year of high school with my own hard earned money. My old car lasted me 8 years longer than anyone thought it would... but was still going strong when I chose to say goodbye. I hope its new owner treats her well.

Alas, I now have a new car to treat well for the next ten years or so. So happy!

I love my new car and I love my life!

Risky Living

"To live without risk is to risk not living.... 

 it knows that the possibility of making a mistake and getting hurt is very real. But without exposure to potential failure, there is no risk..."

- Brennan Manning, Ruthless Trust

-----

It is true that I often write about risk on this blog... but it just so happens that taking risks is one of the driving forces in my life: to take risks despite the chance of "failure" - whatever that means - so that I may be challenged, forced to learn, moved toward growth and stretched beyond myself. 

There's no doubt that taking risks is scary business... but how else are we to learn the fundamentals of trust if there isn't a little fear involved? 

What if we miss out on His plan because we are too afraid to wait, to jump in, to let go, to give in, to forgive, to love, to correct or to simply let the unknown be the unknown?

Again, it involves trust... being ok with not knowing and understanding that the majority of real living requires a surrendering of control. 

But oh, it is so difficult to live this way! To let go of control and allow for risky living requires constant vigilance of the mind's tendency toward self sufficiency. It takes discipline and intentionality... to run toward fear rather than remain wrapped up in a safety net of routine and familiarity. 

So I ask, what requires risking today? Will trust be enough to do so? Or... will fear rule the unknown and the prospect of getting hurt? 

What's worse: risking something big and getting hurt in the future, or never knowing what could have been if only you trusted?

-----

Today, these words are written to remind myself.

Persisting Negotiations

I've been wanting to buy a new (to me) car since March-ish. But, it just so happens that I'm picky. Fortunately, I found an amazing car that I LOVE! In fact, a few weeks ago, I tried to purchase this car only to find out that the salespeople were unwilling to negotiate on price. I felt like they were trying to play me... like I'd simply give in and pay their price and they'd make the most out of the sale. However, little did they know, that's not how I work. There's no way I'm going to give my business to a salesperson that thinks they can get away with ripping me off. Its just not going to happen. I know I look like an easy target... relatively innocent looking, happy, smiley... you know. But no... I'm not going to give in just because I really like the car. Because the reality is, there are other cars out there... and I need to feel right and good about this big of a purchase.

So, I didn't end up buying the car.

But then, this past week, I got a call from Salesman, Eddie. The car is still available. Do I want to purchase it? Call him back and let him know.

Whoa. So, the car hasn't sold yet. This means its been on the lot for AT LEAST a month... probably much longer. Which also means, guess what... I now have the upper hand. They came back to me.

So what did I do? I waited a few days to show that I'm not desperate... and then I emailed Eddie this morning, outlining the situation for him. here's what I wrote:

"...at some point it will be more cost effective for you to sell the car than keep it on your lot. Because quite frankly, every day the car remains on the lot, you are losing money.  And, especially given our current economic times, wouldn't your superiors rather save some money by selling the car at a lower-than-sticker price than continue losing money out of their own pockets while the car remains to be unsold?

I was awfully surprised that you and your superiors were unwilling to negotiate. However, I'd like to give you another shot at earning my business..."

And then I outlined my offer... which really was a good one for them and for me. Because we both have to win. I have to feel good about the price I'm getting... and they do have to make some money. Its all part of business.

So now I'm simply waiting to hear what Eddie has to say. Will I get the car at the price I want? I hope so. I hope that my email shows that I understand what's at stake for them. I'm not desperate. They have to earn my business. And I'm giving them that opportunity. 

We'll see how it all plays out...

A Little Bit of Truth

I am feeling compelled this morning to simply write for anyone who is questioning this truth... God is real.

He is real and present and working... in my life and in your life. He just is. It is as simple as that. Even if He is presently unbeknown to you, He is still with you. Still loving you. Still pursuing after you. He just is. Simply pure pursuit.

And I hope that His disciples would listen to His direction today... are we to say something to a friend? Are we to do something for another? How does He want to work through each of us today to make Himself known?

For even a simple sentence or a quick prayer can make all the difference in someone's life... in my life. It has the power to reveal God's truth. His faithfulness and divine love. And His plan and purpose in another's life. 

The amazing thing about Jesus is that His love doesn't just save us from our sins... but it transforms, changes, inspires and encourages us to be who we were created to be. It enrolls us to see the possibility of something new in our lives and motivates us to run after the vision Jesus has for each of us personally and uniquely. 

Do you see His vision for your life? Is it REAL for you? If it isn't real yet, it can be. Be encouraged! God does not misplace His hope and love for us when we refuse to see - or can't see - what He sees in us. Instead, His faithfulness, glory and power is shown more clearly and severely than ever before. And He will continue to gently whisper His encouragement that things can change. And things do change. And as they change, He is with us every step of the way - leading us and reminding us that we are different than we were yesterday. And that things will be different tomorrow. Transformation is happening in our hearts and in our lives... and this year will be different and is different than before. 

Can you see it?

Some things...

You just can't blog about. 

Period. End of question. Get over it, because you just can't do it. Its just a simple fact. So, let it go. Move on. Stop thinking about it... because its just not an option. 

Because it just shouldn't be done. And so it won't be done. 

Instead, it'll be left in the unknown... preventing it from zooming out of control on the information highway of the WWW dot. Because, quite frankly, it's just not worth it. 

Again, I say... let it go. Because its not happening. It can't happen. And so, it won't happen.

Let it go.

Here we Go... more thoughts.

We are the Champions, My Friends

Yep... its true. The Nasties FC of Seattle are champions again!! 

Last Monday, we played our last regular season Spring soccer game... and won 6-1! It was an awesome game to end the season on. Everyone did SO well! I love it.

Our team was expecting to play in a championship game to earn the title... but it seems that Co-Rec has decided to cancel all championship games going forward due to increased field costs. Unfortunate really. I was looking forward to beating Starblazers United one last time this season. But thankfully we have the best record (8-2) in our division and have already been informed by Co-Rec that we are in fact champions. Wish we could have played an actual game though. Still, I won't complain :) This coming Monday, Summer season starts... and we are being bumped up a division... AGAIN! We will now be playing in Division 4... out of 10 Divisions. How exciting is that!?!

Wednesday Changes

Tonight is the first Wednesday that I will not be going to youth group. It has ended. My 6 year journey is over. How strange is that? Its a closing of one chapter and an opening of another... we'll see how it goes.

July...

Is a month full of hiking, camping, climbing and fun. And I am excited! All I have to do is get through June... here we go.

No... Not Me

Life is not about "me". It is not about "I". It is about you, or her, or him, or them. 

Inspiration for the Day

Isaiah 43:18-19

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up, do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.

What is God doing in your life? Do you see it? Will you let Him do what He so desires? Move aside so He can come in.

Positively Monday

Isn't it weird when you wake up and just feel a little "off"? 

That's how I feel today... not tired, just off. And I want and need to snap out of it right now! I feel like I need to run around or DO something ACTIVE... but unfortunately, I'm at work and can't.

I have a soccer game tonight, so maybe that will help at least for tomorrow's focusing ability. But how am I supposed to snap myself out of this feeling right now? I have an hour until lunch... and then my plan is to go outside and walk around... maybe read a little... and ultimately enjoy the sun. Perhaps I just need some vitamin D for the day. I think I'm addicted... to vitamin D... or at least the sunshine.

In any case, I am struggling to put all my energy into focusing my mind on work stuff today. This is the cycle I continually deal with... it happens every two weeks or so and it seems like it has arrived again in an unexpected fury. I hate it when it happens because everything becomes so much harder to do at work... when it should be easy. It is easy... its just hard to focus and ultimately DO. 

Does that even make sense? I'm not sure. 

I guess it just requires a little perseverance... one little step forward at a time. When things seem stagnant, or the objectionable pieces of our reality reveal themselves in full force, all we can do is continue walking forward. If we do not, we will only be consumed by the negative parts of our circumstance instead of focusing on the positive aspects that have the ability to motivate and create opportunities for us to grow and become more ourselves. Because that's the truth. Every life experience comes with both positives and negatives... what matters is how we choose to interact with them. Will we allow the negative to saturate our minds with self pity? Or, instead, choose to live in the freeing inspiration of the positive?

And so, I will try my hardest to focus on the positive at work today... and tomorrow... and for the rest of the week. And eventually my focus will return... and I will feel excited once again to be in this place at this time, working for this awesome company in the most amazing job one could ever have. Because my job truly is the most amazing job one could ever have. And I know that... and believe in that.

Its just hard right now.

Oh and Just for the Record...

I could have kicked that guys ass any day!

Unexpectedly Hit

So, I never actually thought this would happen... but some guy just hit me with his arm.

Ok, let me back track a little...

I ate lunch today outside at the park near Pike Place. It was a great lunch too - perfect sandwich, perfect weather, perfect music, perfect book.

But then lunch ended and I had to go back to work... so I did. I got up and started walking up the big hill near my work place. After I crossed the first street I came upon three men standing and waiting for the same cross walk go-ahead-light that I was. Despite the fact that I was listening to my iPod, I could tell that one of the men was mad at another. 

Both men seemed a little off... but I walk next to many people in Seattle who are off their rocker and its never been a problem. So, I didn't think anything of it. I never want to be that girl who avoids seemingly scary people, because most of them are not scary and most of them notice it when others do so... and that's not fair. So, that's why I never purposefully go down to another street corner or move to the other side of the street... just because someone might be a little off doesn't mean that we shouldn't treat them like people and give them a chance. Anyway, that's why I didn't leave the corner... and it was the closest cross walk to my office too. 

Eventually, the walk light turned on and we all proceeded to cross the street when one of the men started yelling at the other man - calling him pretty harsh names - and getting physically upset. I guess I must have been in his way - even though I was walking a little behind him - because he abruptly saw me and hit me in my side. It wasn't a punch... it was more like a side-swipe of his arm to my side. And then he yelled at me to get out of his way and turned around and continued walking after the man yelling at him.

Gosh. It didn't hurt at all, I won't even have a bruise or anything. And it's really not a huge deal... it just surprised me more than anything. And now I'm sitting in my office and my adrenaline is just going strong. 

Crazy how things like that can happen. 

Lessons Learned...

1. Do not wear white shorts to a soccer game in pouring down rain... it ends up being borderline scandalous... but then again, maybe that's how to distract the other team. Hmm... 

2. Do not go to bed early when you are used to going to bed late... it will only make you more tired in the morning... why is that anyway?? I guess this is my excuse to forever stay up late.

3. It is best to make friends with the people at your bus stop... otherwise you just end up staring at each other every morning... and that's a little awkward. But FYI, the first initial "contact" can be a little entertaining too... just be prepared.

4. Sometimes it is better to plan... otherwise you realize how much you have left to do the day it is all due... and that can be stressful. Enough said.

5. A clean room really is better than a messy room. I think I'm finally learning this truth. The thing I don't understand is how can a room be messy the day after you clean it?! Its a terrible cycle... I will conquer this!

6. I don't know why, but house plants are a really great thing. Who would have thought?

7. And last - but definitely not least - did you know Lewis and Clark's dog was a newfoundland named Seaman?? Crazy! There's your random fact for the day... use it wisely :)

I don't know what to title this so I'm not going to.

I have just realized... A 6-year journey is coming to a close in three weeks.

I sit here in awe about how being a leader to Jr. High students can change, teach and impact a person so incredibly to the core... that it refines and purifies the soul unlike any other.

I remember when I first began leading Jr. High students my freshman year of college. I was nervous and scared. Would the little sevies like me? Would I be cool enough? Would relationships be built? Would I fail in serving the One I love?

The past 6 years have taught me that service is not about myself. It is about showing Jesus more... being humble enough to acknowledge the fact that what I do on my own will not last... but what Jesus does will last for all eternity. I am merely the pot that perhaps pours out His love a little.

I simply hope... and trust... that my heart has been open enough for Jesus to have worked through me, so that He may have left lasting impact and change... and of course love... in the lives of these young people.

It seems as if rising emotions will be unavoidable in the next couple of weeks as I say good-bye to my current 9th grade girls... and to this youth ministry that I hold so deeply in my heart.

Fortunately, it is not a complete good bye. God has seemed to "gift" me with characteristics that adults cannot seem to understand... but Jr. Highers do. Perhaps I'll be back in the thick of youth ministry in no time... perhaps the journey is simply taking a small detour for now...

All I know is that this detour is right, for right now.

Ask and it will...??

I read a quote today that I feel is awfully misguided...

"Pray for what you want, but work for the things you need."

Hmm... I just don't know what to think about this statement. Is it saying that God refuses to provide the things we need if we ask for them? Should we really only ask for the things we simply want? It seems to be saying that we should only ask for those things that we want so if we do not receive them, we won't then be left disappointed or lacking - we will simply be left without luxury, comfort or indulgence. 

But that is incredibly small-minded. The things I desire do not always have to do with excessive want. Occasionally they do... but I also desire to be loved, accepted, encouraged and cared for. Are these things I need? Debatably so - in order to perhaps thrive in my own skin - but to live and breath? No, not necessarily. But I desire them non-the-less. I would argue that most people do too.

And doesn't that go so totally against God's character and the providing Father that He is? Isn't it true that He desires for us to come to Him with ALL of ourselves... which of course includes both needs and wants? If we only offer him a portion of ourselves as a safety net for our own hearts, we will only eliminate the possibility of deeper relationship with Him... and the possibility for His strength and power to be known personally and deliberately.

The other thing that rubs me the wrong way is that this quote encourages self-sufficiency over dependency on Jesus. The truth is, we cannot do this thing called life on our own. If we try, it will only leave us more broken and wanting than before. Our lives were created to glorify God and reflect His glory through our lives. But, if we take the control from Him - and essentially depend on our own abilities to "succeed" (whatever that means) - then we will be clothing ourselves in the glory that God deserves. And we will be ruining any opportunity to experience the story He already wrote out for our lives.

He tells us "ask and it will be given to you. seek and you will find. knock and the door will be opened..." 

Will we take that offer to heart? Or will we only ask a little, seek when it is dark and maybe do a little doorbell ditching instead of jumping into a relationship with God so utterly and completely that it includes every part of us... the good, the bad, the ugly... and of course the beautiful too?

No, this does not mean that everything we pray for will happen in our own timing - or at all.

What it does mean is that our relationships with our creator will be so gloriously open and real - encompassing all of our hurts, joys, love - that we will truly learn to rid ourselves of self sufficiency and depend on Him. And that is where growth, knowledge and discovery really happens... in the trenches of reality.

But we must pray about all things. And He will grow us, love us, and provide for us - each uniquely and completely - despite our needs and our wants. 

Security Reminders

Were you tired this morning? Did you wake up with your eyelids fighting your alarm clock to stay shut for a few more minutes? And once you did finally get out of bed, did you want to immediately crawl back in the warm covers and sleep a little more?

That was me this morning. I did not want to wake up... get out of bed... or consequently, go to work. Ugh. However, I did... and its going to be ok... there is hope! 

When I walked into my office building this morning, I was optimistically and enthusiastically reminded by the building's security guard that...

"There are only three more wake up days left in the week!"

YES! 

When put that way, it does seem a little easier to get the day going... I only have three more wake up days left until I my eyes won't have to fight the alarm clock... because it won't be set. Instead, I'll sleep my heart away until I decide its time to get up... and that is the greatest thing in the world :)

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Also, I just have to add that my office building's security guard is absolutely amazing! He's this sweet ethiopian man who is one of the most optimistic people I've ever met. I feel like he just always laughs at me... I'm sure I look pretty entertaining each morning as I stumble into the building entry way. What can I say? I'm simply not quite a morning person. However, just for the record... he did also tell me that I'm "always happy" so at least I've got that going for me :)

So... Happy Morning!

And if you need a little inspiration for work today, here's a cool quote that I find motivating when I'm not quite sure what to do next...

"Do something. If it doesn't work, do something else. No idea is too crazy."

- Jim Hightower

I love my life!

Don't you love the hidden quirks about people? I do. They bring a smile to my face and make me laugh and appreciate who people are even more.

Well - just like everyone - there are some funny little things that I love and help make me who I am.

For one, I love Hula Ken. He was given to me by an incredibly good friend during a rough time in my life. Since then, he has always been a reminder that no matter how low things seem to be, there's always something to keep you smiling... and dancing... and singing. Yes its true... Hula Ken is just that cool :) And so is the friend who gave him to me :)

Another random thing about me that you'll notice super quick is that I love...

Diet Coke!!! Again, its the simple things in life that keep us grounded, right? 

And even though both Hula Ken and Diet Coke seem to be minor... maybe even too simplistic... that's the greatest part about it! Life gets better - and means more - when we appreciate the intricate moments and gifts that bring a little extra light into our lives. And yes, Hula Ken and Diet Coke do that for me :)

And lastly... another thing that I've almost forgotten about is... photography.

Recently a roommate of mine motivated me to take my camera out and actually - dare I say - use it. And oh my gosh! How I forgot the joys of photography! Be it flowers in my bathroom, or my beautiful roommates at Pike Place, it makes me alive and once again notice the small things that make our world more real. Its finding beauty and love (?) in unexpected places. And I love that.

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And after a great day of walking around Pike Place picking out flowers for our mom's for mother's day, having so much fun taking pictures of random things and my crazy roommates, going down to Greenlake to play some volleyball with good friends... I find myself content and happy sitting at our little neighborhood bar and grill amazed once again by how much...

I love my life!!! I hope and trust that you love yours too :)