Slack Builds Character?

I climbed my very first 5.10 yesterday... booya! It's pretty exciting and definitely encourages me to keep focusing on becoming a better climber. You know, there are some things that I definitely consider to be my climbing strengths. Like I'm not afraid to use features on the wall and trust my feet to keep me from falling. I also really enjoy trying routes that I don't think I can do (and usually can't but you got to try!). And of course, I always have tons of fun :)

But, there are also definitely things I need to work on... for instance, overhanging routes are my nemesis and I need to become more comfortable on them. I also need to work on shifting my body weight to enhance balance, not being afraid to fall, not getting frustrated and losing focus, not giving up so easily. But the thing I maybe need to work on most is...

Being ok with more slack on the rope. Oh man. I hate slack on the rope. It makes you feel SO vulnerable to falling and failing. But, my boyfriend said it best yesterday... slack builds character. And the reality is that I need to be ok with it. Yes, that means if I fall, I'll fall further. Yes, that means it feels like there's no safety net between injury and success. And yes, that means it requires more trust in myself to do the moves required. Blah. It sucks! Haha. Well, it actually doesn't really suck on routes that I know I can do. It only sucks on routes that I get scared on and don't think I can do.

I guess it really boils down to risk... or at least the feeling of increased risk. And that can be scary. It really requires unconditional trust in yourself and in your safety net to succeed... even when you don't really believe in either. Sounds crazy! And it is. But I suppose its kind of like regular life too. Sometimes we have to trust when we don't believe. And when we do, we succeed or at least come out unscathed at the end.

And so I'll try to be ok with more slack. (But Jesse that does not mean you can give me lots of slack on purpose to try and "help" me with this!! :) Remember, building trust requires baby steps... or in my case baby slack...

In any case, 5.10's get ready to be conquered by yours truly. I'm climbing my way up... and yes, pun definitely intended :)

And so I reach

I'm hanging on for dear life. One more move and I've made it up the route. Why does the last move always take way more strength, trust and ambition than all the others? I swear, this happens every time. Seems like its always one more huge stretch to success. Can my feeble arms handle it? Ugh. I'm going to fall. I just know it. Why isn't the rope tighter? I wish my arms would grow six inches. Then this would be easy. Well, I can't just stay here forever... no more excuses, here goes nothing! Reeeaaaach!

Its all about risk... it is an ever-present life occurrence faced by each of us. It holds out excitement and success in one hand, and fear and failure in the other. Severely impacting our reality, risk forces us to make decisions on how we choose to handle life... will we be ruled by fear, or empowered by possibility?

The possibility that somehow my feeble arms will pull off that last move on a climbing route. The possibility that an acceptance letter into grad school will arrive in the mail instead of flunking the GMAT. The possibility that following a budget is easier than it looks. The possibility that...

I refuse to let fear control my life. Because at the end of the day, I know the rope is always held tight, and that strength will be provided at my weakest moment. This I trust in. And so I reach.

Risky Living

"To live without risk is to risk not living.... 

 it knows that the possibility of making a mistake and getting hurt is very real. But without exposure to potential failure, there is no risk..."

- Brennan Manning, Ruthless Trust

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It is true that I often write about risk on this blog... but it just so happens that taking risks is one of the driving forces in my life: to take risks despite the chance of "failure" - whatever that means - so that I may be challenged, forced to learn, moved toward growth and stretched beyond myself. 

There's no doubt that taking risks is scary business... but how else are we to learn the fundamentals of trust if there isn't a little fear involved? 

What if we miss out on His plan because we are too afraid to wait, to jump in, to let go, to give in, to forgive, to love, to correct or to simply let the unknown be the unknown?

Again, it involves trust... being ok with not knowing and understanding that the majority of real living requires a surrendering of control. 

But oh, it is so difficult to live this way! To let go of control and allow for risky living requires constant vigilance of the mind's tendency toward self sufficiency. It takes discipline and intentionality... to run toward fear rather than remain wrapped up in a safety net of routine and familiarity. 

So I ask, what requires risking today? Will trust be enough to do so? Or... will fear rule the unknown and the prospect of getting hurt? 

What's worse: risking something big and getting hurt in the future, or never knowing what could have been if only you trusted?

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Today, these words are written to remind myself.