The days are getting shorter

Fall is fast approaching. In fact, I believe it has arrived in a frenzy. It is cold and damp in the mornings... windy and cloudy in the evenings. Or, at least it was last night. It sounds like this weekend will be filled with the last rays of summer sunshine... be sure to take advantage while you can this weekend.

Time. It is moving way to fast these days. August blurred by without a backward glance or a wave goodbye. Fun as it was (climbing adventures around every corner!) it just went by too fast.

All of life is these days... is going by too fast, I mean. How do we hold on to the small moments and enjoy every second to its full? How are we to drink life's sweet nectar when we can't seem to slow down enough to wait for it to be poured into our glass half full?

I suppose it takes intentionality... as all the greatest things in life require. Intentionality to slow down. To relax. To invest in others. To invest in ourselves as well. Far to often we work hard to light the fire within others' lives but forget to spend the time working on ourselves.

Let September be a month of slow transition... and transformation. As the leaves turn brightly, may each of us change right alongside. Life is meant to be enjoyed... but I'm not so sure we can partake to the full if we are moving at the speed of light. Its time for a slow month for deliberation and intentionality.

Here we go. What a hope it brings.

Into the Wild Blue

Kayaking has always been - in a sense - intimidating to me. Let me spell it out very clearly... I have wimpy arms. So, paddling for 10 miles a day sounds exhausting and grueling. And you know what? It kinda is! But really, its not as bad as one would think. In fact, its surprisingly refreshing, energizing, and peaceful... but of course it would be in the San Juan Islands where beauty abounds, where seals follow you for miles, and where the strains of life seem to lift above the clouds... providing just a moment of relief from the stresses of every day life. Ah, a moment to breath and enjoy real life. What a joy.

Needless to say, I am ever so thankful for the opportunity to spend three glorious days paddling in the San Juans and camping on small, seemingly insignificant islands along the way. It's in these experiences and moments that we remember what's real, what's important, and what makes all the difference. It's in these moments where life re-fills the empty areas in our souls so we can continue taking steps forward when we go back to the "real world"... however, I don't really think the monotony of our repetitive work-lives define the real world... I think its found out there. Out in the wilderness, and deep within our hearts. It's happens when things seem to come together and display how life really is good. Sometimes we just don't know it until we listen to the rolling sounds of the ocean, or hear the silent strength of rock, or feel the radiance of color from a rainbow. But its there waiting for us to come and experience it for ourselves. So, let's go. Let's keep experiencing the deep joys of life so our hearts overflow with love to be poured out.

The Land of Cracks and Slab - Squamish

The land of cracks and slab... more commonly known as Squamish, BC... is a beautiful place of mountains, rivers, waterfalls, ocean views and the most glorious granite rock you can find. It is a rock climbers heaven, complete with thousands upon thousands of routes for the beginner and advanced climber.

Thanks to the best boyfriend ever, I was privy to three amazing days of climbing in Squamish, this past weekend. As climbing always is for me, it was a weekend of extreme highs and lows... all of which stretch me to the limit. It is a combination of breaking-down confidence just to build it back up. It is to lean on unknown strength within to overcome fears and panic that my own inner thoughts create - all while fighting to find deliverance in the little focus and skill I actually have. What a ride!

And therefore, it was a great weekend of successes, and (dare I say it?) failures. I sent my first 5.9, my first 5.10b (although it was only one move of 5.10b!), and even led a super chill 5.4 on trad! ... I also cried on a 5.8 (hate that!), fell a ton of times on a couple 5.10s, wouldn't do a 5.8 because it looked to scary, and was told by a climber guide that I have boyfriend syndrome (aka, I use Jesse as a climbing crutch) Ah. Basically the guide told me that I should lead everything from now on. Yeah right! No way! I have a new appreciation for leading. Baby steps, I guess.

Regardless, it was a fantastic weekend, leaving me with more bruises, scrapes and determination to continue this road of becoming a better climber. And I'm looking forward to every new hand jam, finger lock, heel hook, and layback along the way.

Waiting

Why does it seem like happiness or contentment always rely on other people or other things?

The truth is that we are each responsible for our own feelings and how we perceive the stage we play on. However, life still has a way of taking things out of our own control and forcing unwanted realities upon us.

And the question is, how are we supposed to interact with those unwanted realities in a way that enables us to grow, smile at life's difficulties, and take steps forward towards possible solutions? How are we supposed to remain positive in the light of unsought out realities?

Because when we can't smile or provide optimistic hope for future possibilities, we feel trapped and confined... unable to break forth beyond a net of "cant's." And when life's cant's build up on top of each other... one after the other... how are we supposed to knock them down?

Perhaps it comes down to waiting. Being patient. Putting our hope in time. But who really wants to do that? Waiting is hard. And why does waiting take more energy and strength than doing, anyway?

Unfortunately, sometimes waiting is all we can seem to do.

And until then, we are left relying on others... their time and their abilities... to help us through this time of waiting.

Maybe its this giving up of control that makes us grow the most... even when we don't feel like growing at all.

Its been a while

Yes, I know its been a long while since I last posted on this thing. Life has taken a hold of me and hasn't let go... but in a good way, you know? After traveling for work for about a month, settling back into the swing of things has taken more effort than expected. But its been ok, too. Here's a couple updates for you:

Jesse gets home from Hong Kong TODAY!! I'm so excited! He's been gone for basically two months... which is two months toooooo long! Needless to say, this week is going to be SO great with him being home. I seriously cannot wait until later tonight when I get to hug him again. Counting the hours down... :)

Work has been hard lately. The world wide web is a little too big and revealing to say much more... so I'll leave it at that. Trusting and hoping things get better soon.

I love climbing. They say that once you try climbing it becomes an addiction. I never thought it was real, but now I understand. It is one of my most favorite things in the world! And I'm getting better every week. I can't wait until I can do more of the hard stuff, but I'm getting there. My goal for this summer is to climb a 5.10A OUTSIDE... which for me will be a BIG deal. My other goal is to try a bit of lead climbing and see how I like it. Ah! Its all just SO exciting! Yay!

SUMMER. I cannot wait for summer. It is going to be oh so good. But right now its raining slash pouring. But its coming... just a couple months away. Celebrate with me. Summer is coming soon.

1 week down

One week down... two to go.

Yep, one week of my three week training trip across the rural US of A is officially complete. Feels good. Feels exhausting too. This past week was filled with travel, 3 hour training sessions (sometimes 2 per day) and A LOT of driving between each rural town in the SE that Northland services.

What an experience! What have I learned so far?

• Georgians are terrible drivers
• Scallops in Statesboro are delicious!
• I can ride a horse and even trot/jump over a pole thingy (yes its a thing!)
• Toccoa Falls (NC) is absolutely gorgeous
  
• The SE puts WAY too much dressing on their salads
• Small logos on billboards are ok
• Yumion in Vidalia, GA is a celebrity... and yes I got my picture with him
• Strawberries picked from a farm are WAY better than the ones you get at Safeway
• Homemade granola is amazing... so is jam
• A positive and willing attitude will take you far
• Presenting for three hours, sometimes 6 hours, each day makes your legs hurt from all the standing
• I like trust falls
• East coast time is a 12 hour difference to Hong Kong
• Small towns are not created equal... some are way cooler than others

I'm here for one quick day and then I'm off to Texas on Sunday. Should be another great trip! And don't worry, I'll be back in time for the Easter Sunrise Service at 6 AM! Be there. Westminster Chapel in Bellevue :) How's that for a shameless plug?

Back from the (nearly) dead

Wow, this week flew by in a blurry mess of stomach flu, sleep, exhaustion, starvation, work overload, and now... almost rest.

Sunday, 5:30 pm - Raced home from the store and ran to the bathroom. Threw up three times.

Sunday, 9 pm - Still throwing up... dang it, i may never be able to eat Cheeze Its again

Monday, 1 am - Will I ever stop throwing up? Made a make-shift bed in the bathroom

Monday, 4 am - So tired. More vomit. I'm so dehydrated.

Monday, 5:30 am - Last round of stomach flu... wow, i never knew the body could be so sore. What a work out.

Monday, 6:05 am - Skype Jesse... what a mess i am. Am i going to live?

Monday, 10 am - Dad to the rescue with Pedialite, 7up, soup and crackers!

Monday - Tuesday - Sleep like a dead woman... only waking up for a little drink of pedialite

Wednesday, 10 am - Oh yeah, i have to drop by work... but i'm still so exhausted...

Wednesday, 3 pm - Back in bed. Eyes shut and...

Thursday, 7 am - Roll out of bed after skyping Jesse... off to a hellish day at work. Am i really leaving for three weeks on Sunday to train CSRs across the country?

Thursday, 9pm - Just leaving the Apple Store after 2 excruciating hours of hopeless Mac issues... soooooo tired.... and... asleep

Friday - Finally prepared for my 3 week travel adventure for work! Feeling 90% better! Leaving Sunday and ready (dare i say it?) for anything!

PS: Thank you so much to those who prayed for me all week! I desperately needed it! The stomach flu kicked my butt to the ground. Made for one of the most challenging weeks of my life. So thank you for the prayers and thoughts!

Love Already Won

Rob Bell recently came out with a new book titled, "Love Wins. A Book About Heaven, Hell and the Fate of Every Person Who Ever Lived." The premise resides around the afterlife. When we die, we will either go to Heaven or Hell. However, Rob Bell believes that in Hell, we will still have the option to find salvation in Jesus. Ultimately, he's proclaiming that "hell" may not even be a physical place. He's proclaiming that God's love is so great that he will pursue those who are lost in Hell until each of them chooses Him. For those who do not know, this is untraditional Christian thought. So much so, that Rob Bell is being labeled as a heretic by some. Perhaps he is. Perhaps he is not. I'm not here to label anyone. But I do have thoughts that I need to get out. So here goes...

Rob Bell, you ask, "Who says that God can't pursue people's hearts even after our physical death?"

Good point. We don't know the answers to the afterlife. We can only rest in 100% confidence in the knowledge that there is an afterlife and what we do in this life effect where we will go when we die... Heaven (whatever that means, with Jesus) or Hell (whatever that means, without Jesus).

Maybe God will save sinners in the afterlife... but what if he doesn't?

How can someone be sure that there will still be a chance in the afterlife to ask for forgiveness and live with Jesus? We can't be sure. I think its awfully foolish to wait for an option that may never be available. Maybe it will be. But why put all your eggs in a basket that may have a huge, gapping hole in it? Why deny love now?

I think the right questions to ask is, "What are we going to do in this life time that will make lasting impact for God's glory now?"

The Bible says eternity is now. We must live in that truth. We must live with eternal minds now. What happens today, in this moment, will have lasting impact. Therefore, I will focus my heart on loving God, living for Him, making Him my savior every day, doing what I can to save more of God's people now, and to bring God glory all the days of my life... on earth and in heaven. This is my mission.

I will not wait or rest on a possibility that may not exist... and I believe that this idea may cause people to wait. We must not stray. We must hold on to the truths that the Bible proclaims. God is Lord. Jesus is Savior. And we each have the choice to put our faith in Him and live in Freedom form our bondage, today.

You see, Love already won.

Love already beat death. Love already offers the gift of salvation and freedom to each and everyone of us NOW. It is our simple choice... today and tomorrow... to choose to live in Freedom, or not.

I think we put God in a box whenever we say "this is how God is. and this is how God does things." Yes, God is love. But perhaps giving us a chance on earth to proclaim God's glory and accept the gift of Jesus' death and resurrection that saves us from our sins is love enough. Who can say there is any bigger expression of love than that? Why are we always looking for something else? Something that makes that simple fact better, as if anything more than that could be better?

Rob Bell, yes it is ok to ask questions and ponder the unknowns. I myself wonder what Heaven will be like... if there really are streets of gold, and what worship will look like when we get to be with the Lord. But I will not stand for you labeling how God chooses to love or proclaim ideas that we have no way of knowing if they are truth. They may be... who knows? But that's just it... no one knows.

God says... "I Am who I Am." That is all we need to know. Now is the time to trust. Now is the time to believe. Now is the time to make eternal decisions.

Please don't wait on any idea that may just be that... an idea. Please, make your decisions on truth, now.

Live on strong

For three and a half years I've had this little plant on my desk. For three and a half years I have watered it, pruned it and tendered to its every need. I once even put one of those fertilizer thingys in its soil to provide more nutrients so it could grow strong. I love this plant.

Well, I am sad to say that after three and a half years, my plant looks like this... you may not be able to see from this photo, but every leaf looks brown... as if life hit it hard, leaving it downtrodden, with little will left to live... leaving it wanting.

I'm sorry little plant. I'm sorry that life has left its mark on your wilting branches. Little plant, I will do my very best to bring you back to life... but I am going to have to prune you and leave you with only two branches. Just remember... thee must pruneth to make room for great growth. There's more life left in you little plant. Live on. Live on strong and grow great and mighty as I know you can.

And birds will sing

Too many questions. Too many uncertainties threaten to infiltrate the deep troughs of our hearts that hold and protect our most precious - and our most vulnerable - thoughts, hopes and dreams. The fears of failure and loneliness rest upon the tips of arrows as poison, aimed at all we want to be, experience and love. How to choose? How to be certain and know? Who wins the wrestling match when it lies within?

It's a false loneliness brought forth by an irrational fear of mistakes not yet made and that which may never be made... and as insecurities are forced into the light against our will, the heart and mind become tangled with doubt. Oh what to do?

Perhaps this is the answer that brings light to the dark places of the soul... and hope and freedom where chains were once bound...

This is the thing though... We create because we were made to create, having been made in the image of God, whose first role was Creator. He was and is a million different things, but in the beginning, he was a creator. That means something for us, I think. We were made to be the things that he is: forgivers, redeemers, second chance-givers, truth-tellers, hope-bringers. And we were certainly, absolutely, made to be creators.

If you were made to create, you won't feel whole and healthy and alive until you do. My husband is a pianist and songwriter, and you can set a timer by his need to play and create. If it's been too long, I can feel it in our house, like something gone bad in the refrigerator or a dead mouse in the walls. He was made to play, to sing, to create with sounds and notes and words, and when he doesn't, he's not himself...

Get up. Create like you're training for a marathon, methodically, day by day. Learn your tricks, find a friend, leave the dirty dishes in the sink for a while. This is your chance to become what you believe deep in your secret heart you might be. You are an artist, a guide, a prophet. You are a storyteller, a visionary, the Pied Piper himself. Do the work, learn the skills, and make art, because of what the act of creation will create in you. (Shauna Niequist)

And the act of creation will create life within... beautiful, joyous, redeeming and hope-filled life. A reason for celebration and dancing. Where the songs of birds can't be quieted, and the brilliance of color can't be shielded. Where the radiance of freedom blazes a path forth from deep within our hearts to touch those around us, so luminous that others can't help but stop and stand in awe and wonder at the very first creator. This is our mission... my mission. So why does the pondering of uncertainty and insecurity remain? Fear, get behind my back.

... And I'm left wondering if this makes sense to anyone other than me...

What could be better than this?

Great weekend. A couple birthday celebrations sandwiched in between an amazing trip to climb some rocks at Vantage. Just imagine... 45 degrees of sunshine blazing down as you hang from the side of some rock pillars. What could be better than that? Honestly? I'm not too sure. It was a great trip. A much needed trip for my sanity... to get outside and do stuff just feels good. Hopefully this type of activity will keep my cabin fever at bay for a little while longer as my knee continues to decide whether or not it feels like healing today, or maybe tomorrow. It's pretty indecisive... much like my occasional self. Ironic. Don't you think? [Alanis Morissette: Yeah, I really do think.] Thankfully, I've been given the gift of rock climbing during this time of patience and acceptance. Booya. Life is good.

Remembering

Yesterday as I got off work and walked to my bus stop, a swarm of fire trucks, ambulances, police cars and officers swarmed into my path.

As I got closer to the Macy's parking garage, I realized the cross walk was closed. An accident, or something, had happened. And when I rounded the bend to the other side of the street, it all came into light.

People everywhere were in a frenzy. Fingers pointed up to the top of the 9 story parking garage and traced each floor down to the ground... and that's when I realized... a man either jumped or was pushed off the top of the parking garage and fell to the ground moments before I had arrived to witness the event.

Instinctively, I looked into the window of the ambulance on the other side of the street. Seeing paramedics working hard to resuscitate the fallen victim, I turned away. What more could be done?

I write this post in remembrance of that man. Without knowing him, the struggles he faced or the joys he experienced, I ask each of you to say a prayer for his family. His friends. And that he would be remembered with joy and celebration... instead of defeat.

I am left hoping that with his frail departure he has met much hope and joy at the doors of eternity...

Bittersweet

It's a rainy Tuesday. Comforting actually. Feeling struck by the irony of life... that which your desires fail to match your ability to obtain them. Life that which seems stuck between a hard place and a rock, so to speak. Both a bitter taste and a sweet existence.

I suppose it is in these times that we must look to grow, even when the question remains: how much is there really left to grow? More patience? More trust? More faith? I suppose there's always more to grow, even when we feel helpless to water the seed.

Shauna Niequist writes it best, "Bittersweet is the practice of believing that we really do need the bitter and the sweet, and that a life of nothing but sweetness rots both your teeth and your soul. Bitter is what makes us strong, what forces us to push through, what helps us earn the lines on our faces and the calluses on our hands. Sweet is nice enough, but bittersweet is beautiful, nuanced, full of depth and complexity. Bittersweet is courageous, gutsy..."

What a beautiful concept, yet seemingly difficult to put to use. I don't feel courageous. Or gutsy. I feel stuck... Stuck between the desire to explore, run, hike and experience all the world's beauty and the inability to do just that.

And while frustration abounds in this seemingly small area of life, celebration and thankfulness conquer the remainder of life. Oh, how easy it is to let the bitter parts of life overtake the sweet ones. I suppose it is far better to fight for life-breathing perception than to submit and indulge in self pity.

"So, this is the work I'm doing now, and the work I invite you into: when life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate. And when life is bitter, say thank you and grow." And when life passes out the sweetness of sugar and the bitterness of chocolate? Then partake in the gift of togetherness with the joy of celebration and the hope of growth leading your every step forward.

J+D

Do not be afraid

Call me ignorant, an idealist, or even irrationally optimistic, but deep down in my heart I really do believe that all people are good, or at least are capable of being good. And all my life I've believed that the vast majority of the population even want to be good - regardless of their state or being [ie homeless, drug addict, selfish, wealth chaser, parents, children... really anything].

And, as any core belief should, this distinction of the human race has impacted how I interact with those around me. Perhaps I'm overly trusting. Perhaps I don't feel uneasy when I should. Perhaps I talk to the homeless and carry on conversations with random strangers too much... but at least this leads to an outflow of love.

Unfortunately, today I've come to realize that some people are just not good. And this makes my heart sad and kind of challenges everything. So, why? Well, here's the story:

This morning I hopped on the 358 at 6:40am just like any other day. As we got closer to Seattle I decided that I'd go to Starbucks and try their steamed vanilla milk [because I can't drink caffeine right now... and btw, it wasn't very good which makes this story all the more maddening because it could have been avoided]. Anyway, the Starbucks is one bus stop further than I usually go, on 3rd and Pike. It's also right near the McDonalds and Walgreens, which for some reason attract some pretty interesting people. Well, the bus stopped and literally the minute after I stepped off the bus there was a man by my side. It caught me by surprise, but it didn't initially scare me. I mean, this happens all the time.

But then he wouldn't go away.

And then I looked at him... and the vibe was just wrong. I don't really know how else to explain it. He started veering into me a little and I tried to get out of his way with little luck. You would think that when I crossed the street he would leave me alone. Or that when I opened the door and walked inside Starbucks that he would leave me alone. Well, he didn't. In fact he tried to pay for my drink with the cash he did not have in his wallet. When the barista mentioned something to him, he got irritated because they interrupted him while he was trying to get my number. Gross.

Well finally he and his friend that followed him in, slinked out. And the baristas behind the counter and I kinda laughed at the whole situation. Because what can you do other than laugh? Maybe cry. Because it was scary. More intimidating than the actions of this man was the vibe that I got when I looked into his eyes.

Well, when I got my drink and looked outside, they were standing there waiting for me to come out. We made eye contact. What creepers. Luckily I had a book and sat down at a table and pretended to read. Unfortunately that only provoked them to walk beside me on the other side of the glass and ask me to come outside again. I just shook my head no, tried to ignore the men and "read." Eventually they disappeared, but I could just feel their eyes waiting for me across the street to come out. Honestly? It really did scare me and I don't scare easily when it comes to strangers. Luckily I have the greatest boyfriend ever and he talked with me while I sat at Starbucks for a while and then also when I ended up venturing outside and walked the four blocks as quickly as I could to the safety of my office.

All of this to say, it just sucks that there are people out there that just want to antagonize. Where's the love? I know that sounds cheesy, but seriously? It makes me mad to think that someone would do that just for fun. I mean, honestly. Its pretty obvious that I'm not going to give this man my number. So why the hell did he try? Come on.

Well I decided to venture out of my office during lunch today and you know what? It was hard! It was difficult not to worry that some of the people I walked past wouldn't do the same thing as earlier. It was hard to not wonder if they were going to be bad people too. And instead of being overly carefree, I feel like I'm now going to be overly weary...

But, I really do believe that people are good. And I want to believe that the man I met this morning has at least a little good in him too. I can't let one bad experience hinder future interactions. Vulnerability leads to dependence on Jesus, and on Him I will depend. I just need to remember that the Lord goes before me and is with me. There's no need to be afraid. There's no need to feel discouraged.

Ok, here we go.

Remedy - ing

Well, I might just have to become a believer in homeopathy. It seems like my remedy is at least doing something... for better or worse, I'm not sure.

So, on Saturday I took the stuff knowing that on Sunday I should experience all my symptoms at once. Well, I totally did and it was crazy. My knee swelled up to a puffy balloon. It was pretty incredible really. And this was after I didn't do anything to aggravate my knee the day before. So strange. On top of that, my sinus issues came out in full force just as they were supposed to. Fortunately, the fact that I went to church and simply relaxed while watching the Superbowl made yesterday quite manageable despite how gross I felt.

But today... that's another story. My knees are both puffy, my hips ache unlike yesterday, and I feel like I have absolutely NO energy and feel like dead weight. And because I'm at work simply sitting in my chair trying to focus, I don't have anything to really distract my mind from how I'm feeling. And I'm trying not to have a pity party, but honestly? I just want to go home and curl up in bed. That's what I really want to do.

I really hope this thing works. I hope it doesn't make my knee worse, or cause my left knee to get messed up. I'm a little annoyed that both knees are inflamed right now.

You know, I really am an overly optimistic person... but its really hard to keep a year of frustration at bay.

Maybe I'll hire a personal cheerleader to keep me going. Send me your resume if you want to apply.

This is how serious I am

Oh the agony of it all! No caffeine for F-I-V-E W-E-E-K-S ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! How am I ever going to survive? You do realize what this means, right?

NO tea...

NO coffee...

NO. DIET. COKE.

All I have to say is that this sacrifice of mine better be worth it. Ok, so background info as to why I'm doing this [because obviously it is not by choice]: I went to a naturopath who specializes in homeopathy. If you don't know what that is, don't look it up. You won't get it. And neither do I. All I know is that it might/will/BETTER heal my knee. And so, I'm trying it.

And the remedy (yes...I know... remedy) requires NO CAFFEINE. Blah. FML.

If this act of will to abstain from my most favorite things doesn't prove how SERIOUS I am about getting my knee healed... then I don't know what will.

Ok, God. PLEASE do your thing through this. Amen.

What's playing in my head

The Call - Regina Spektor

No Envy. No Fear. - Joshua Radin

I Never Told You - Colbie Caillat

Second Chances - Paper Route

Live to Tell the Tale - Passion Pit

Staraflur - Sigur Ros

Don't Let Me Fall - B.O.B

Skeleton Me - Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Just Say Yes - Snow Patrol

Falling for You - Sennen

The Funeral - Band of Horses

North by North - Dynamo

Longer I Run - Peter Bradley Adams

(no subject)

• Wearing a huge puffy jacket that goes to your knees while wearing a skirt is worth it if its below 30 degrees out. Brrrrrr
• My new love: Tall americano with white chocolate mocha and room for cream
• No alcohol January is officially over!
• New book (Bittersweat: Thoughts on change, grace and learning the hard way) is on its way! The anticipation is too great. You know those books that change your life forever? Well, this one will... actually already has. Thank you Bethany! And I have to include an excerpt so you can maybe understand what I'm about to jump into (and and expect a ton of posts on this book): This collection is an ode to all things bittersweet, to life at the edges, a love letter to what change can do in us. This is what I've come to believe about change: it's good, in the way that childbirth is good, and heartbreak is good, and failure is good. By that I mean that it's incredibly painful, exponentially more so if you fight it, and also that is has the potential to open you up, to open life up, to deliver you right into the palm of God's hand, which is where you wanted to be all along, except that you were too busy pushing and pulling your life into exactly what you thought it should be. So, this is the work I'm doing now, and the work I invite you into: when life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate. And when life is bitter, say thank you and grow.
• Homeopathy... a bit unsure, but have to give it a shot! Please knee heal faster.
• Second Chances by Paper Route... great song
• Kiwi and blueberries are the best combination
• How do you find the perfect merino wool hoody? I've searched every online store. No one has what I want. In these moments I often wish I was a clothing designer.
• I need decorating ideas for my room. Its still too boring... almost like there's too much wall space.
• I'm going to be Chinese tonight and celebrate Lunar New Year... and eat tons of amazing chinese food. Yes!
• Oh and I need to do laundry. ASAP.
• And because I can never post anything without including a little substance (and by the way, this applies to everything): So, we might as well learn that our freedom to indulge must include the freedom to abstain - otherwise its not freedom at all. It's slavery. - Richard Dahlstrom

Positively Positive

The positive thinker sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible.

For myself, I am an optimist - it does not seem to be much use being anything else.

-Winston Churchill

It takes but one positive thought when given a chance to survive and thrive to overpower an entire army of negative thoughts.

- Robert H. Schuller

There's no use allowing negativity to prevail. Positive thinking will overcome anything and everything... thankfulness too. I am so thankful for so many things and therefore won't allow a few inconveniences to discourage me. I will remain positive and be encouraged by all that I can do and enjoy in life. And I will partake in those things with a joyful heart. After nearly a year, my knee still seems to be in the same sore spot it got itself into last February. But right now, JOY, THANKFULNESS and GRATITUDE need to be the outpouring of my soul.

A lot harder said, than done. Thankfully, I'm stubborn.

No Envy. No Fear.

Some are reaching, few are there

Wandering from a heros chair

Some are scared to fly so high

Well this is how we have to try

Have no envy and no fear

Have no envy

No fear

Brother, brother we all see

You're hiding out so painfully

See yourself come out to play

A lovers rain will wash away

Your envy and your fear

So have no envy, no fear

When your sister turns to leave

Only when she's most in need

Take away the cause of pain

By showing her we're all the same

Have no envy, no fear

Have no envy, no fear

Every day we try to find

We search our hearts and our minds

The place we used to call our home

Can't be found when we're alone

So have no envy, no fear

Have no envy, no fear

Slack Builds Character?

I climbed my very first 5.10 yesterday... booya! It's pretty exciting and definitely encourages me to keep focusing on becoming a better climber. You know, there are some things that I definitely consider to be my climbing strengths. Like I'm not afraid to use features on the wall and trust my feet to keep me from falling. I also really enjoy trying routes that I don't think I can do (and usually can't but you got to try!). And of course, I always have tons of fun :)

But, there are also definitely things I need to work on... for instance, overhanging routes are my nemesis and I need to become more comfortable on them. I also need to work on shifting my body weight to enhance balance, not being afraid to fall, not getting frustrated and losing focus, not giving up so easily. But the thing I maybe need to work on most is...

Being ok with more slack on the rope. Oh man. I hate slack on the rope. It makes you feel SO vulnerable to falling and failing. But, my boyfriend said it best yesterday... slack builds character. And the reality is that I need to be ok with it. Yes, that means if I fall, I'll fall further. Yes, that means it feels like there's no safety net between injury and success. And yes, that means it requires more trust in myself to do the moves required. Blah. It sucks! Haha. Well, it actually doesn't really suck on routes that I know I can do. It only sucks on routes that I get scared on and don't think I can do.

I guess it really boils down to risk... or at least the feeling of increased risk. And that can be scary. It really requires unconditional trust in yourself and in your safety net to succeed... even when you don't really believe in either. Sounds crazy! And it is. But I suppose its kind of like regular life too. Sometimes we have to trust when we don't believe. And when we do, we succeed or at least come out unscathed at the end.

And so I'll try to be ok with more slack. (But Jesse that does not mean you can give me lots of slack on purpose to try and "help" me with this!! :) Remember, building trust requires baby steps... or in my case baby slack...

In any case, 5.10's get ready to be conquered by yours truly. I'm climbing my way up... and yes, pun definitely intended :)

Dream-Making

It's true, I don't believe in resolution-ing. I don't like being put in a box or required to commit to doing something when things might change in a month... or even tomorrow. Regardless, I definitely believe in dream-making. And so, here are a few dreams for this next year.

• Climb 5.10 consistently
• Put some wear and tear on my new, amazing Osprey backpack
• Get over my diet coke addiction
• Save $$ for Peru and the Inca Trail and either go this year or next
• Climb at Squamish again
• Go fishing
• Get over my fear of seeing bears and cougars in the wild
• Take more pictures
• Climb Adams and Shuksan if my knee allows
• Go and serve in Guatemala with my church
• Decide if I'm going to grad school or not
• Hang out with my mom more
• Embark on at least one alpine climb this year
• Just dance
• Do what scares me
• Run and snowshoe again
• Cook more meals for friends

This, of course, is an incomplete list as many more adventures will undoubtedly take place this 2011 year. However, its a great starting point. One that gets me excited for what's to come... for all that may be experienced and enjoyed to the fullest. And the best part? Most of these things require others... community... togetherness. 2011 isn't about me... its about all of you. As it should be, right?