And birds will sing

Too many questions. Too many uncertainties threaten to infiltrate the deep troughs of our hearts that hold and protect our most precious - and our most vulnerable - thoughts, hopes and dreams. The fears of failure and loneliness rest upon the tips of arrows as poison, aimed at all we want to be, experience and love. How to choose? How to be certain and know? Who wins the wrestling match when it lies within?

It's a false loneliness brought forth by an irrational fear of mistakes not yet made and that which may never be made... and as insecurities are forced into the light against our will, the heart and mind become tangled with doubt. Oh what to do?

Perhaps this is the answer that brings light to the dark places of the soul... and hope and freedom where chains were once bound...

This is the thing though... We create because we were made to create, having been made in the image of God, whose first role was Creator. He was and is a million different things, but in the beginning, he was a creator. That means something for us, I think. We were made to be the things that he is: forgivers, redeemers, second chance-givers, truth-tellers, hope-bringers. And we were certainly, absolutely, made to be creators.

If you were made to create, you won't feel whole and healthy and alive until you do. My husband is a pianist and songwriter, and you can set a timer by his need to play and create. If it's been too long, I can feel it in our house, like something gone bad in the refrigerator or a dead mouse in the walls. He was made to play, to sing, to create with sounds and notes and words, and when he doesn't, he's not himself...

Get up. Create like you're training for a marathon, methodically, day by day. Learn your tricks, find a friend, leave the dirty dishes in the sink for a while. This is your chance to become what you believe deep in your secret heart you might be. You are an artist, a guide, a prophet. You are a storyteller, a visionary, the Pied Piper himself. Do the work, learn the skills, and make art, because of what the act of creation will create in you. (Shauna Niequist)

And the act of creation will create life within... beautiful, joyous, redeeming and hope-filled life. A reason for celebration and dancing. Where the songs of birds can't be quieted, and the brilliance of color can't be shielded. Where the radiance of freedom blazes a path forth from deep within our hearts to touch those around us, so luminous that others can't help but stop and stand in awe and wonder at the very first creator. This is our mission... my mission. So why does the pondering of uncertainty and insecurity remain? Fear, get behind my back.

... And I'm left wondering if this makes sense to anyone other than me...

Bittersweet

It's a rainy Tuesday. Comforting actually. Feeling struck by the irony of life... that which your desires fail to match your ability to obtain them. Life that which seems stuck between a hard place and a rock, so to speak. Both a bitter taste and a sweet existence.

I suppose it is in these times that we must look to grow, even when the question remains: how much is there really left to grow? More patience? More trust? More faith? I suppose there's always more to grow, even when we feel helpless to water the seed.

Shauna Niequist writes it best, "Bittersweet is the practice of believing that we really do need the bitter and the sweet, and that a life of nothing but sweetness rots both your teeth and your soul. Bitter is what makes us strong, what forces us to push through, what helps us earn the lines on our faces and the calluses on our hands. Sweet is nice enough, but bittersweet is beautiful, nuanced, full of depth and complexity. Bittersweet is courageous, gutsy..."

What a beautiful concept, yet seemingly difficult to put to use. I don't feel courageous. Or gutsy. I feel stuck... Stuck between the desire to explore, run, hike and experience all the world's beauty and the inability to do just that.

And while frustration abounds in this seemingly small area of life, celebration and thankfulness conquer the remainder of life. Oh, how easy it is to let the bitter parts of life overtake the sweet ones. I suppose it is far better to fight for life-breathing perception than to submit and indulge in self pity.

"So, this is the work I'm doing now, and the work I invite you into: when life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate. And when life is bitter, say thank you and grow." And when life passes out the sweetness of sugar and the bitterness of chocolate? Then partake in the gift of togetherness with the joy of celebration and the hope of growth leading your every step forward.