It Will Pass

You know what? I was planning on writing something encouraging and challenging today. Something about enrollment - causing a new possibility to be present for another such that they are touched, moved or inspired by that possibility - but I just don't have it in me right now. It's a good topic. Maybe I'll write about it some other day. But not now.

Instead, I feel stuck and unmotivated. I'm not sure why... I just know that I am. The prospect of buying a plane ticket to go somewhere random nags at my heart-strings. But I have to be responsible. Sensible. Levelheaded. Right?

I hate it. Strong choice of words, I know. But that's what's real for me right now in this moment. I wish I could put everything on hold that I must do to live, to pay bills, and to survive (?). But does it have to be this way? Is this really the only way to live? Because sometimes I just feel trapped in this ordinary life filled with boring redundancy.

Dramatic? Maybe. Please don't get me wrong. I love my life. I really do. You can ask anyone. My job is truly amazing and I'm living with some of the greatest people ever... but sometimes I get bored and sick of routine.

I am bored and I am sick of routine.

Right now, I am simply waiting and praying. These feelings will pass. They have before and they will again.

Its just that right now my unmotivated spirit feels a bit suffocating. And I have all this work to do and I feel like a terrible employee because its so hard to even begin, let alone make progress on anything. But I will. Because I always seem to. It just takes one tiny step at a time. Moving forward sometimes is a slow and painful process. But eventually it gets easier. Lighter. And feelings of boredom change into feelings of enthusiastic energy and excitement.

This is the cycle of my life. Jesus is my only redeemer.

Super Man's for Reals

So, I know I already wrote a little something earlier today, but this clip is just crazy cool. Check it out.

Spread Your Wings & Fly

Whatcha Gonna Do When they Come for You?

If you don't know - which you should - Redmond is notorious for their cops. And not just any cops - cops that are always on a power trip. In my experience, they are always mean, rude, disrespectful and they always give out tickets. 

This is why I'm always afraid to get pulled over in Redmond - because it never seems to fare well. At least that's what I believed until this week when I had the joy to experience two Redmond cops.

Say What?

Last Thursday I was driving in Redmond and was purposefully keeping tabs on my speed. Cops always happen to be in this area and I really did not want to get a ticket. So I purposefully pulled in the reigns on my lead foot, making sure the speedometer never went over the 30mph limit. Unbeknown to me, a cop was driving directly behind me. I would never have even known he was there expect for the fact that he turned his flashing lights and sirens. Well, crap. What did I do now? I was going the speed limit, so what else could I have done wrong? I pull over, find my license and frantically search for my current registration. I can't find it. The cop walks up to my window. I roll it down, and he asks in a cruel tone...

"Where are your license plates?"

Huh? My license plates? Did they fall off? I don't know, so I ask him what he means and again all he says is, "Where are your license plates?"

Well gosh! I don't know! They are on my car!

In the angst of the moment I blurt out that my license plates are at my parents house. I know - strange that I said that, but it was the first thing that came to my mind. I mean, I have NO idea what he's talking about.

He just stares at me, asks me for my license (not my registration!) and walks back to his patrol car. I patiently wait wondering if maybe my license plates really did fall off. Hmm... well, he comes back and I'm think, "well crap, he is a Redmond cop, he is totally going to give me a ticket." Instead he hands me back my license and tells me...

"Make sure you get your license plates," and he simply walks away. What the heck?!

Side note: I eventually did call my parents and apparently I did have new license plates to put on my car. Who knew that you had to get new license plates?? Weird.

Lead Foot Trouble

Last night I was on my way to meet some people for happy hour at 9:30pm in Kirkland. One of my friends was having a bad day and the least I could was spend some good time with her at the Wilde Rover.

I had just had a great Bible study and was feeling really good. Oftentimes, when I'm happy and listening to good music I speed. I don't do it on purpose! It just happens - like its an outward expression of my inner joy. Haha. Anyway, I was leaving Bellevue and entering Redmond and out of the corner of my eye I see a cop. I look down at my speedometer and... OH CRAP... I'm going like 15mph OVER the speed limit! 

Here's some advice for all of you out there. If you see a cop while you're speeding don't immediately brake because then they will know that you actually knew you were speeding. 

So, when I saw the cop I didn't immediately brake. I just took my foot off the accelerator and let the car slow down on its own. Then I tapped the brakes a little so that I was only going about 5mph over the speed limit. Then I watched in my mirror for the cop that I was sure would come up behind me.

And he did. I saw him pull out of his hiding spot, position himself behind me and turn on his lights.

CRAP! Two times in less than a week... and this time I truly deserve a ticket. 

Well, I again grab my license, find my current registration and roll down my window. The cop walks up and asks,

"Did you know that you were going 14mph over the speed limit?"

Okay. So this is the moment of truth. Do I say yes or do I say no? Which one is better? This time I told him that I didn't know. 

He took my license and registration and went back to his car. Well crap. There's just no way that I'm going to get out of this ticket - 14mph over the speed limit just can't be ignored. 

He comes back to my window and hands me my license and registration back and says,

"Dawn, just try and slow down a bit, OK? Have a great night."

WHAT?? He's NOT giving me a ticket for going 14MPH OVER the speed limit??!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!

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All of this to say, maybe Redmond cops aren't so bad after all. I mean, who can say that they've been pulled over by a Redmond cop twice in less than one week and didn't get a ticket either time... even when they especially deserved one?

Also, I'm thinking that maybe I should tame my lead foot a little. Otherwise it may take a ticket for me to learn..

Champions Moving Up

Soooo...  quick update on soccer. 

As I mentioned before, two fridays ago, our championship game was canceled mid-game because the lights on the field decided to unexpectedly turn off and the ref was unable to turn them back on. The game has yet to be rescheduled. In fact, we found out it probably won't be rescheduled. So... since we were going into the championship game as the number one seed, I have decided to claim the championship title for our team. Totally appropriate right? I mean, if we don't get to play then we just have to assume that since we were ranked above the competing team then we were in fact destined to beat them. It only makes sense... so I guess my team is now the champion of our winter season. Way to go us.

Ironically enough, the league we play in decided to move us up a division for spring season. We now play in division 5A (out of like 10 divisions with A and B)... which is pretty good considering that most of us only played in high school and one of our biggest scorers is playing his FIRST year EVER of organized soccer... which is pretty sweet if you ask me. He's a natural.

Anyway, last night was our first game of the spring season and I was a little nervous. I didn't want our team to get blown out of the water by the other team and higher division. Well, I am happy to report that we won (for sure) - 5 to 3 (i think)! It was a pretty good game really. The ref made some poor calls - because they always seem to - but overall it was a good game. I think some of our players had the best game I've ever seen them play and that's always cool to be a part of.

But I will say that we did compete against more skillful players last night compared to last season, so it will be interesting to see how good we do in the future. Time will only tell. But its fun because I like a challenge and playing against more skillful people calls me to step it up and play better too. So, if nothing else, maybe I'll get a little better at soccer. 

Regardless, I'm still loving my life!

Good Ol' Advertising

This is in spirit of my job... maybe someday I'll be able to put something like this together. 

Check it.

400 random dancers... one Liverpool Street Station... 8 classic songs... one inspirational T-Mobile moment. 

Talking about YouTube - T Mobile Advert 2009 Full Version HQ

Making the Moment

Talking about YouTube - Making of T-Mobile Dance

Own It

I think most of you know that I am a definite advocate of owning your strengths and stepping outside the box of routine. So, while my strength isn't rapping, I hope to maybe someday have the amazing opportunity to do something a little different like this flight attendent did. 

Check it out. It's freakin' amazing :)

New Additions

Some groups of friends are like glue... held together by some outside force stronger and more resilient than could ever be imagined. These friends know each other's strengths and weaknesses and they have the most fun and wild adventures together. Each individual has earned the right to call out bad behavior while also providing the most sincere encouragement. These groups are built upon something bigger and more important than materialism or shallowness and because of that, they last a lifetime.

I am a part of one of these groups and I know what a blessing they can be. But I also know how they can unintentionally be exclusive... set apart and not open to new people entering into the mix.

And that's why I was SO excited and refreshed by my experience last night. 

You see, one of my wonderful roommates has had the amazing opportunity to belong to a tight knit group of friends. She loves this group of people with a deep passion and I know that they will always have an important place in her life, as they should. 

I have heard SO much about these people, and I've met some of them for like fifteen minutes at a time. But I've never had the opportunity to really hang out with them and get to know them. Well, last night they had a St. Patrick's Day party and I ended up tagging along with my roommate.

It was SO much fun! And so refreshing! Like I said before, oftentimes these types of friend groups will unintentionally be exclusive to newcomers... unfortunately, this characteristic is just an inevitable byproduct of knowing each other for so long and being comfortable with the group dynamic. Its easy for a group to get stuck in that spot. It takes intentional effort for a group like this to be inclusive and inviting and that's why it was SO great (and honestly kind of unexpected) how these people were purposeful in meeting me and getting to actually know me. I'm not a shy person, so I always dive right into any situation... but there is a difference between someone who feels like they have to have a conversation with you because you're there and someone who genuinely wants to have a conversation with you because you're there. I definitely experienced the later time and time again last night. It was just nice.

Anyway, I guess I just wanted to give a shout out to those people and say thank you. I hope to hang out with them again... and I was asked to hang out with them again... see, just another example of intentionality. I just love it.

Oh and the Irish Car Bomb was another great addition to the night too. Mmmm so good!

Living in the Deep Trough

Why does Christianity seem so shallow sometimes? Why does Jesus sometimes seem to not be enough? 

Let's be honest here. Regardless of whether you're a Christian or not, there's a high probability that at some point in your life you've wondered, "Is this it?" or "Is this what Christianity is all about?" Some of you might be scared of this - afraid to voice it out loud or admit these thoughts exist - fearing God's response to the question. Oftentimes Christians today will do almost anything in order to avoid the appearance of having a "lacking" or "unfulfilling" relationship with Jesus... because that is what we are supposed to have. Right? We are always supposed to have everything together all the time. Because we're Christians.

But can we just be honest for a second? Can we let go of our pride of trying to have it right all the time and take a deeper look? Because we don't have it right the majority of the time. And we can't. We are merely and gloriously humans - mistakes and blemishes included.

And that is exactly it! "Christians" are humans! We make mistakes, learn from mistakes and grow from mistakes. Transformation consumes us when we are humbled and open-hearted to Jesus. This is where Jesus often works and transforms us the most... when we fail and return to Him.

But "Christianity" sometimes forgets this - or doesn't allow it. Instead, a painted picture of perfection is poured into our minds and confusion ensues in our souls... because we aren't and can never be perfect while we live on this earth. And sometimes "Christianity" becomes a 12-step program for our sin and is force fed to those who will accept it. And that is when authenticity is misplaced, forgotten and unwanted.

But the term "Christian" isn't supposed to be a noun. It isn't supposed to be a label at all. Originally, it was used as a description to define those who followed Christ and it is an adjective of authenticity.

I've tried living the packaged 12-step Christianity program. It doesn't work. It leaves me feeling empty and exhausted in failure instead of renewed with purpose and transformation.

All I can do is strive after authenticity. I'm still learning what this truly means, but I know that it doesn't sugarcoat my messiness. It doesn't call me to be perfect. It challenges me to be real as Christ created me to be. And all I can do is try and follow Christ so that my "Christianity" label might become the true adjective that it was meant to be - far more real and transforming than any noun could ever strive to be.

Living in the deep trough of reality... this is my attempt to glorify Jesus and to reflect His glory through my life. It's not perfect, but at least its something real.

Diagnosis In

After almost two weeks of being incredibly sick, my roommate finally called me out and told me I had to go to the doctor. 

Then my soccer team made it to the championship game this Friday evening and I HAVE to play in that game! 

So, because my roommate is looking out for me and because I must play in the soccer game...

I finally went to the doctor... and I have a sinus infection... and I'm now on drugs.

Why is it then that I feel WORSE today than I have in like three days?! Stupid antibiotics aren't working... 

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The nurse at my doctor's appointment yesterday was really mean. She checked me in, took my vitals and then as she went to get my doctor, she said in a sarcastic and cruel tone, "I hope you feel better." Yeah right. Real convincing.

Well, it just so happened that I needed to get a shot yesterday too. So, this same crazy nurse comes back in my room to give me my shot, and I'm just like "this woman is about to stick a needle in my arm and she's pissed off at the world! she's really going to jam that needle in hard and take things out on me!"

So, I think to myself, maybe this woman just needs to talk a little. So, in an effort to protect my arm from being killed (this particular shot was a deep tissue shot... so she really could have taken advantage of that fact just to hurt me a little extra!) and in an effort to make this woman relax a little, I simply ask her if she's having a good day. I've never experienced how one simple question can initiate such a prattle of word vomit! This nurse seriously just starts venting about how horrible her day has been and how this person did that and how that person responded like this... Blah blah blah... And I'm just sitting there thinking... "Oh my gosh woman! You are about to stick a needle in my arm! Get a hold of yourself!"

Well, we end up talking about the issue (bad-experience-at-work-day as it were) and she's about to go in for the kill on my arm when in a last ditch attempt at protecting my poor arm from experiencing utter pain and inebriation, I feebly say, "I'm so sorry about your day. Please don't take your frustration out on my arm."

Yes I actually said that.

And the nurse stopped (thank God because she was in mid motion at the time!), took a deep breath and stuck the needle in my arm. Luckily it didn't hurt so bad after all. 

And I got a tasmanian devil band aid for it. Cool.

Worn Out

Have you ever owned a pair of heels that have never let you down?

You know the type. They are your go-to shoes for every occasion. They've never given you blisters, they work with almost every outfit you own and they have the unmistaken ability to make you feel truly great whenever you wear them. 

Comfortable. Stylish. Transforming. The perfect shoe.

The compelling force of their mystic perfection prompts you to grab them out of the closet more often than any other pair of heels. Whether worn to work, dinner, dancing or just for fun, these shoes have seriously never let you down. And so you've gone to great lengths to take care of them - re-heeling them whenever needed and putting them back in the closet instead of leaving them at the foot of the door - hoping and trusting that they will last a lifetime. 

I own a pair of these coveted heels, and they are my favorite, trusted and true shoe. And unfortunately, I have worn them out - literally - as they are falling apart at the seems. I noticed it about a month ago, but have been in denial. But I noticed their imperfections more clearly today and they must be replaced. You see... the leather on the toes are gone, and that is just not something I can overlook any longer. 

I could try. Maybe color black sharpie on the tips. But no. It just wouldn't look right. 

And so, I must venture to find a new pair of perfect heels - and say goodbye to my old ones. 

Its kind of a sad day...

My New Best Friends

I have made two new best friends this week. They are the type of friends who bring relief to your life; who remind you that your multi-symptom diagnosis can be treated - that you're not at a loss yet. There's still hope.

Yep. I'm talking about DayQuil and NyQuil. And yep. I've been terribly sick this week.

In fact, I don't remember the last time I was this sick - the type of sick where you have to take three consecutive sick days off from work in a row. The type of sick where you can barely get out of bed - and when you do, you merely make it up the stairs to sit on the couch where all you can do is stare out the window in silence because you don't have enough energy to pick up the remote control sitting next to you to turn the TV on. Pathetic? Yeah. It's the type of sick where you look high all the time because your eyes are saturated in redness and refuse to open all the way despite it being the middle of the day. It's the type of sick where you body just aches and hurts all over - it leaves you wondering if you'll ever feel normal again. Its the type of sick where your throat is ragged-raw and your nose is dry and runny all at the same time. And when you walk, you do more of a shuffle step because you don't have the energy to completely lift your foot off the ground just to put it back down again. You pretty much just feel spent all the time - even after you wake up from a four hour nap that you took a half an hour after you woke up in the morning. Funny how that happens.

This is how I've felt. And this is why DayQuil and NyQuil are my new best friends - because I've seen more of them in the past few days then my actual roommates. Without them, I think I'd be even worse off.

Fortunately, today I have at least made it out of the house and am at work... for a little while anyway.  I can already feel the afternoon hit coming - and its not even 11am yet. So, we will see how long I last sitting in my chair, designing postcards and newspaper ads. But for now, here I am trying to get a little work done so I won't be as far behind on Monday as I'm afraid I will be.

Oh well. At least the sunshine is out to make me a little happier :)