... for the past three months or so... I was dating... yep, a catholic.
Haha. Yep, its true. And many of you already know... but I was dating a catholic for a little over 3 months. The guy in question was quite brilliant really. I mean, everyone has their rough-around-the-edges spots, but he was truly wonderful. We had so much fun together. He made me laugh. He made me smile.
But it just can't work.
No, its not because he's catholic. That doesn't bug me as much. It's really because our lifestyles differ. Our viewpoints on several big things don't line up and therefore, it just can't work. It just won't work.
And can I just say it really sucks? Because I really do like him. And he likes me too. But relationships aren't just be about feelings.
Right?
I mean, when it comes right down to the nitty grittiness of love, I just don't believe that "all you need is love." Love is not only about feelings. Its about a choice: A decision made to embark on a journey so beautifully intertwined that even when differences and anger abound (which of course they will), honor and respect are chosen above all things. And that's a lot easier said than done, my friends. And if morals, life philosophies, actions and beliefs differ between people, then choosing honor and respect will be that much more difficult. Perhaps even impossible.
A little daunting, really.
And how will life decisions be made if two people view them differently? And look to different things to find truth? If foundations are not the same, then all you're asking for is hardship.
And even though he seems perfect for now. He is not perfect for later. And therefore, it just can't be.
And you know what? Aside from the whole love thing, I really really want to be able to share my whole self with the person I "live happily ever after" with. My whole entire self. And that includes what's in my heart. It includes who I run to for my hope. My peace. My deliverance. And if the person I choose to love does not understand or know that part of me... well then, they will never know who I truly am. What I strive to live by... and for. And that would devastate me. That in itself would be far worse than living alone. And I refuse to let it be so.
But refusing is harder to do than to say. I'll be honest. I still want to hang out with him. Okay, I'll be even more honest... I am still hanging out with him. In a friendship sense. I think. I hope. I'm trying.
No one ever said life choices were easy. They aren't supposed to be. If they were then we'd never learn or grow.
So, all of this to say... I'm in a learning and growing process right now. And it takes time. So bear with me.
Like I said, I really am trying.
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