Messy Transformation

Have you ever thought about the difference between what other people perceive you to be and what you really are inside? Have you ever sat down and truly reflected on whether you live transparently or are closed off with a "caution do not enter" sign around your neck?

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I am a 9th grade girl youth staff leader at Westminster Chapel. And, I am embarking on my 6th year of youth staff leadership. Hard to believe.

Every year we have a volunteer youth staff retreat. We all come together and get back on the same page, remember why we are here and what we are doing and get ready for the upcoming year with our kids. This past weekend was this year's retreat and it was one of the best staff retreats I've ever been on.

We were given the task of creating/decorating boxes with words and images cut out of magazines. The outside of the box was to represent who others perceive us to be and the inside of the box was to represent who we really are inside.

This was a great time of reflection for me. I like to think of myself as an open book, like what you see is what you get. I try to live my life authentically and only put forth my true self to others. But what I realized this weekend is that you can only do that so much.

On the outside I am a confident, strong, energetic person. A little crazy. Possibly a closet rule-breaker. Unconventional. A person who doesn't wait for change, but puts things in motion. A catalyst? I like to take chances and risks. I search for the "moments" in life that are real - the small things that people miss. I love art, polar bears, coffee, diet coke, goldfish and my dog roscoe. Jesus is my Lord and Savior - the one I try to live for. These are things people can see and can observe. These are the things I talk about and that I attempt to display and live out.

But the fact is that on the inside my story is a little different. I often doubt whether I am actually changing... moving forward. But I know in my heart that change is coming. And its coming in the form of

Messy Transformation.

I have my faith in Jesus. I have found redemption in the grace and love of Jesus Christ. But...

I make mistakes.

In fact, I make many mistakes. Some are what people would label as small and inconsequential. But others are huge and devastatingly life changing. And that is why inside of me Messy Transformation is taking place. I am not perfect. I never will be. All I can do is live life the best I can. To try and make the right decisions. To move forward with direct steps toward Jesus with eternal thinking in mind. With the knowledge that I can't be perfect, will never be perfect and that true authenticity is found in weakness...

And so, this is my story. To listen to the voice inside of me that tells me the gospel is true and that my life will be different because of it. 

Change is coming. And its coming in the form of Messy Transformation.