A Whine and A Cry

For the past week my parents have been out of town.

For the past week I have lived at my parents house and have taken care of my beautiful, awesome, magnificent, wonderful, fun, amazing, spectacular, fantastic, brilliant dog... 

ROSCOE

Isn't he SOO cute?!!

When I moved out of my parents home, I will be honest and say I missed him SO much! I even forgot to say goodbye to him the day I moved. I felt horrible.

Anyway, the good thing is that I have been able to hang out with him all week. 

But here's the thing... I don't think he's doing too well. :(

He never used to cry and whine when I was getting ready to leave in the morning. He never used to go upstairs by himself when we weren't home (he can't get down the stairs by himself so he gets stuck up there until we get home... we don't know why he does this...) and he never used to try and get out the door in front of you as you opened the door to leave.

Dogs can get depressed right? Dogs can get sad and lonely right? I think my dog is in need of some extra company or something. Maybe he feels like he might be left behind since his environment keeps changing with me moving out and my parents going on more vacations.

All I do know is that I love him SOOO much and hope he is ok. Maybe his whining and crying will stop soon. Hopefully he will understand that me and my family would never leave him behind. We just love him too much.

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Disclaimer: Yes I do love my dog a lot and I may be slightly obsessed with him, but that does not leave things open for you to make fun of me for this. Just making sure everyone knows that.

Just so everyone knows i think i am getting sick...

That's all for now.

I Don't Get It

Ok. I know I've blogged about this before... but it just keeps coming up in my mind. So, here's another dialogue on this topic...

Why do we (or mostly me) desire to do sinful things? What causes temptation? And why is it that sin often times is simply SO appealing despite the fact that we know its true destructive nature?

I just don't get it.

There's got to be a bigger reason as to why sin is SOO appealing. I mean, one could argue that satan is the instigator in creating appealing sin (there's definitely truth to that). But I really think there has to be more than that - something bigger that seals all the pieces together.

Could it have to do with sacrifice?

Now I don't know the answer. I'm just trying to learn.

It's true the Bible often speaks of the sacrifices Jesus made for each one of us... but it also speaks about the sacrifices each of us will have to make in order to be TRUE followers of Jesus and disciples in training. Could that be why sin HAS to be SO appealing? Why we sometimes CRAVE to sin against our savior and our Lord? Is it all part of the sacrifice that we have to choose to make in order to show Jesus how much we love Him by being obedient - even when the core of our beings just don't want to do what is right?

Because I don't know about you... but I'll be honest. I sometimes CRAVE to do sinful things. And maybe those "sinful" things aren't considered wrong in the eyes of this world... but they are in Jesus' eyes... and so... they must be in mine as well. And sometimes because I seriously do crave things that I know are not of God, I do them anyway. I don't sacrifice my own wants. I give in to my selfishness because most of the time in those moments, I want to be selfish.

I make thought out decisions against truth instead of essentially sacrificing myself to my Lord.

I can't decide if this sounds crazy. I feel like I do sound a little crazy and might be straying far off the beaten path. And maybe I am. But I just feel like there has to be more to temptation and sin. There has to be more to why we DESIRE sin.

So maybe sacrifice is a part of it... I don't know. I'm just trying to learn.

The Same Young & Old

Isn't it strange how we can feel young and old all at the same time?

In recent days I have felt the strain of growing up and working in the real professional world. But at the same time, working in an office with people twice my age (or often times more) I feel quite young... that my mere 23 years of experience is nothing... leaving me wondering how I even got this job in the first place and why my superiors continue to give me work that I feel is often more adept to my "more experienced" co-workers. 

And yet, here I am still sitting in my office... loving every second of it... helping make big decisions... trying to contribute the best I can... while sometimes feeling small and inadequate. Fortunately, my superiors seem to think otherwise. What amazing opportunities they give me! I truly feel as if they believe in me and that is such an amazing thing... and so I try to do my very best in all I do to prove that I can do the things that make me feel small. It is all about growing and learning every day. Each day is an opportunity to challenge myself and be transformed into the person that I'm supposed to be.  

So, I guess I will continue feeling old as I work a job that seems designed for someone with more professional experience... while remaining young in age and in spirit as superiors who have lived life longer surround me. 

What a strange contrast to feel...

Possum Surprise

So, I am in Georgia.

Today when I woke up and walked out of the hotel I am staying at, there about 2 feet to the side of me was a full grown possum sitting on the porch! At first I thought it was a cat... then one of my coworkers asked if it was a big rat. Finally we realized, while still starring into the animals beady eyes that this was indeed a possum... sitting on the porch of our bed and breakfast... starring us down!

We didn't know what to do! Aren't possums supposed to be mean? I swear I remember listening to possum horror stories and the viscious temperment they can have... right? So... we continued to stare it down... only two feet away from me. We were all at a stand still. It was as if the red coat was waiting for us blue coats to get scared and not fight for our chance to walk down the stairs of the porch to our car. Eventually, the possum must have realized we weren't going anywhere. He slowly turned around after giving us one more piercing look and slipped under the deck.

It was crazy!

The folk here in Statesboro just laughed at us as we told our fighting story with this possum. They apparently often interact with such critters. We, over in Seattle however, don't.

What a day!

Hopefully tomorrow morning I won't encounter another possum. It's just to weird for me.

Business Matters

So, I am sitting in an old historic plantation house on the Southern Bible Belt in Statesboro, Georgia. Why? I am on a business trip... again.

Overall I'm having a really fun time. Monday was our travel day... and it was SO exhausting! Basically, I woke up at 4:30am and after two flights and a while of driving I ended up arriving at my hotel room at 10pm that night. Talk about a long day.

Then today, I woke up at 6am (after not falling asleep until about midnight because of the wierd time change). And tonight it is about 8pm here and I just got back from dinner. That's how long today has been. But its been great. And I really am having a fun time.

Tomorrow I'm giving two major presentations (which never fails to make me feel a little inadequate and a whole lot young compared to the people whom I'm presenting to..). One presentation I've never given before and I'm a little nervous about how it is going to turn out. I can only hope that I have practiced enough and that my audience will lend me some grace if I mumble my words or am unable to answer their questions. But I will say I love the challenge. I love getting up in front of people and talking about something I know about and have trust in (yes I am talking about Northland's HD and Internet service here... and I know how nerdy I sound... deal with it I guess). Haha! But it should be a good day regardless of how the presentations turn out because after work some of the people we are here to visit are going to be taking me and my coworker out on the little town of Statesboro for drinks and dinner. I am excited!

Anyway, I best be getting along. I still have some practicing to do and some sleeping to fall into. Stay tuned for more updates!

Messy Transformation

Have you ever thought about the difference between what other people perceive you to be and what you really are inside? Have you ever sat down and truly reflected on whether you live transparently or are closed off with a "caution do not enter" sign around your neck?

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I am a 9th grade girl youth staff leader at Westminster Chapel. And, I am embarking on my 6th year of youth staff leadership. Hard to believe.

Every year we have a volunteer youth staff retreat. We all come together and get back on the same page, remember why we are here and what we are doing and get ready for the upcoming year with our kids. This past weekend was this year's retreat and it was one of the best staff retreats I've ever been on.

We were given the task of creating/decorating boxes with words and images cut out of magazines. The outside of the box was to represent who others perceive us to be and the inside of the box was to represent who we really are inside.

This was a great time of reflection for me. I like to think of myself as an open book, like what you see is what you get. I try to live my life authentically and only put forth my true self to others. But what I realized this weekend is that you can only do that so much.

On the outside I am a confident, strong, energetic person. A little crazy. Possibly a closet rule-breaker. Unconventional. A person who doesn't wait for change, but puts things in motion. A catalyst? I like to take chances and risks. I search for the "moments" in life that are real - the small things that people miss. I love art, polar bears, coffee, diet coke, goldfish and my dog roscoe. Jesus is my Lord and Savior - the one I try to live for. These are things people can see and can observe. These are the things I talk about and that I attempt to display and live out.

But the fact is that on the inside my story is a little different. I often doubt whether I am actually changing... moving forward. But I know in my heart that change is coming. And its coming in the form of

Messy Transformation.

I have my faith in Jesus. I have found redemption in the grace and love of Jesus Christ. But...

I make mistakes.

In fact, I make many mistakes. Some are what people would label as small and inconsequential. But others are huge and devastatingly life changing. And that is why inside of me Messy Transformation is taking place. I am not perfect. I never will be. All I can do is live life the best I can. To try and make the right decisions. To move forward with direct steps toward Jesus with eternal thinking in mind. With the knowledge that I can't be perfect, will never be perfect and that true authenticity is found in weakness...

And so, this is my story. To listen to the voice inside of me that tells me the gospel is true and that my life will be different because of it. 

Change is coming. And its coming in the form of Messy Transformation.