This is how serious I am

Oh the agony of it all! No caffeine for F-I-V-E W-E-E-K-S ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! How am I ever going to survive? You do realize what this means, right?

NO tea...

NO coffee...

NO. DIET. COKE.

All I have to say is that this sacrifice of mine better be worth it. Ok, so background info as to why I'm doing this [because obviously it is not by choice]: I went to a naturopath who specializes in homeopathy. If you don't know what that is, don't look it up. You won't get it. And neither do I. All I know is that it might/will/BETTER heal my knee. And so, I'm trying it.

And the remedy (yes...I know... remedy) requires NO CAFFEINE. Blah. FML.

If this act of will to abstain from my most favorite things doesn't prove how SERIOUS I am about getting my knee healed... then I don't know what will.

Ok, God. PLEASE do your thing through this. Amen.

What's playing in my head

The Call - Regina Spektor

No Envy. No Fear. - Joshua Radin

I Never Told You - Colbie Caillat

Second Chances - Paper Route

Live to Tell the Tale - Passion Pit

Staraflur - Sigur Ros

Don't Let Me Fall - B.O.B

Skeleton Me - Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Just Say Yes - Snow Patrol

Falling for You - Sennen

The Funeral - Band of Horses

North by North - Dynamo

Longer I Run - Peter Bradley Adams

(no subject)

• Wearing a huge puffy jacket that goes to your knees while wearing a skirt is worth it if its below 30 degrees out. Brrrrrr
• My new love: Tall americano with white chocolate mocha and room for cream
• No alcohol January is officially over!
• New book (Bittersweat: Thoughts on change, grace and learning the hard way) is on its way! The anticipation is too great. You know those books that change your life forever? Well, this one will... actually already has. Thank you Bethany! And I have to include an excerpt so you can maybe understand what I'm about to jump into (and and expect a ton of posts on this book): This collection is an ode to all things bittersweet, to life at the edges, a love letter to what change can do in us. This is what I've come to believe about change: it's good, in the way that childbirth is good, and heartbreak is good, and failure is good. By that I mean that it's incredibly painful, exponentially more so if you fight it, and also that is has the potential to open you up, to open life up, to deliver you right into the palm of God's hand, which is where you wanted to be all along, except that you were too busy pushing and pulling your life into exactly what you thought it should be. So, this is the work I'm doing now, and the work I invite you into: when life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate. And when life is bitter, say thank you and grow.
• Homeopathy... a bit unsure, but have to give it a shot! Please knee heal faster.
• Second Chances by Paper Route... great song
• Kiwi and blueberries are the best combination
• How do you find the perfect merino wool hoody? I've searched every online store. No one has what I want. In these moments I often wish I was a clothing designer.
• I need decorating ideas for my room. Its still too boring... almost like there's too much wall space.
• I'm going to be Chinese tonight and celebrate Lunar New Year... and eat tons of amazing chinese food. Yes!
• Oh and I need to do laundry. ASAP.
• And because I can never post anything without including a little substance (and by the way, this applies to everything): So, we might as well learn that our freedom to indulge must include the freedom to abstain - otherwise its not freedom at all. It's slavery. - Richard Dahlstrom

Positively Positive

The positive thinker sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible.

For myself, I am an optimist - it does not seem to be much use being anything else.

-Winston Churchill

It takes but one positive thought when given a chance to survive and thrive to overpower an entire army of negative thoughts.

- Robert H. Schuller

There's no use allowing negativity to prevail. Positive thinking will overcome anything and everything... thankfulness too. I am so thankful for so many things and therefore won't allow a few inconveniences to discourage me. I will remain positive and be encouraged by all that I can do and enjoy in life. And I will partake in those things with a joyful heart. After nearly a year, my knee still seems to be in the same sore spot it got itself into last February. But right now, JOY, THANKFULNESS and GRATITUDE need to be the outpouring of my soul.

A lot harder said, than done. Thankfully, I'm stubborn.

No Envy. No Fear.

Some are reaching, few are there

Wandering from a heros chair

Some are scared to fly so high

Well this is how we have to try

Have no envy and no fear

Have no envy

No fear

Brother, brother we all see

You're hiding out so painfully

See yourself come out to play

A lovers rain will wash away

Your envy and your fear

So have no envy, no fear

When your sister turns to leave

Only when she's most in need

Take away the cause of pain

By showing her we're all the same

Have no envy, no fear

Have no envy, no fear

Every day we try to find

We search our hearts and our minds

The place we used to call our home

Can't be found when we're alone

So have no envy, no fear

Have no envy, no fear

Slack Builds Character?

I climbed my very first 5.10 yesterday... booya! It's pretty exciting and definitely encourages me to keep focusing on becoming a better climber. You know, there are some things that I definitely consider to be my climbing strengths. Like I'm not afraid to use features on the wall and trust my feet to keep me from falling. I also really enjoy trying routes that I don't think I can do (and usually can't but you got to try!). And of course, I always have tons of fun :)

But, there are also definitely things I need to work on... for instance, overhanging routes are my nemesis and I need to become more comfortable on them. I also need to work on shifting my body weight to enhance balance, not being afraid to fall, not getting frustrated and losing focus, not giving up so easily. But the thing I maybe need to work on most is...

Being ok with more slack on the rope. Oh man. I hate slack on the rope. It makes you feel SO vulnerable to falling and failing. But, my boyfriend said it best yesterday... slack builds character. And the reality is that I need to be ok with it. Yes, that means if I fall, I'll fall further. Yes, that means it feels like there's no safety net between injury and success. And yes, that means it requires more trust in myself to do the moves required. Blah. It sucks! Haha. Well, it actually doesn't really suck on routes that I know I can do. It only sucks on routes that I get scared on and don't think I can do.

I guess it really boils down to risk... or at least the feeling of increased risk. And that can be scary. It really requires unconditional trust in yourself and in your safety net to succeed... even when you don't really believe in either. Sounds crazy! And it is. But I suppose its kind of like regular life too. Sometimes we have to trust when we don't believe. And when we do, we succeed or at least come out unscathed at the end.

And so I'll try to be ok with more slack. (But Jesse that does not mean you can give me lots of slack on purpose to try and "help" me with this!! :) Remember, building trust requires baby steps... or in my case baby slack...

In any case, 5.10's get ready to be conquered by yours truly. I'm climbing my way up... and yes, pun definitely intended :)

Dream-Making

It's true, I don't believe in resolution-ing. I don't like being put in a box or required to commit to doing something when things might change in a month... or even tomorrow. Regardless, I definitely believe in dream-making. And so, here are a few dreams for this next year.

• Climb 5.10 consistently
• Put some wear and tear on my new, amazing Osprey backpack
• Get over my diet coke addiction
• Save $$ for Peru and the Inca Trail and either go this year or next
• Climb at Squamish again
• Go fishing
• Get over my fear of seeing bears and cougars in the wild
• Take more pictures
• Climb Adams and Shuksan if my knee allows
• Go and serve in Guatemala with my church
• Decide if I'm going to grad school or not
• Hang out with my mom more
• Embark on at least one alpine climb this year
• Just dance
• Do what scares me
• Run and snowshoe again
• Cook more meals for friends

This, of course, is an incomplete list as many more adventures will undoubtedly take place this 2011 year. However, its a great starting point. One that gets me excited for what's to come... for all that may be experienced and enjoyed to the fullest. And the best part? Most of these things require others... community... togetherness. 2011 isn't about me... its about all of you. As it should be, right?